Guess what, y'all? It's the last weekend in January! You know what that means? Time to say SEE YA, WOULDN'T WANNA BE YA! to all yr New Year's resolutions! You stuck it out (or not) for a month, gave it the old college try, and is it your fault if you can't keep it up? NO! It's the YEAR'S fault for being TOO DAMN LONG, and the resolutions' fault for being TOO DAMN HARD. So what better way to celebrate yr permission slip for the hedonism field trip than to indulge in that fine example of self-absorbed alcoholism and sexual liberation, Sex and the City, than with a long, hard look at the teenage hardship and pain that formed Carrie Bradshaw's character. HA, who am I kidding? I meant with a Carrie Diaries-inspired drinking game!
But wait, there's more! As a special bonus for all of you loyal
drinkers readers, I'm also including a drinking game for the tv show and movies! Although be warned -- the main rule for SATC2 is "insert DVD, commence chugging."
So The Carrie Diaries is Candace Bushnell's
attempt to cash in on YA's popularity Behind the Music on Carrie Bradshaw, minus embarrassing yearbook photos (but don't worry, there are several "signature Carrie" outfits described! All good for one drink each!). To save you the time of reading it, I've done it for you. I also did the drinking for you (my liver says "You're welcome" to yr livers), but by all means feel free to conduct your own. The book -- like the show and the (first) movie -- is actually pretty fun, if you can swallow (or spit) the silliness and absurdity, and everything's more fun with a Mai Tai.
The Carrie Diaries Drinking Game
Take 1 drink:
• For every mention of shoes or description of outfits
• Someone is mentioned by both first name and last name (y'all, this one will KILL you for Donna La Donna alone)
• Carrie shrieks and/or squeals or emits other Sarah-Jessica-Parker-esque-high-pitched noise
• They drink
Take 1 shot:
• For every mention of Sebastian Kydd by full name (just warning you, I lost track after THIRTY)
• Whenever sex is mentioned or performed
• Anytime there's figurative language that makes you go, "WTF?!?!??"
• Whenever Carrie orders a Singapore Sling
Chug for the duration of any scene in which:
• There's major 80s nostalgia (to the max)
• There's a "Hi, I'm writing YA!" cliche or a Classic High School Moment (TM)
So carrie is starting her senior year of high school (GOOOO seniors!!!) and finds out the mysterious Sebastian Kydd (Shot!) is moving back to town! He's rumored to have been in jail, or with Marilyn Manson, or sleeping with a Spice Girl (oops, wrong bad boy), and Carrie is mortified, because of course, she made an ass of herself in front of him when she was like, 10 (Chug!). Anyhooters, he's hot and she steals him away from Donna La Donna (Drink! Chug!) but then her bff steals him from her! (Chug!) And everyone's sexin' (Shot!) and cheating except Carrie (Chug!) and she just wants to be a feminist, find a man, be a writer and go to New York. and she does! Except the find a man part, because we all know she's got to end up with another cheater and do some cheatin' and sexin' before she settles down. Hey, girls just wanna have fun!
Some of My Favorite WTF?! Imagery (good for 1 shot each)
Y'all, I've never read anything else by Candace Bushnell, so I gotta ask: Is she always this freakin' weird?
Here's how Sebastian Kydd (Shot!) makes his grand entrance (in a yellow Corvette -- chug!) at the first party of the year (Chug!):
Finally, the door opens and Sebastian Kydd [shot!] rises from behind the car like the Great Pumpkin himself, if the Great Pumpkin were 18 years old, six-foot-one and smoked Marlboro cigarettes.
WHAT.THE.FUCK. I don't know about y'all, but I've always wanted to get it on with a chainsmokin' Great Pumpkin.
And this description of a great basement makeout session:
My mind would be telling me to get up, go home, study, write stories, advance my life, but my body was like a boneless sea creature incapable of movement on land.
I think Candace Bushnell has some issues with her sexuality. I mean, who thinks "Oh, jellyfish fucking a pumpkin!" when they think of great sex?
This one's my favorite, though. Again with the AP Bio similes:
My anger is like some rudimentary, single-celled beast, an exploding virus of fury.
Big Sex and the City Moments
Bushnell did a pretty good job of NOT just writing a high school version of SATC, honestly. I mean, Carrie has three girl friends AND one token gay guy friend, instead of ... three girl friends and one token gay guy friend. Ok, scratch that, but it really was a more original book than I expected. That said, there were some definite wow-that's-Future-Carrie moments.
"If it's deliberate," I tell her, with a sudden realization, "it's fashion."
And this excellent exchange between Carrie and her friend Maggie (who's cheating on her gay boyfriend, though she doesn't know he's gay [Shot! Chug! Chug! This is exhausting]):
"So you just did it. On top of the leaves? What about sticks? You could have gotten a stick stuck in your butt."
"Believe me, when you're doing it, you don't notice things like sticks."
Especially if you're a jellyfish or a pumpkin, I suppose.
YA Cliches/Classic High School Moments: A Selection
Painting the graduation year on the roof of the barn! Sneakin' smokes bringing the popular girl down with an article in the newspaper realizing the popular girl (Donna La Donna -- drink!) isn't that bad after all boyfriend stealing gay quarterback! Gay friend getting kicked out of his house for being gay (and seriously, folks, the sad thing is this happens in real life, too).
I'm sure there were others, but at this point my drool is 60 proof and I can't remember more, so it's time to move on to the rules for the tv show and the movies. MOAR DRINKY PLZ. This game is multi-purpose, with the exception of the special SATC2 rules (although they can be applied to the others if you wish. we're not sticklers, here).
The Sex and the City TV/Movie Drinking Game
Take a drink when:
• Shoes are mentioned
• Genitalia are referred to (take 2 drinks if Charlotte's doing the talking, and YES "See you next Tuesday" counts)
• They drink
• They have brunch (take 2 drinks if they name-drop the restaurant)
• They name a fashion designer (take 2 drinks whenever a real live fashion designer is actually on screen)
• They say something so privileged that you actually groan out loud
• Charlotte widens her eyes
• Someone says "fabulous"
• Carrie wears something fugly
Take a shot when:
• Charlotte curses
• You see genitalia (take 2 drinks if it belongs to a member of yr preferred sex)
• There's cheating
• Carrie squeals
• Carrie wears something you actually like
• When you cringe from embarrassment -- chug as long as the embarrassing moment is going on
• During sex scenes (What, too much?)
And the special rules for Sex and the City 2: The Racism Edition
• Insert DVD, commence chug
• Anytime a gay person does something over the top because they're GAY or any other stereotype
So enjoy! Happy hedonism weekend! No need to thank me Monday for yr hangover.