It's NINE days until Christmas and if you celebrate Consumer Christmas like I do (or real Christmas too, whichever) you are probably starting to get really jazzed for the
miracle of Christ all the gifts you will be getting! But Christmas isn't just about receiving, it's also about giving. But since thinking about all the presents I have yet to buy for my friends and family is giving me hives, let's think about something better! Like! What gifts we would give to some of our favorite YA characters. And the best part is that since they're fictional, we don't even have to spend money follow through on our plans.
Santa has seriously been slacking this year because there are SO many good gifts out there that our fictional YA friends need ASAP.
That guy on the right. Totally unfazed.
Below, a sampling of the gifts Secret Santa Megan No H (that's me!) would give this Christmas:
To: Katniss Everdeen
Hugs n kisses, Megan no h
Girl, I'm taking you to Archivers! Cause nothing helps you get over being forced to murder children quite like scrapbooking!
To: Mike Domski
Warmest Personal Regards, Megan no h
So I've heard you have a little (pun probably intended!) problem down there. If the several emails I get a week are to be believed, this could really help you out!
To: Edward Cullen
Best, Megan no h
A GPS car tracker. If you're going to be a stalker and cut your girlfriends break lines every time she tries to leave you visit Jacob, at the VERY LEAST do it like the rest ofthe world's most trusting boyfriends and get yourself one of these. And leave poor Alice out of it!
Love, Megan no h
Amazon Gift Card. Self Explanatory.
I never forget to include some of the characters I don't like as well. Sometimes they need help more than others! I've asked the FYA ladies what they would give to their fictional friends.
Erin pours the salt on our many YA related wounds with her gifts:
A crash helmet. It might come in handy someday. Or, like, seven days.
A robotic toy dog. Sure, it lacks the warmth and fluffiness of the real thing, but the worst that will ever happen to it is that the batteries will run down. So I'm also giving you a lifetime supply of batteries, cause I don't think I can go through all of that pain again.
P.S. If you aren't using all of the batteries, please give some to Viola. The Answer's campground can get awfully lonely, and she may want to, uh, entertain herself.
A copy of The Giving Tree.
It looks like Jenny may have had some leftover Best Buy gift cards to use up this year:
A laptop, so you can type out your thoughts/commands/instructions.
P.S. It is an honor to stroke your ears.
To: Small Sam
A backpack filled with granola bars, a compass, some grenades and a game boy. Also adoption papers and a plane ticket to Austin, because we can be your new family, and where I promise, no one will try to eat you.
To: Cameron Quick
A prepaid GPS enabled phone, so that you can call anytime. And also so that I can know where you are, since you're not so good with the communication.
Now if only we could get Cameron to accept it, long sigh.
Meghan gives the gifts of warmth and communication:
A fur coat. I know it must get cold on the marble floors of the Plaza, and since Grandmere is so nuts she makes your fur fall out, maybe this cruelty-free faux fur coat will help keep you warm and snuggly.
To: Katsa and Po
Skype. Katsa, just because you're off saving the world one battered girl at a time doesn't mean you can't still keep in touch with your man. Besides, you don't need to take your special herbs when you have phone sex.
Something tells me that Po won't be utilizing that video chat anytime soon, OH BURN.
Posh offers sage advice and offers the ULTIMATE (unpaid?) INTERNSHIP:
To: Jessica Darling
A chapstick. Now that you and Marcus are back together, YR LIPS ARE GONNA NEED IT.
Public speaking lessons. Now, before you say DONNEVEN, hear me out. You've obviously got some keen insight stored up behind those bangs, and people could truly benefit from yr wisdom. Bettaquit the slow routine and start sharing yr advice with the world!
To: Tiny Cooper
A job at FYA. WE NEED YOU TINY. We promise to let you write as many musicals as you want, and they can all be about you, and we'll always stop whatever we're doing to perform/sing/dance/throw glitter with you. We'll even hire a hot boy to be your
manservant assistant. Who cares about Baby J-- YOU are the reason for the season.
Really, her final gift would be a gift to the world.
So what would you get your favorite YA characters? And who is deserving of a lump of coal/spanking from santa/kick in the groin?