About the Book
-
Author:
- Caissie St. Onge
- Genre:
- Paranormal
- Voices:
- Cis Girl
- White (Non-Specified)
Cover Story: Schmeh
BFF Charm: Eventually
Talky Talk: Self-Deprecating
Bonus Factor: Vampires
Relationship Status: Friend In a Lower Grade
Cover Story: Schmeh
This cover certainly doesn’t wow me but at least I’m not running for the hills. Maybe I’m walking, casually toward the hills, but definitely not running. I prefer covers with photos or illustrations, but at least the font style is interesting. However, this cover would have been 10 times better if the background color were anything other than hot pink. There are so many lovely colors…all the colors of the rainbows (ROY G BIV), blues, greens, oranges even! Why not try some of those colors? Just not hot pink. Hot pink is the worst.
The Deal:
Jane Jones is (if you couldn’t have already gathered from the book title) the worst vampire ever. Jane is small, average-looking, sickly, awkward, timid and not at all like the fictional vampires she sees on TV or in books. Jane is also blood intolerant, meaning, whenever she has even just a drop of blood, she goes into an anaphylactic shock-like state. Turned into a vampire at 16, Jane and her family move from town to town every few years, choosing new identities so that no one notices that she and her younger brother don’t really ever seem to age. But Jane’s mundane life starts to get interesting when not one but two guys become interested in her. There is Jane’s geeky but adorable history partner Eli and Timothy, a rich, handsome vampire who seems way out of Jane’s league. And when Jane begins to suspect there is something unusual about her history teacher, she is really in for a surprise.
BFF Charm: Eventually
Girl really had to work for this charm! Jane was a complete pushover at the beginning of the book. Sure, being 16 is hard, but Jane’s been at it for 70 whole years so she should be a lot better the teenager thing by now. And in all that time she had apparently never made a single friend (red flag!) But Jane redeemed herself toward the end of the book. She became much braver, stood up for herself and began stepping outside of her comfort zone.
Swoonworthy Scale: 2
This book read a bit younger than the typical YA fare I read, so it’s no surprise the swoon level was a bit low. There is some kissage in this book and some cute moments, but nothing too heavy (physically or emotionally). The relationships are kept sweet and light, but as a result, none of them really packed any punch for me.
Talky Talk:
This book takes place from Jane’s perspective and she can get pretty down on herself. However, her self-deprecation is mostly funny. For example:
“Ma, you know the group of super-nerdy kids who are obsessed with vampire novels and walk around the mall wearing capes? Even they won’t let me sit with them at lunch.”
Buuurn. The author does her teen speak very well. It’s interesting, because often I think people’s teens sound too adult. This book gave me the opposite feeling, because I often thought Jane sounded too genuine as a teen, which was funny considering Jane’s actually 70 (80?) years old.
Bonus Factor: Vampires
Sometimes I feel like I’m the only person left who likes vampires. That is blatantly not true, since vampires novels fly off the shelves faster than Sudafed at a Montana Wal-Mart. But I feel like most of the cool kids gave up on vampires around the same time sparkle dildos came out (yes, they exist). So as a sad, spurned vampire lover, it’s fun to see new books that take the old stereotypes and play with them. And with all the fang-filled melodrama out there, it is nice to see something lighter, funnier and self-aware of the more silly aspects of the genre.
Relationship Status: Friend In a Lower Grade
I think many of us have that friend from high school – they’re cute and sweet and you really like them and occasionally they can roll with you and your senior friends. But only depending on what the activity is because every once and a while you realize a couple years really does make a big difference in high school. And that they’re just not at the same maturity/experience level as you are. But you still appreciate them for their lightheartedness and enthusiasm when you’re tired of hanging out with your more angst-filled same age friends.
FTC Full Disclosure: I received my ARC from Random House. I received neither money nor cocktails for writing this review (dammit!). Jane Jones: Worst. Vampire. Ever. is available now!
