Okay. It is with fear and trembling that I begin this, the last episode of Season 2 of The Vampire Diaries. We are all still reeling from the deaths of Aunt Jenna and Daddy Sark. Damon is slowly dying of his werebite, Stefan is twitchy to save his brother, Mommy Sheriff is on the hunt to destroy all vampires, Mr. President is dealing with a broken heart, and Klaus is on the loose. Like I need more stress in my life, CW!
With one quick Drink! for luck, let's get this business started!
Elena is watching Jeremy sleep, and Hello, Biceps! You're watching him like a loving big sister who's just lost the rest of her family, and not in any creepy way, right, Elena? Of course. You're not me. She walks into Aunt Jenna's room and looks around sadly before closing the door. Behind her, sick Damon has arrived. He wants to apologize to her for almost making her a vampire. He NEEDS her forgiveness. Elena tells him she needs some time, and he understands. He tells her to take all of the time she needs. Drink! Geez. I'm already tearing up, and the credits haven't even rolled. We follow Damon through his morning routine as he pours himself a glass of scotchy scotch scotch and examines his werebite. He then opens the curtains and stands in the sunlight, playing with his ring. NO, Damon! NOOOOO!!! Oh. My. God. He STANDS there in the sunlight letting himself burn up!!!! Oh thank GOD! Stefan rushes in and swoops him away and locks him in the Salvatore dungeon. Oh Stefan. Klaus wakes up nekked in the woods. Shirtless! (If you didn't realize that shirtlessness was a part of being nekkid.) Drink! Young Harry Hamlin tells him that he remained a wolf even after the full moon, so that means he can be a wolf whenever he wants to. As Klaus adds the heinous crime of covering his torso to an already long list, YHH reminds him of his promise to reunite him with the rest of their family. Klaus tells him to chillax, that they'll have a family reunion soon enough, and something tells me that YHH is about to see his old friend the ash dagger again real soon. At the Bronze, Mr. President is charmingly drinking away his sorrows. Who needs a glass when you can have a whole bottle, bartender?
George: (as Alaric) Ssshh... I'm too handsome for you to take it away...
Stefan interrupts the binge, telling Alaric that Damon needs his help. Alaric remembers how he wasn't allowed to help in the last episode, but then Stefan tells him that Damon is dying. Alaric Presidents up.
George: (as Alaric) Enough with this day drunk: Mobilize The Handsome Club!
Out in the center of town, HEY! It's a Mystic Falls thing! Where all the town is gathering! This time they're showing Gone With The Wind! And a lot of people are dressed up in costumes! Uh-oh, people. I think if I lived in Mystic Falls, and I heard there was going to be a town gathering, I'd stay home. Elena and Jeremy have decided to escape their sorrows with a bit of Civil War drama in a potentially dangerous setting.
George: Elena makes living sound awesome!
"After all, tomorrow is another day.."
Then Vampire Barbie arrives with a pic-a-nic basket! Now here's a girl who knows how to make lemonade, folks! Jeremy is not thrilled about watching Gone With The Wind, but Caroline's pep-talk brings a smirk to his face. And we like that smirk. Drink!
Bonnie and Stefan are at the old candle emporium/casa of love, beseeching the hundred dead witches Drink! for a cure for Damon. Then Emily possesses Bonnie! She tells Stefan that perhaps it's Damon's time to die. But that's bullshit, Emily!!! Then Emily leaves, and Bonnie says the witches didn't want to help, because it was Damon! But she heard them say a name: Klaus! WTF?!! The dead mayor's wife walks up to Mommy Sherrif wondering where they are in the 'vampire situation'. She thinks Mommy Sheriff isn't doing a good enough job. When did the dead mayor's wife grow a spine? Or a brain? At the Mystic Falls thing, Stefan shows up, and asks Elena to go for a walk with him, where he tells her about Damon being werebit. Stefan then tells Elena that since he's the one that made Damon become a vampire in the first place, that he has to do whatever it takes to save him: even going to see Klaus. Elena doesn't like this idea, but she doesn't want Damon to die any more than the rest of us.
George: (as Stefan) I can't believe Mystic Falls is having another shindig. Haven't they learned anything?
At the Salvatore's, Damon is still in the dungeon, and, Flashback! Drink! Katherine sees him peeking at her through her open doorway, and asks him to help her with a knotted corset string. Sure.
George: If you won't Damon, I will...
Then Katherine tells him to hurry back from the war, because she'll miss him. Then she tells him that she wants both him AND Stefan, and is that so wrong? And I have to say, no, Katherine, it really isn't. But Elena appears, turning this into a halluciflashback, Drink! and tries to impart to him the wisdom he would have gained from being brought up in the 1980's, so he could Just Say No. He promises Katherine to hurry back anyway. Stefan shows up at Alaric's house, where Katherine is still waiting, wondering why she hasn't been able to leave the apartment, since last she heard, Klaus was supposed to be on the cutting room floor. But then, speak of the handsome devil and he shall appear! Klaus is surprised to see Stefan, but Stefan just ups and asks him to help Damon. Klaus tells Stefan he'll have to wait a tick, because family comes first, and then YHH looks guiltily, and tries to justify not killing Klaus, and then Klaus STABS YHH!!! Oh, Klaus, you're so evil!!! Poor YHH! Do we pour one out? Let's just Drink! instead, and hope for the best. Klaus is on a stabbing spree and gouges Stefan right near his heart! Oh noes! Stefan tells Klaus that if he'll cure Damon, he'll do anything he wants. I think Klaus wants you to take off your shirt, Stefan. Just sayin'. Back in the Salvatore dungeon, Alaric shares his numbing potion with sick Damon, but Damon tries to provoke him into killing him. Mr. President isn't falling for it, so then Damon begs him to kill him. Alaric WAS raised in the '80's, and he won't do it. Elena drives up at the Salvatores', and hears something behind her. When she turns around, Mommy Sheriff is there! Then Mommy Sheriff is in the dungeon, and she points a gun at Alaric, and asks him where Damon is! Don't point that gun at the President, lady! She goes into the dungeon where Damon is lying on the floor, but he was only faking it! He throws her against the wall! Then it's a commercial break! And Caroline is in it! It's like, 'Oh, the lady who plays my mom just got crunched into some bricks, here's a Ford!' Well, not really, but kind of. Back at the Gone With The Wind showing, Alaric calls Jeremy and tells him that Damon is loose and sick and Elena is missing. Bonnie tries to make Jeremy stay there, but he is a man, now, Bonnie!
You can't stop him, Bonnie. He's proved his mettle! He's earned his name! And that name is Jeremy!
Klaus is reminding Stefan of his sordid past, and telling him that that's the Stefan he likes. Then he bites Katherine! But then he makes her drink his blood! And the werebite heals up! He really is the cure! The weremilf's 'bite me' line should have said 'bite Klaus', I guess, but that would have taken the mystery out of it. Damon is stumbling through the crowd at Gone With The Wind and Jeremy finds him and tries to help him. Inside, Mommy Sheriff is holding Elena hostage. Jeremy takes Damon into the Bronze, and then Mommy Sheriff shows up with her gun again! And she points it at Damon! Stupid bitch face! He's a vampire! That won't... OHMYFUCKINGGOD!!!!! Damon runs away and the bullet hits Jeremy in the chest!!! NOOOOOOO!!!! Caroline and Bonnie show up, but this wasn't a mystical attack, so his ring of invincibility won't work!!! Caroline tries to feed him her blood, but it's too late!! NO! No no no no no. There has to be something Bonnie can do, right? Right?! Alaric shows up and someone needs to bitchslap Mommy Sheriff just to make me feel better. Elena, still locked up, throws a chair through the window to escape. Klaus pours some of his blood into a vial and tells Stefan that he'll give it to him to save Damon if Stefan'll just sign up for 10 years of being Klaus's brah. Then he makes Stefan drink a blood Capri Sun! But he doesn't know that Stefan has spent the whole season building up a resistance to iocane powder! Stefan drinks it, but then Klaus gives him another! Katherine looks on, concerned. Alaric and Bonnie are back at the candle emporium/casa of love, and look, those are the candles Jeremy got her! Bonnie beseeches the hundred dead witches Drink! to bring Jeremy back, but the witches are mad at Bonnie, and tell her that there will be consequences! Alaric tells her to tell them to shut up, because it's Jeremy!!! Bonnie keeps chanting the spell, begging Emily to help her, because she LOVES HIM!!!! Then the candles go out and Bonnie is crying, but Jeremy wakes up! OH THANK GOODNESS. Elena is running around outside the movie screen looking for Damon, and she finds him, but he is in ROUGH shape, and he halluciflashbacks! Drink! He's chasing Katherine! He pushes Elena up against a tree! Katherine won't feed him her blood, but slices her neck open, and tells him if he wants it, he can take it. He tells her not to tell Stefan, and OMG, it wasn't Stefan's fault after all! He bites into Elena's neck and she says 'OW!' and he collapses against her.
George: (as Damon) Is this another Mystic Falls shindig? Haven't they learned anything?...
Caroline gets the call that Jeremy is back alive, and she tells her mom that it's time to deal, and they hug and cry. Jeremy is back home, looking up things on the internet that might explain why he feels different, and Bonnie Skypes with him, and they flirt and are cute. Drink! Then Alaric comes to the door and is thinking about leaving, but decides to stay! Then he is awesome! Drink! Jeremy thanks him, and Alaric immitates Bonnie, and this is our favorite moment. At the Salvatores', Elena is holding Damon, and he is all covered in sweat. If this wasn't so serious and sad I'd tell him he might not be so sweaty if he'd take his shirt off. He asks Elena to tell Stefan that he made the wrong choice, and Elena has a sad. Drink! Meanwhile Stefan is on the floor with a tummy ache, bloated from all the blood Capri Sun's Klaus is making him drink. Poor Stefan. I don't know if he built up this much resistance. Klaus wants him to agree to leave town with him to save Damon, and Stefan grabs another blood Capri Sun in answer. Klaus gives the blood-cure vial to Katherine and tells her she can leave. Damon seems like he's nearing the end, and he tells Elena he deserves to die, but that he's glad he met her, and that he's sorry for so many things, and that he loves her, and that if she had only met him in 1864, because she would have liked him then. Elena tells him that she likes him just the way he is, and then she kisses him! OMG! Drink! He thanks her as he starts to slip away, and then Katherine shows up and gives him the cure! Then Katherine tells Elena that Stefan gave up everything to save Damon, and that hey, Elena, it's okay to love them both. Klaus has YHH in a coffin, and is putting him a shipping container with the rest of the family. Then he tells Stefan that he's just about ready to start their road trip, but first they need a snack, and he brings out a girl! And he eats her a little bit! And Stefan hesitates as she tries to run away, but then he stops her and eats her up!!!! Oh no! Is Stefan only faking it?!!! Jeremy is asleep in his bed, but a shadow and creepy sound wake him up. He goes downstairs, and Vicki is following him! Holy crap! Alaric is sleeping on the couch and doesn't hear a thing! Then he hears his name called and turns and it's Anna in front of him! And Vicki behind him! OH SHIT!!!!! Season Ender....
Whoah. Just whoah. What the heck is going to happen next?!!! I did NOT see that turn coming with Jeremy. Oh man. And so what, now is Stefan going to be all evil, or is he just going along with Klaus because he's so honorable and doing it to save Elena and Damon? And will Elena and Damon get together now? I've wanted that for so long, but I feel guilty if it happens now! Curses, CW! Why you gotta play with my heart like that? Okay, so NOW what are we going to do until next fall????