Oh my goodness, FYA-readers! This is my favorite day in all of forever! Why, you ask? Cause even as I type this, it's blustery cold outside (well, for Texas), yet I am cuddled up in bed under two duvets, sipping a mimosa and thinking lazily about having a massage today. Best Day Evs!
So, because I'm feeling SO VERY GENEROUS, I'm going to share with you . . . my secret shame.
No, my secret shame is not that time in high school when I kissed a boy who wasn't my boyfriend in the journalism dark room, nor that time in college when I kissed . . . well, pretty much everyone who wasn't my boyfriend. My secret shame isn't the perilously tiny state of my bank account, nor the fact that I'm drinking champagne at 8 in the fucking morning.
My secret shame is my bookshelves . . . or rather, the fact that I judge people on the contents of theirs.
Oh, I'm sure I'm not the only one. Picture the first time you went over to The Person You Had A Crush On's house. Don't lie. Right after inspecting the general cleanliness of the place ("they consider this 'company clean?'"), the very next thing you did was peruse their bookshelves (and possibly their dvd collection, but the advent of entertainment systems means that you typically can't do this without being nosy). One time in college I was thinking about dating this guy in one of my classes. Until I went to his apartment for Sinner (that's when you are supposed to go over for dinner but end up having sex first. Sex-dinner = sinner.), and saw that he was studying Esperantu, and had an entire bookshelf devoted to that subject. Esperantu!! WHAT? It's a MADE UP LANGUAGE! How can there be so many books published about it?? Oh, and ALSO, he had the entire ouevre of Chuck Palahniuk, which he waxed on about for at least an hour (ugh). Though none of that was really the dealbreaker - that came when he put on a FLEETWOOD MAC cd prior to putting the moves on me. FLEETWOOD MAC. I mean, come on.
I digress. Point! I have one! It's that bookshelves say a lot about someone - not only what they like and don't like, but what they are willing to admit that they like IN PUBLIC versus private. It's sort of the literary equivalent of someone who advertises their sexual kinks on the internet versus relegating them to the bedroom like I do.
So! I'm going to share with you MY bookshelves, and tell you what I think it means about me. You're welcome to offer your own opinions!
"top shelf, left"
Okay, let's look at what this section of my bookshelf says about me. First and foremost? I'm lazy. I've run out of room on my shelves, so after I've read a book, I just lay it back on the shelf in its general place, rather than reshelving. I'm a librarian's worst nightmare.
Second: everything is alphabetical by author . . . until I decide I don't want it to be that way. (this will happen later on)
Third: I love Jane Austen, clearly. I may have delusions of living in some crumbling Regency-era manor and snagging an extremely wealthy English gentleman. These delusions may or may not have led to me rejecting many suitors for their Wickham-like behavior. ALSO, you will notice that I own not one but TWO self-published "continuations" of Pride and Prejudice, which contain several bodice-ripping scenes of Elizabeth and Darcy having the S-E-X. ALSO the word the author uses for penis is "larydoodle." Yes, those are on my bookshelves. I am without shame. Mostly. Please don't judge me! I like both sex and Pride and Prejudice!! Smush 'em together and it's like a sexy Darcy sandwich!
Other things to note! I like Books By British Comedians, or at least Noel Fielding/Julian Barratt and Russell Brand.
Let's keep going!
"why do all YA authors have last names that start with A-D?"
I like to refer to this corner of my bookshelf as the Pre-FYA shelf. i.e. it's filled with YA books that I read long before we started up FYA, and SOME OF THESE BOOKS I love, even though I'm convinced no one else does (ahem, the Gemma Doyle series, Sisterhood com Pantalones). It's also PART ONE of the Meg Cabot section, which honestly should have its own shelf and, like, spot lights on it, and maybe some angels playing harpsichords and shit cause THAT'S HOW MUCH I LOVE HER.
This is also a good place to point out what's missing! Look! There's no A Great and Terrible Beauty, and the first few TPD books are gone too! What should you learn from this? You should learn that I am A) very generous, because I loan out books a lot, but B) VERY DISORGANIZED, because I don't remember to whom I loaned them (I suspect, however, it was my cousin), and thus will probably never get them back.
And while we are on the subject of Ms. Cabot, note how many of these books are in hardback. Because I seriously will buy them THE DAY THEY ARE RELEASED.
And, in what is perhaps the funniest non-sequitor on my shelves, look at Naked Lunch, shoved in between A Little Princess and The Princess Diaries. I'm sure this is exactly what Burroughs was intending when he wrote that book. But, actually, it works out well, because after reading about the bends, sometimes you need to have your mind cleansed with some motherfucking princesses.
"shelf two, left side"
MOAR MEG CABOT! You will notice that one series is noticably missing: the Mediator series. Yep! I've never read it! It sounds weird to say this, but I'm sort of . . . saving them. What if Meg decides to retire and just hang out with her husband and cats all day??? WHAT IF SHE NEVER PUBLISHES AGAIN? At least this way, I have some things to look forward to still.
More insight! I have two copies of The Hunger Games. Yes. One is my loaner copy, so that I can hook people. The other is my copy.
ALSO, look! There's one of My Favorite Books, Jonathan Strange and Mr Norrell. I love you, JStrange!
Here is a NON-YA recommendation! The Glass Books of the Dream Eaters series! It's the book form of chasing the dragon. Don't read it on hallucinogens, or your BRAIN MIGHT EXPLODE.
"look how colorful!"
This one is sort of hard to see! So I'll sum up for you:
- books about Elizabeth 1
- books about Sinn Fein
- ghost stories
- Dave Eggars' books (I know, I know.)
- Invisible Man, my favorite book!
- the occassionally problematic Black Like Me
- some books about evolution and physics
"a mess"
Oh, my, several Jack the Ripper books, The Lisbeth Salander trilogy (minus book one, which I loaned to my dad), Edgar Allen Poe, Lolita and Ulysses? It's a wonder the FBI doesn't have me on some kind of Watch List.
This one section of my bookshelves may just say everything there is to say about me - I like smart, awesome women (Dorothy Parker, Flannery O'Conner and Assata Shakur are all shoved in there), I celebrate Chrismakkuh, and . . . my ACTUAL SECRET SHAME . . . I didn't start reading Harry Potter until Half-Blood Prince was published. See? The first five are a set. The sixth I bought about six months after it was published. The only HP book I ever anticipated and pre-ordered was The Deathly Hallows. I know, I know. Feel free to judge me.
(but look how oft-read books 1 through 6 are)
Also, for Christmas my boyfriend's mom managed to combine many of my interests (science, music, religion) into one book:Anarchy Evolution by Bad Religion's Greg Graffan.
"hello monkey!!"
"I LOVE SCIENCE"
"ALL THE SVH BOOKS"
(Also, I keep ARCs I'm going to give away in this box, so that I don't accidentally loan them out to my cousin, who steals books [she has my copy of Sweethearts too! I don't think she's even READ them! Grr.]. Why must I be related to a, dare I say it, book thief?)
But enough about me! What about our other FYAers?
From the bookshelves of Posh D:
Based on this photographic evidence, scientists have unearthed data to produce the following analysis of Posh D's true nature:
The lack of books indicates that Posh only keeps novels she plans on re-reading or lending. This is a peculiar find, given that she apparently doesn't feel the same sense of austerity towards knickknacks, many of which were moved in order for the photograph to be taken.
The gaps between books reveal that Posh is an active YAngelist, constantly pushing loaning books to people.
The jackets resting on top of the books can mean one of two things: She is ashamed of the cover OR She doesn't want her friends to damage the jackets when they borrow books. Given the heinousness of the Vampire Academy jacket, analysts will make a scientific leap and say that this cover falls under the first category.
On first appearance, there is no discernible order to the books. However, upon closer inspection, it is discovered that the books are organized by color. Because Posh is super intellectual like that.
The copious amounts of Sarah Dessen lead to the conclusion that Posh has, like, a major girl crush going.
Meghan's shelves (well, part of them. When meghan and her hubs moved a while back, they had to ship FOUR THOUSAND POUNDS of books!):
"exhibit a"
"exhibit b"
"exhibit c"
Because of the exuberant (read: chaotic and overflowing) nature of meghan's bookshelves, we must take into consideration not one but three of her bookcases (there are actually six in the house, not counting mr. T's Giant Basket O' Books and the piles of books on end tables and on the floor by the bed).
Exhibit A: Almost every book on this shelf has never been read. The mix of classics, biography, literary prizewinners and books in Spanish makes us think Meghan is intellectually ambitious, but the fact that the only books that have actually been read are Harry Potter, the comics, Jane Austen and the brontes tells us she's actually quite lazy.
Exhibit B: one of the shared bookshelves. This shows she married someone who has almost as many books as she does, but his are all boring. Hint: the historical fiction and the poetry are Meghan's.
Exhibit C: she likes to sew. And can't let go of her childhood loves, Anne of green Gables, the dark is rising books and the shoe books (technically not a childhood love, but they should have been - thank you You've Got Mail!). The fact that these books are hidden in the bedroom and not on display in the public area of the house might indicate shame, but it's really a protective measure designed to keep people from stealing them. It's surprising to note this librarian's shelves are such a mess - not the orderly march of books by subject and author, and definitely not by any sort of other more esoteric classification scheme, unless you count by size. But she doesn't shush people, either, so maybe she's actually a pretty crap librarian.
jenny's shelves:
Poor hless (that's our official nickname for megan no h. She has not approved it but OH WELL) had to leave most of her books in Minnesota. Great! They're PROBABLY FROZEN BY NOW, hless!
Okay, so now you've seen what our bookshelves say about us! What do YOURS say about you?!! Send us an email with a photo (or two) of your bookshelves, and tell us what it says about you! We'll be publishing everyone's in a few weeks! DO IT, PEOPLE!
About the Author: Erin is loud, foul-mouthed, an unrepentant lover of trashy movies and believes that champagne should be an every day drink. When she isn't drowning in a sea of engineers for whom Dilbert is still uproariously funny, she's writing about books, tv, the cult of VC Andrews and more.
