Man! Santa is such a creeper. He's totally turning into an Edward Cullen. Jesus, that's just what we need; the jolliest man on earth morphing into an emo stalker who'll start extracting promises of marriage from girls before giving them any gifts. And then Rudolph's going to turn into a pedophile with great abs and the Christmas season is going to be even worse than that year your aunt told you that your boobs were too big for anyone to buy you clothes anymore - right in front of the rest of your family, not to mention your dad, and you turned bright red and it was the most embarrassing moment of your 14-year-old life and GAH! Projection much?
Luckily for you, our dear readers, we're all about salvaging the holiday season. (P.S. Sorry we were too late for Eid and Hannukah! ) To that end, we've decided to help you guys out by offering up The YA Lover's Gift Guide - filled with suggestions for ACTUAL GIFTS that you can give other people who love YA! Or, if you are being harassed by family and friends about what to give you, you can just print out this blog post and give it to them! Um, scratch out the obscenities before you hand it to anyone, though. I don't want to be responsible for offending your grandfather's sensibilities.
Without further ado, we present:
What To Give That YA-Lovin' Person In Your Life: A List
For eReader/Kindle/Nook owners
• eReader covers from Etsy! Stylish and usually affordable, these eReader covers will keep your Kindle or Nook or otherwise sacrilegious "reading" device scratch-free. And, for your ironic hipster friends, may I suggest:
• eReader covers made from books. Because clearly everyone understands that books are superior to technology, even if books won't let you download and instantly read more books just by pushing a button.
Speaking of book covers!
For your YA-lovin'-but-ashamed-of-it friends
• This book cover, made by FYA pal and kickass artist, Travis. Because, look, I love YA, but I do NOT love over-saturated "artistic" shots of stock photo models looking emo. I HAVE A REP TO PROTECT. Even if it isn't a particularly good one.
For the discerning drinker:
• Champ cans! Small and fizzy, these sweet little pink cans offer up the perfect compliment to any of our drinking games. They're the preferred drink of choice for FYAers! And, as I've patiently explained to many people at interventions they hold for me, the best part is that they sort of look like TAB energy drinks, so you can walk down the street with them and the cops'll never know! (You may be wondering what champ cans have to do with people who love to read YA. Um, obvs, people who love to read YA also love to read this website - or, if they don't, they should! - and WE love champ cans. IPSO FACTO. POST HOC ERGO PROPTER HOC. OTHER LATIN PHRASES WHICH VAGUELY MAKE MY POINT BUT SOUND IMPRESSIVE.)
Speaking of FYAers, do you know someone who wants to be just like us? Instead of investing in expensive but probably incredibly necessary therapy sessions, you should buy them the Sweet Valley High board game!
BONUS OFFER! If you buy them the SVH board game, you should take a photo of you guys playing it. Then you should send it to us. Keep in mind, I will immediately run that photo through the Michael Bayifier, in order to match our own SVH Board Game photo:
Okay, so not everyone wants to be just like FYA/Shia LaBeouf. Maybe you know someone who reads YA to feel young again! They just want to recapture their youth!In that case, may we suggest the following products.
For YA readers who want to be a little more Y and a bit less A
• Baby soft perfume (underneath it all, we're baby soft!)
• Hypercolor tshirt (which American Apparel calls "thermochromatic," because they are douchelords)
Of course, some people are into the now! They're hip! They're funky! They wear the popularity of YA for the world to see!
For anyone who likes to accessorize with tokens from books about slaughtering kids
Speaking of accessorizing, maybe you should buy someone (i.e. me) a shirt that celebrates not only the greatest trash novel about incest ever written, but also the feeling the readers have when they're rolling their eyes through endless paragraphs about Cathy's stupid fucking hair.
For the person who has read Flowers in the Attic too many times, that is to say, once:
Okay, seriously, if you have the money for the next gift, you should give it to someone about whom you're not entirely sold. You know, those acquaintances that could go either way, between a true friend and someone you're polite to at happy hour? If you give them this gift, and they don't immediately freak the fuck out/go down on you, it's best to just write them off completely.
For the person on whose friendship you are not sold and/or from whom you would enjoy oral sex:
And, of course, gift certificates to your local independent book store would not go remiss! The recipient could even buy books that aren't YA! I guess! If they wanted to! Weirdos!
And now, dear readers, a little present from FYA to you guys! No, you're not getting a pony. (But you can have a nice butter pecan ice cream cone when we get home.)
We've been pretty excited about unveiling our new logo for awhile now, and we finally can! Just like the newberry medal, when you see the FYA logo on book covers (um, on this website. We haven't quite got the cache to force publishers to put our logo on their books on the shelves. YET.), you'll know that said book comes SUPER recommended by FYA, and that you'll probably end up wanting to make babies with it. (LEGAL NOTICE: FYA is not responsible for paying child support for the babies you make with books we recommend.)
Here it is, courtesy of Mat Young, who was very patient as we went back and forth on the design. Thanks, Mat!! You're a rockstar! (You can contact Mat Young Designsat matthew dot young at gmail dot com)
I know! Doesn't it make you want to slip on a pair of reading glasses and settle down with a great book and a stiff drink?? We're so official!!
We're not quite done with the Christmas spirit yet, so keep an eye out tomorrow, when we'll be playing Santa for some of our favorite YA characters. I hope they've been nice this year!
HAPPY FREAKIN' HOLIDAYS, YOU GUYS.