Book Report: Our highly scientific analysis of a book, from the characters to the writing style to the swoon. See More...

Double-Oh-Uh-Oh

Meghan had a decent, platonic time with I'd Tell You I Love You, But Then I'd Have To Kill You (a Gallagher Girls book) by Ally Carter, but she'd REALLY like a book featuring the hot Mr. Solomon.

Double-Oh-Uh-Oh

BOOK REPORT for I'd Tell You I Love You But Then I'd Have To Kill You (Gallagher Girls Book 1) by Ally Carter

BFF Charm: Maybe
Swoonworthy Scale: 3
Talky Talk: License To Kill
Bonus Factor: James Bond, Boarding School
Relationship Status: If You Were 10 Years Older, Or I Were 10 Years Younger...

The Deal:

Cammie Morgan goes to a top-secret all-girls boarding school for young spies. When other 15-year-olds are struggling with algebra and world history, Cammie's learning how to disable car bombs and lose a tail. Her parents were spies -- her dad's dead, and her mom is the headmistress of Gallagher Academy -- and it's in her blood. Her nickname's the Chameleon, and she can hide everywhere ... until during a covert ops class field assignment, she's noticed for the first time. By a really hot boy.

Meanwhile, she and her 2 best friends(Bex, the only British student at the school and Liz, the clumsy, not-street-smart braniac) get a new roommate -- the rich, spoiled and totally supermodel gorgeous daughter of a powerful senator. Cammie and her friends have to figure out if Josh really likes her (and to these girls, that doesn't include passing him a note that says "Do you like Cammie, check yes or no") AND how she can date him without blowing her cover (and the relationship).

BFF Charm: Maybe

Cammie is a sweet girl, and I'd like her but she's way too young to be my bff. I'm hoping in the later books she grows up a bit, but it's not unexpected considering she goes to a totally sheltered school like Gallagher Academy. Her cluelessness about boys is endearing, and I think I'd like to be her wise former babysitter who could help give her advice about life when she's too shy to go to her mom.

Swoonworthy Scale: 3

There's not much chemistry between Cammie and Josh. Maybe if i were 12 or 13, I'd get tingles when they hold hands (a lot), but mostly the action is spy stuff. Honestly, the only swoonworthy action was in my imagination -- between the hot and mysterious new covert ops teacher and Cammie's mom.

Talky Talk: License To Kill

I got a little lost with all the acronyms and made up compound words, which is crazy since my husband's in the army -- you'd think I'd be able to deal with alphabet soup a little better -- but since they were mainly for classes, I just skipped over them. There're lots of little normal girl things transferred to spy life, like a part about how useful Velcro is when you're changing from your uniform into slutty date clothes, and lots of made-up facts about Gallagher girls' contributions to history (like how they invented Velcro). It kind of got on my nerves after a while, honestly, but it wasn't too bad. It just added to the learner's permit feel of the book. OH, and the one thing that DID bug me for realz was how Cammie only ever said "Oh my gosh!" when something happened. Girl, you don't have to say "God" if that doesn't sit well with you, but try to spice it up! I mean, you speak 1783712897 languages fluently -- you can at least say "Holy cow!" or "Whoa!" or "Yikes!" every now and then.

Bonus Factor: James Bond

Ok, although the spy stuff was a little over the top, I think toned down it'd be really cool. And it was fun to imagine a school for spies. Oh and PLUS there's the super hot teacher Joe Solomon. This book totally doesn't enter hot-for-teacher "don't stand so close to me" territory, but since I'm a grownup I'm totally allowed to ogle Mr. Solomon all I want (and in my mind, he looks just.like.Daniel.Craig). Yum.

Bonus Factor: Boarding School

Has anyone seen that British movie St. Trinnian's? This book totally reminded me of that, only minus Rupert Everett as the headmistress. I just kept picturing the girls in their little cliques and the way the school looked, although the book doesn't really have cliques and the movie has nothing to do with spies. But it's a boarding school! And an all-girls one! With hijinks and sneaking out at night! So, totally St. Trinnian's.

Casting Call:

The current Disney kids have too much "spunk" (as in, they're always squealing and being oh-so-adorable) to be Cammie, and the CW girls are way too sophisticated, so I had to reach back for someone who can play Cammie's cluelessness and relative calmness.

Mean Girls era Lindsay Lohan as Cammie

or

Jena Malone (especially from Saved!) as Cammie

Mr. Solomon's not really a major character, but I couldn't NOT put another picture of Daniel Craig up here, could I?

Daniel Craig as Joe Solomon

Since I put Mr. S on there, Here's how I pictured Cammie's gorgeous mom.

Elizabeth Hurley as Mrs. Morgan

Relationship Status: If You Were 10 Years Older, Or I Were 10 Years Younger ...

Y'all, I'd feel like a dirty old lady if I got involved with this book, or even thought about getting involved. It's just not quite old enough to date -- like, I think if we went out, we'd be driven to the movies by its mom in her minivan, and that's just gross. But it's a fun book, and I didn't mind talking to it in a TOTALLY platonic way as, like, its teacher or something. Now, a book about Cammie's mom and the hot Mr. Solomon ... THAT'S another deal (see, I had no problem casting them, but drew a complete blank on Josh). Bottom line: I'll read the rest of the series, but I won't rush.

Meghan Miller's photo About the Author: Meghan is an erstwhile librarian in exile from Texas and writer for Forever Young Adult. She loves books, cooking and homey things like knitting and vintage cocktails. Although she’s around books all the time, she doesn’t get to read as much as she’d like.