Alright, you ALL warned me! But this week I finally watched Anne of Green Gables: The Continuing Story to wrap up my 'All Things Anne' series with a final drinking game!
For those of you who HAVEN'T watched this, erm... film, let me explain: Sullivan Entertainment apparently executed some douchewadery which resulted in Mr. Sullivan's not being allowed to make any more Anne movies about the books. (Which is sad, because I'd love to have seen them right along.) So somehow, he got round that by making an Anne movie that DOESN'T follow the books. I KNOW right?!!! Oh just you wait! Pick up a champ can and come with me into the world of the unreal!
Let me begin by saying that while watching, I decided to think of this as The Further Adventures of Megan Follows and Jonathan Crombie, (which brought it down in ranks from 'infuriating' to 'plain old terrible') but, for the sake of the fact that I'm lazy, I will refer to them as their character's names from here on out.
The Anne of Green Gables: The Continuing Story Drinking Game
Take one drink:
• For flashbacks! (Even when they're flashbacks from this very movie! When you're all like, oh yeah, Anne, I remember that! Cause it happened 15 minutes ago!)
• When Diana says "You haven't changed!" (Did I mention that this movie was made in 2000? And the 'sequel' was made in 1987? And that only 5 years had supposedly passed since we last saw these, our beloved characters? I'm not saying they didn't look great, but 13 years is 13 years! Also, way to throw a timeline out the window with the WWI addition. In reality Anne and Gilbert were, like, 50, when WWI started.)
• Every time something 'madcap' happens (Anne falling on her face in the sand, or tripping over something, or the wedding tent collapsing, etc. Somehow these things were more endearing and believable in the original movies.)
• Each time Anne and Gilbert kiss (at least they're TRYING to make up for the lack of smoochage in the first two.)
• Each time they make Diana look like a shrew
• Every time Anne finds herself improbably the center of attention (getting an editorial job at a NY publishing company, ditto in London, public speaking, pulled on stage to sing, etc.)
• Every time Sullivan borrows heavily from Rilla of Ingleside for his plot
Take a shot:
• For the state of Green Gables (WTF, Sullivan?!)
• When Anne dresses up like a nun
• When Anne makes a bomb out of an old stove
• When Anne gets a bit too chummy with whichever dude she's hanging out with. (Okay, maybe the segment I like to term 'the adventures of Anne and Fred in London' was innocent enough, but they kept saying things like "It feels like this baby is ours" and "We're like an old married couple" and stuff. But the UNFORGIVABLE CRIME was how she reacted to stupid Jack Garrison!!!! WHAT THE BLEEDING HELL?!!!! GILBERT IS A PRISONER OF WAR, AND YOU'RE HAVING ANNE EVEN BE TEMPTED BY SOME OTHER GUY?!!!!!! Sullivan, I put the black curse on you, just for that. This is ANNE & GILBERT, you're messing with, mo'fo'.
Alternate Anne of Green Gables: The Continuing Story Drinking Game
• Turn off the movie and just drink!
And that's pretty much it, y'all! I may have had some other ideas, but that was a LOT of drinking, so my memory isn't serving so well. I did get all nostalgic seeing that group of actors reprising their roles, (and I have to say, if you grew up watching them like I did, then this would be worth a watch to play the game and enjoy the actors giving it their college best.) but then again, that could have been the gin & tonics. Also, somehow, weirdly, I think watching this renewed my old-old crush on Jonathan Crombie.