Unless you've been living in the cave where Voldemort stored that Horcrux, you probably know by now that WB released a brand spankin' new trailer for Part 1 of Deathly Hallows. OMG LET'S WATCH IT AGAIN TOGETHER RIGHT NOW!!!!
Given the earth-shattering historical and cultural importance of this film, it's important that we apply meticulous standards of scientific observation in order to over-analyze the motherloving shizz out of it (much like we did for the first DH trailer). So join me, fellow Muggles, as we journey through the latest preview of the FINAL HARRY POTTER FILM(S) OH GOD I'M NOT READY TO SAY GOOD-BYE.
I'd like to preface this analysis with the acknowledgment that I only read the last book once. And while I do plan on re-reading it at some point in the future, I've found it best NOT to refresh my memory right before a HP film, because my memory is inevitably really, really pissed off because WTF WHY DID THEY TAKE OUT DUMBLEDORE'S BINDING SPELL NOW HARRY JUST LOOKS LIKE A PUSSY. So yeah, if I say something that makes you go, "Duh, Posh, that's in the book!" Feel free to correct me in the comments and feel really good about yrself.
Anyway! The trailer! Grab yr lab coat and let us begin our scientific studies!
IMMEDIATE FIST PUMP for Bill Nighy. The only thing that would make me happier is if Rufus Scrimgeour suddenly burst into "Christmas Is All Around Us."
THIS REALLY CREEPS ME OUT. DOES THIS HAPPEN IN THE BOOK? HOLY SHIZZ.
Even with camping hair AND a scratch on her face, Hermione looks devastatingly beautiful. Girl, I would hate you if I didn't love you so much.
First sign of a tear in my eye occurred at this moment. BEST FWENDS!
Is it REALLY necessary for you to rub this in, trailer? I think WE ALL REMEMBER when it happened the first time.
What, no hedge maze? What kind of estate is this?!
Look at you, Snape, working yr foxy spy magic! I hope I don't have to see you die until the second movie!
MOTHERCUSSING UMBRIDGE. I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE YOU GET PWNED.
Sure, the snake is creepy but it's the fingernails that really give me the heebie jeebies. NAS. TEE.
"GAH why can't we just have donuts and coffee at our meetings like the Muggles do?!"
My favorite thing about Rupert Grint as an actor is his ridiculously goofy facial expressions, and it looks like he is definitely not gonna let me down in this movie.
I have decided to name all of the Harrys in this picture based on outfit (L-R):
• The real Harry
• Columbo Harry
• Money Never Sleeps Harry
• Washed up British rock star Harry
• American Apparel grandma Harry
• #1 Counting Crows fan Harry
• "GAH I wanna be on Glee SO BAD" Harry
Can you imagine if this happened on one of those TLC wedding shows? I don't care how dark yr magic is, Death Eaters, Bridezilla WILL CUT YOU.
As I pointed out last time, TWILIGHT SHOT.
HERMIONE MOTHERF*CKING BADASS GRANGER. That's it, I just added you to Katniss' presidential cabinet.
Shut yr face, Ron. SHUT YR FACE. P.S. LOSE THE STACHE.
YAY DOBBYYYYYYYYY! But wait... oh man. NOOOOOO DOBBYYYYYY!!!
Dude. Sweet ride.
Can I get a WHAT WHAT for Rhys Ifans as Mr. Lovegood?! And let's just go ahead and throw in an extra WHAT for that wig. Also I can't wait to see Luna's bedroom!
HOLY HOGWARTS. And I thought the fingernails were scary! Dude, Harry. BE CAREFUL.
I will thus end my academic report with the following conclusion: this movie is going to MELT MY PANTS.
I now invite you, my fellow scientists, to share yr own observations and hypotheses. I also welcome any suggestions as to how ANY OF US WILL LIVE UNTIL NOVEMBER 19TH?!!!! SERIOUSLY.