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Too Bad There’s Not An Elixir For Writing the Perfect YA Book

Because being just an actress/singer/entrepreneur is so yesterday: Posh reviews Elixir by Hilary Duff (and Elise Allen). 

Too Bad There’s Not An Elixir For Writing the Perfect YA Book

BOOK REPORT for Elixir (Elixir Book 1) by Hilary Duff (and, let's be honest, Elise Allen)

BFF Charm: Maybe?
Swoonworthy Scale: 5
Talky Talk: Easy Breezy
Bonus Factors: Glamorous Globetrotting, Hilary Duff
Relationship Status: Entourage

The Deal:

Before I begin this review, I want to personally thank Jay-Z for grasping the full awesomeness of Alphaville's "Forever Young" and using it in one of his latest songs. BECAUSE IT IS MY SLOW JAM.

This book gave me a great excuse to listen to it (the original-- sorry, Shawn) because Elixir is all about eternal youth. Or rather, the desperate search for it by humanity and, in particular, Clea Raymond's father. Dr. Raymond reportedly discovered the vials that once held a magical elixir for eternal life, but his research ended with his abrupt disappearance in the jungles of South America. Although a year has passed, Clea is still haunted by his death, and even trips to Paris with her best friend, Rayna, can't distract her from wondering what exactly happened to him. While her mother, a famous senator, buries herself in work, Clea finds an outlet in photography and weekly cribbage matches with her tutor and chaperon, Ben (who, of course, is totes cute).

After returning from Paris, Clea suddenly finds the key to unlocking her father's mysterious disappearance: a man named Sage* who appears in every single one of her photographs. Is he a creepy stalker? A ghost? A figment of her dreams? Whatever he is, Clea is immediately drawn to him and soon finds herself caught up in the same mysterious web as her father.

*I KNOW, I know. we really need a tag for terrible names because IT IS AN ALARMING TREND THAT MUST BE BROUGHT TO LIGHT AND STOPPED.

BFF Charm: Maybe?

I'll be the first to admit that we're probably a little loose around here with our bff charms. But come on, we can't help it if we're so nice! And usually drunk! But I'm really trying to be more discerning with my friendships, and that's why I'm still on the fence about Clea. Sure, she's really nice, and she's a great friend to Rayna. And even though she could be super stuck up, because she's rich and gorgeous and famous (she's a senator's daughter, you know. And lord knows TMZ LOVES THE DAUGHTERS OF SENATORS! You know, like... um... help me out here...), she's actually pretty grounded and seems like a fine upstanding young lady.

In other words, SHE'S BORING. Lord have mercy she's boring. I kept wishing for some sass or rough edges, but all I got was smooth, pretty sailing. So, you know, if she invited me over, I would obvs say yes because slumber parties at rich people's houses are THE BEST, but I won't be braiding her a friendship bracelet anytime soon.

Swoonworthy Scale: 4

The good news is that there are sexy times in this book! The bad news is that they're between Clea and Sage, a man based on the mysterious loner dude stereotype and... that's it. I'm not even making MLD a bonus factor in this review, because Sage doesn't deserve it. Look, Hilary (and Elise), you can't just make a dude hot by writing "He's hot!" and "He's so enigmatic!" You gotta give me more to go on, and also, A BETTER NAME.

Without giving too much away, I also have to admit that I've never been a fan of the whole past lives romance thing, because it takes away all of the fun when you know two characters are destined to be together. But, if you like that type of story device, then you'll probably find this book a lot more swoonworthy than I did.

Talky Talk: Easy Breezy

I think I read this book in, like, 30 minutes. The pacing was solid, and the writing style is easy on the brain. It's pretty much what I would expect from a celeb author-- fluffy and fun and completely lacking in depth. In other words, it's the literary equivalent of cotton candy.

Bonus Factor: Glamorous Globetrotting

I have a feeling Hilary's responsible for all of the jet setting that happens in the story, because Clea catches planes from Paris to Rio to Tokyo like it ain't no thang! And she never has to deal with pesky security line delays! I WANT TO LIVE IN THAT WORLD.

Bonus Factor: Hilary Duff

Y'all, I actually really do love Hilary Duff. I mean, she's so pretty! And cheerful! And, ok, it's kind of irrational, and I can't really explain why, but I do. And I think my fandom helped the book go down a little bit easier.

Casting Call:

Duh.

Hilary Duff as Clea

As for Sage, he's gotta be super hot to overcome that name, so I'll go with my new fave from Friday Night Lights:

Grey Damon as Sage

Wow, this picture is so cheesy, it's almost like Grey was DESTINED to be Sage.

Relationship Status: Entourage

I don't feel a strong connection with this book, nor am I really interested in getting to know it better. HOWEVER. I would be more than happy to offer up my company whenever it's got extra VIP club seats/Vanity Fair Oscar party tickets/spaces on the yacht/bottles of Cristal. This book could definitely use a lot more oomph, and I've got that in spades! Spades of oomph! And in exchange, all I ask is to be included in this book's v. glamorous celebrity lifestyle. That's a pretty fair bargain, amiright? Not to mention the fringe benefit of my extremely normal name.

Posh Deluxe's photo About the Author: Sarah lives in Austin, TX, where she programs films at the Alamo Drafthouse. Sarah enjoys fancy cocktails, dance parties and anything that sparkles (except vampires).