Hey there, tributes! Did you tune in to the VMAs last night to catch a glimpse of the Hunger Games movie? If so, Lionsgate totally played you, sucka! This was the biggest fail of a sneak peek since the time I tried to find my Christmas presents in my parents' closet and broke a shelf when I was eight. All we got from this one minute video is that the arena is a pretty forest, Katniss can run and Gale can articulate words. GOOD JOB GALE.
But of course, that won't stop us from analyzing the shizz out of this promo! Because we're
suckers scientists! And we can't help ourselves.
Ok, so here's the video. I won't even dignify it by calling it a trailer. Watch it closely, because NOTHING HAPPENS:
Now, let's pull out our microscopes and do some science!
It's a forest! I'm pretty sure we're in the arena. EXCITING.
And... more forest! Ok! We're in the arena. Got it.
Someone is walking, and she's got a bow! It must be Katniss! The suspense is totally not killing me!
LOOK WE GET IT. THE ARENA IS A FOREST.
Hey, Katniss has eyes! Awesome. And they are full of fear! Because she's in the arena! Which is a forest!
Are we sure this is footage from the movie and not just the EW shoot?
Wait! She's running! Something exciting is about to happen! Finally! Maybe we'll see some of the other tributes killing each other! Or sweet little Rue!
Ah, it's the fireball scene! You know, the page in the book where Katniss runs from the fire. And there's no one, like say Peeta or Gale or Haymitch or anyone we might possibly want to analyze on screen, in it. Great.
Wait, this shot looks familiar. Where have I seen it before? Hmm. Oh that's right, IN THE PROMO FOR THIS PROMO. I hate myself right now.
Yep. More fire. More running.
I know this jump is supposed to make Katniss look badass but it just looks... terrible staged. As if it was done for PROMOTIONAL PURPOSES. HUH.
Alright, now THIS is what I'm talking about! THAT'S MY KATNISS. Let's take a moment and applaud this casting before the next trailer with Peeta and Gale reminds me of how much I will hate this movie.
OOOOH! So THAT'S what that animated gold thing turned into! I'm so glad 20 seconds of this 60 second video were devoted to this stunning motion graphic!
Oh March 23, why are you so far away? We have MONTHS and MONTHS of waiting ahead of us, months that will be filled with inflated marketing attempts and ludicrously teasing trailers. Guys, I really don't think the odds are in our favor. Do you agree? Disagree? Share your scientific observations in the comments!
P.S. Really, Lionsgate? That's the hashtag you're trying to start? I would've gone with #PeetaHasCroissants.
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