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Mockingjay Is Eating My Face!

It's Erin's turn to review Suzanne Collins' Mockingjay (Ch 1-5) of the Hunger Games trilogy.

Mockingjay Is Eating My Face!

And making me totally crazy!!! Because, for maybe the first time in my life, outside of dance parties, I AGREE WITH HENRI.

Remember, we are discussing spoilers for Chapters 1 through 5 ONLY. Please do not reply with information after Chapter 5 to this post. (We will be coming at you all week with this, unfolding this book like a flower. Or an onion, depending on how much Collins makes us cry.)

District 13.

WHAT THE WHAT? These people are ASSHOLES. I am so, so glad that Suzanne Collins didn't wuss out and make District 13 some sort of happy fairyland where ice cream mountains melt into milkshake rivers, but, frankly, I HATE THESE JERKS SO MUCH.

First of all, there's the crazy uber-discipline. Do we really want these guys to be the winner? So, what, we can have our schedules tattoed on our arms, with only half an hour for Cat Adoration? That is, if we're ALLOWED to have a pet, and if they don't kick the cat out for missing its curfew. A cat curfew! What is that?

And not to mention how they treated our favorite dumb Capitol idiots, the prep team. Chained to the wall? Having to do their business down their leg, hoping it will all drain into the grate? What the hell did the prep team ever do to you, District 13? Complain about your leg hair?

But, I think the thing that gets my goat more than anything is that for 75 years, these people have been watching the children of other Districts get carted off to the games. And they've done NOTHING about it. I did the math. By my calculations, 1731 children have died in the Hunger Games while District 13 was sitting underground, worrying about how many pieces of bread a person is allowed to have. ONE THOUSAND SEVEN HUNDRED AND THIRTY ONE. And so now they're interested in fighting back??

But, all that said, how cool was the reveal that, actually, they'd just struck a deal with the Capitol and had been living in relative pox-ridden peace all this time?

The Great Distric 12 Migration

It's awesome that Gale saved so many District 12ers. It really is. But, he managed to single-handedly destroy the relationship I was actually rooting for the most. And that's Gale and Madge.

Don't laugh! I've been wanting those two crazy kids to get together ever since he was a dick to her about how many times her name was in the Reaping pile. They'd just be so cute together! He could hunt and bring her dad strawberries; she could make sure his table manners weren't apalling! Gale! HOW COULD YOU NOT SAVE MADGE??

Peeta's Interview

So, what do you guys think about Peeta's interview? Is he playing the crowd? Being tortured? Trying to impart secret messages to the rebel forces by blinking in Morse Code? I don't know, but I do know this: no way is my Peeta Mellark a turncoat. That boy is up to something good; I can just tell.

In continuation of Henri's math, I'd like to offer some more:

District 13:

+25 for actually staying alive all this time

-42 for being dicks about the cat

+21 for recognizing the awesomeness of Greasy Sae and offering her a position in the cafeteria

Join us later as Henri and I delve EVER DEEPER* into Mockingjay! A review of the next ten chapters is forthcoming! I predict that Henri will use the phrase "Erin, I was totally wrong; Peeta is wonderful" at least twice. I won't gloat. MUCH.

*You guys, it is seriously killing us to maintain our journalistic integrity and read at this pace. BUT WE'RE GONNA DO IT.

(P.S. Please excuse my general face in this picture. We had just had the Quarter Quells and I had consumed several Effies - which turned out to be QUITE STRONG - on an empty stomach.)


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Erin Callahan's photo About the Author: Erin is loud, foul-mouthed, an unrepentant lover of trashy movies and believes that champagne should be an every day drink. When she isn't drowning in a sea of engineers for whom Dilbert is still uproariously funny, she's writing about books, tv, the cult of VC Andrews and more.