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Well, I Need a Drink. Or Twelve. Mockingjay!

Erin finishes Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins, and the massive case of TEABS has already set in. Solution: ALCOHOL PLZ.

Well, I Need a Drink. Or Twelve. Mockingjay!

I think I have sympathy PTSD now. Anyone else? Is TEABS a treatable condition according to the American Medical Association?

Full spoilers for Mockingjay after this point. No apologies to Henri included.

OH MAN. Okay, I'm still trying to process - I finished up the last few chapters at around 3 this morning when I woke up and realized I just couldn't wait anymore. So maybe it was the atmosphere - sneaking the book in the early morning hours, slumped down on the floor of my bathroom so as not to wake up my boyfriend with the light and also the choking sobs.

Let's start with the death count:

Boggs: NOOOOOOOOO! BOGGS ILU!!

Finnick: I am actively pretending this did not happen. In my version, Finnick made it out alive, he and Annie are very happy together, and occassionally he still disrobes in public. NOTHING WILL CONVINCE ME OTHERWISE.

Prim: WHAT? WHY? WHAT? NO! It feels like such a cheap death - a way of making us hate Gale (although he had no idea that his idea would be used that way; it's not his fault), a way of realizing that District 13 sucks, which I think we'd ALREADY FIGURED OUT. Oh, Prim.

President Coin: HA! Yes! FUCKING SERVES YOU RIGHT!

President Snow: Most anti-climactic death of all times. Which I actually liked, because anything was going to be anticlimactic for that bastard. I love that he ended up just choking on his own blood.

Now, can we talk for a second about the next Hunger Games? WHAT? WHAT? I'm sorry, I don't think Kanye Caps are accurately expressing my horror. WHAT. WERE. THEY. THINKING.

As for the ending, well. I mean, we all know my stance on Peeta, and he may be the only character who I wasn't disappointed* in by the end. But I kind of love that . . . well, no one got a happy ending. They got an ending. An ending carved out of what remained; an ending of shattered pieces and broken morals to be patched up, somewhat, but never quite the same, never quite as whole. I don't think it could have ended anyway but that it did, and that makes me happy.

*Except about the kid thing. Stop asking Katniss to have babies with you, Peeta!

There's so much more I want to WTF about: Effie being alive (Cinna being dead - SHUT UP, BRIAN); Gale working in District 2, Katniss's mom ditching her now that Prim's dead, Katniss and Haymitch voting yes for the Hunger Games, whether the Hunger Games happened once Katniss killed Coin, the fact that Madge wasn't secretly alive in the woods somewhere, and Buttercup coming all the way back to District 12. Man, forget A Bird Called Olive. I want the next release of these books feature Buttercup on the cover.

The Epilogue:

PLEASE JUST STOP WITH EPILOGUES. Has an epilogue ever, ever been a good idea? AND WHY DO THEY ALWAYS INCLUDE BABIES? There is no reason to make babies part of a happily-ever-after ending. EVER. I mean, I like babies. Babies are cool. But when a character has undergone years of murder, mayhem, rebellion, assasination attempts and head injuries, WHY DOES THAT CHARACTER NEED TO HAVE BABIES? I didn't want Harry Potter to have babies; I didn't want Katniss to have them. Not everyone needs to have a kid to be happy, YA writers! I promise you this!

Also, how sucky for Annie. How sucky for Annie and Finnick's kid. Dad's dead and Mommy's a basket case, kiddo. Hopefully Aunt Johanna can show up and show you how to be awesome and crazy in a mostly functional way.

I still need time to process this crazy ride I've just been on. I can tell you that, epilogue aside, I really loved it. Maybe I should just remove epilogues from all of my YA book series! It might help!

Regardless of your feelings about Katniss, Peeta, Gale, the rebels, the Capitol, I have one question for you all:

This book fucking wrecked you. Real or not real?

 

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Erin Callahan's photo About the Author: Erin is loud, foul-mouthed, an unrepentant lover of trashy movies and believes that champagne should be an every day drink. When she isn't drowning in a sea of engineers for whom Dilbert is still uproariously funny, she's writing about books, tv, the cult of VC Andrews and more.
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