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What up, TVDers!!!! It’s been a loooong, looooong month of March while we waited for the return of The Vampire Diaries. George and I had to bury our sorrows in beer and Salvatore Sandwiches while we twiddled our thumbs and watched Parks and Rec discussed things like whether dead Luka’s dad is now possessing Bonnie, and whether or not Katherine will betray everyone, and what Daddy Sark is up to, and whether Isobel is truly evil or not– on Thursday nights.
So here we are at last, and I have just one thing to say: Shirts off, Salvatores! SHIRTS OFF!
Isobel is standing where we left her (wonder if she’s crampy, that was quite a while!) Jenna is in shock when Isobel asks to be let in, and Elena slams the door. Jenna, ever the mature parental figure, runs up to her room crying and slams the door in Elena’s face.
At the Salvatore’s, Katherine tells the brothers (why, hello, Salvatore brothers…) that she thinks it would be best all around if they didn’t tell Isobel that she, Katherine, is still in Mystic Falls. She tells them she’s squarely on ‘team them’. (Yes! That’s what we’ve been waiting for! Two brothers, one Katherine!)
At Elena’s, it’s a case of too little- too late, as Jenna is running away to college, refusing to listen to either Elena or Alaric’s explanation. Daddy Sark is a dick and Alaric punches him! Drink! (They don’t call him President of the Handsome Club for nothing!)
Caroline is still looking for Matt, who freaked about finding our she’s a vampire. And… Product Placement! (Drink? Do we drink for that?) Daddy Sark calls Elena and Stefan downstairs to talk, where they find Isobel in da’ house! Elena is not pleased. Isobel tells them that she hasn’t been able to find Klaus, but that her #1 goal is to keep Elena safe. Daddy Sark backs up her claims, but we’re not sure we believe either of them. Isobel tells Elena she has a safehouse deeded in Elena’s name that would keep all vampires out.
Damon, Bonnie and JJ show up at dead Luka’s apartment, and hey, there’s Luka! Dead! They’re searching the Grimoires for information on the whole ‘harnessing the power of a hundred dead witches’ spell, when Damon lets it slip that he does indeed know where the great witch massacre took place. Drink!
George: Technically, aren’t there 102 dead witches now?
Isobel and some dude she’s traveling with show up at a new mansion, the nicest foreclosure in town, and Isobel speaks French with a bad accent. Then her vampire sense seems to tingle, and suddenly she and Katherine are grappling! Then they’re laughing and hugging! Aw, let’s do pedicures! Isobel tells Katherine that she’s been making deals with Klaus to save Katherine. The ladies drink some blood from a wine merchant, and Isobel calls Jenna ‘Aunt Vanilla’ Drink! Aw, poor Aunt Jenna. She’s really never had a chance. Isobel tells Katherine that Klaus has agreed to let her (Katherine) go, if he can have the moonstone Drink! and Elena. Katherine tells her she’ll betray the Salvatores in heartbeat –if her heart were still beating– and we realize that she doesn’t know that Bonnie’s got her powers back!
At the Salvatore’s, Elena is discussing with them whether or not they can trust Isobel, when Katherine comes in, and sneaks in a question about the moonstone’s whereabouts. Drink! Damon is awesome. Drink!
At the latest Mystic Falls town gathering, the dead mayor’s wife and Mommy Sheriff discuss whether vampires are at the bottom of all Mystic Falls problems. Yes, ladies, they are!
George: Duh…
And Caroline is looking for Matt.
Damon and Bonnie and JJ are traipsing through the woods to find where the witches were burned, and come upon… the old Salvatore mansion? That is what it is, right? There’s some angry dead-witch power there that doesn’t want Damon around, so it threatens him with sunlight.
Katherine is searching for the moonstone, stealing cash and digging through the fireplace, where she gets all dirty. She goes into Damon’s AWESOME bathroom to wash her hands… and finds the moonstone in the soap dish. Drink! Ah, the old moonstone in the soap dish trick.
George: Poor Damon, foiled by his scented soap collection…Can’t tell you how many times that’s happened to me.
Alaric meets Isobel on the street. She has a stuffy nose as she tells him that she really, truly did love him, but then her traveling companion does some voodoo on him that drops Alaric to the ground! Oh NOES!
Damon, seeing that he’s not wanted at the massacre site, decides to leave. JJ is worried about Bonnie, as she begins the spell of harnessing the witches’ power. The dead witches are whispering, but Bonnie says she can’t tell what they’re saying. She goes forward with the spell as the whispering gets louder and louder. At the Mystic Falls shindig, Elena is accepting a donation for the historical society in lieu of her mother, when Isobel eats Daddy Sark as a distraction!
Then while everyone’s distracted, Katherine sneaks up on Elena and reminds us of Gilbert Blythe when she says the word ‘borrow’. Stefan goes to find Elena, but we know it’s Katherine he finds! They go outside and he DOES know it’s Katherine! But she sticks him with a needle and tosses him in the woods!
Bonnie is clearly in a lot of pain during this spell, and JJ can’t help her as the dead witch power knocks him back.
Damon shows up at the dead mayor’s house, and Mommy Sheriff tells him that Daddy Sark is dead. He has to tell her about Sark’s ring of invincibility. His facial expressions are awesome. Drink! Mommy Sheriff goes outside to find Matt, who confronts her about covering up Vicky’s death by vampire. Was it actually death by vampire, since she was a vampire herself? Damon takes Daddy Sark back to the Salvatore’s and sees that he has blood on his shirt. Uh-oh, Damon, you better take off that dirty, dirty shirt… And he DOES!!! SHIRTLESS SALVATORE!!!! Drink! He gets a call from Stefan, and finds the moonstone is missing.
Katherine shows up at Isobel’s new foreclosure, and OMG, Isobel double-crossed her! Isobel and Elena are nowhere near that new mansion! But Isobel’s traveling companion IS there, and he does the mind voodoo thing and knocks Katherine out!
Caroline tries to call Matt for the millionth time, but hey! Matt’s at her house! She tries to explain everything to him, but he does NOT take the warm fuzzies Caroline is handing out.
JJ asks Bonnie what it was the dead witches were whispering, and she says it was a warning, but that it was nothing, so of course, we now know that Bonnie is going to die or something. Then she shows him how much power she got by turning off the lights in the sky and swirling a bunch of leaves around.
George: Without even breaking a nose-bleed!
Damon and Stefan show up at Isobel’s foreclosure, but don’t find anyone there. Isobel and Elena, meanwhile, visit a cemetery, where we find out that Isobel has been compelled by Klaus to betray Katherine. She tells Elena that she had hoped to get to know her one day. Her traveling companion calls her to say he has the moonstone Drink! and Katherine, and she is released from her compel-ion. She says she’s sorry she was such a disappointment to Elena. Then she takes off her day-walking necklace and burns up!
Caroline is telling Matt the whole truth and nothing but, including that she loves him, but he just wants her to make him forget everything he just heard. Caroline has a sad, Drink! but does as he asks.
Elena is also having a sad, about Isobel, and she and Stefan try to figure out why Klaus has let her go. Damon and Stefan tell her they are deeding her their mansion, so she can control which vampires are allowed to visit.
JJ has been reading the Grimoire, and found out that the ‘warning’ was that if Bonnie uses too much of the power, it will kill her. Bonnie says that she HAS to use all of the power to kill Klaus, and that he has to keep it a secret, because it will be her decision to make, if she’s the only one who can save everybody.
Matt is walking outside, and he gets in Mommy Sheriff’s car! Oh no! They laid a trap for Caroline! He drank vervain so she couldn’t compell him, and now Mommy Sheriff knows all about the vampires, too! Mommy Sheriff, sometimes, you are kind of despicable.
Daddy Sark is having a heart to heart with Elena, and he tells her that human Isobel was heartbroken to give baby-Elena up for adoption, and that since Isobel was the first person he ever loved, he wanted to keep Elena safe, even if that means his leaving. No! Stay, Sark! Stay! Elena tells him he’s the only parent she has left, so he gets to stay! Yay! Drink!
The Salvatore’s discuss Bonnnie’s success with the dead witch spell, and realize that NO ONE knows she got her powers back! Bonnie is their secret weapon! Intense Salvatore brothers eye contact ensues. Drink!
Katherine wakes up to see Isobel’s traveling companion doing some sort of mystical blood transfusion on Alaric! Oh no! Is he performing the opposite of an exorcism?!! He IS! Now Alaric is possessed with the spirit of Klaus!!! (Only the President of the Handsome Club will do for Klaus!) Alaric/Klaus speaks in a pretty convincing accent, as he touches Elena’s face, and… end credits!!!!
Argh!!!! So does Klaus actually even exist? Is he just vials of blood that go around possessing handsome men? Or have we yet to meet the REAL Klaus. What did you guys think about Isobel’s demise? And THANK GOD Daddy Sark is going to stick around! Now I turn it over to you! Comments? Theories?
