Who’s Got the Biggest Balls of Them All?

BOOK REPORT for Castration Celebration by Jake Wizner

BFF Charm: Yay!
Swoonworthy Scale: 7
Talky Talk: Straight Up with a Dash of Animal House
Bonus Factors: Fine Arts Camp, Dirty Jokes
Relationship Status: Friends With Benefits

The Deal:

Olivia caught her dad playing Bill&Monica with one of his (college) students, so she's spending her summer at fine arts camp writing a musical called Castration Celebration and avoiding boys. Max loves the ladies (and he'd probably put it that way, too), and he's spending HIS summer at fine arts camp practicing his lines, on and off the stage. He's got a thing for Olivia, and she can't help but feel attracted to him, too, against her better judgment. She recruits her roommates Mimi, Trish and Callie to test Max's true intentions, and learns a lot about her own as she writes her musical.

BFF Charm: Yay!

Y'all, any girl who writes a musical called Castration Celebration deserves a bff charm. Olivia's wicked sarcastic and smart, and has a really adult way of looking at things. Not to say she's not a typical teenager, because she is -- swearing off all boys because her dad's an ass -- but she's a good friend and totally gets that she's got a lot of years ahead of her before she needs to fall in wuv, twoo wuv and get married. Plus, she totally cuts too-big-for-his-underoos Max down to size.

Swoonworthy Scale: 7

There's not just ONE story here, there's two! Well, three if you count the sweet side story between the supporting characters Zeke (Max's Ginsburg-reading, Jim-Morrison-worshiping druggie roommate) and Trish, the sweet girl from Zeke's high school. Anyway, two stories -- Max and Olivia, and the characters in Olivia's musical, Amber and Dick. There's a real Beatrice-and-Benedick/Kate-and-Petruchio/Lizzie-and-Mr. Darcy thing going on between Olivia and Max, and the sparks definitely make for great chemistry. Amber and Dick serve as foils for Olivia and Max's inner thoughts, and their story is more touchy-feely (oh, yeah, in THAT way, too) and less insulty-punchy.

Talky Talk: Straight Up with a Dash of Animal House

So Wizner basically gets the ball(s) rolling with the title, and doesn't stop there. Most of the verbal sparring between Olivia and Max falls squarely in the double (and sometimes single)-entendre camp. Lots of "That's what SHE said!" moments among all the characters. Basically, it's like sitting at any high school cafeteria table, although he's not afraid to tackle serious issues like drug abuse with sensitivity -- without going all after-school special.

Bonus Factor: Performing Arts Camp

You guys -- this picture is from a CIRCUS CAMP

Y'all, summer camp for performing arts at Yale! The closest I ever got was nerd camp at Lamar University in Beaumont, TX, where I did take a drama class but also took a pretend-to-be-lawyers class and made bffs I wrote letters with for about 2 months afterwards. So, I loved living vicariously through these kids, as they experienced their first taste of being away from home, eating in a college caf (Froot Loops for dinner!) and living in a coed dorm.

Bonus Factor: Dirty Jokes

The titles of some of the songs in the musical are "Horny" and "I'm In Love With Dick" (and yes, the whole musical is in the book. But don't skip the songs like you usually do when you see poetry or songs in books! These are awesome). The whole book is one massive dirty joke -- even the ending.

Casting Call:

So even though Much Ado About Nothing is the play frequently referenced in the book, I couldn't get Taming of the Shrew out of my head, and cast accordingly.

Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles as Max and Olivia

Amanda Seyfried as Mimi

I also really wanted to cast one of my college roommates as Olivia's roommate Mimi, even though Melissa wasn't trying to get in every boy's pants like Mimi. But I haven't stayed in touch with her, and it's been like 7 years, so I went with Amanda Seyfried instead (Murdered-By-My-Boyfriend's-Dad Seyfried, not Weather-Forecasting-Boobs Seyfried).

Relationship Status: Friends With Benefits

Castration Celebration has a touch of sensitivity and can handle a serious situation, but it's also really raunchy and adventurous. It would make you laugh during dinner, skip dessert and coffee in order to rush home and jump in the sack, but you'd have no guilt or regret not committing to a romantic relationship.