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Awkward 1x9: At Least She Didn’t Give Her Panties To A Freshman

A recap of Awkward 1x9: My Super Bittersweet Sixteen.

Awkward 1x9: At Least She Didn’t Give Her Panties To A Freshman

Previous episode: "The Adventures of Aunt Ally and Lil' B"

Hey there, Awkwardians! I'm here with your recap of last night's episode, "My Super Bittersweet Sixteen," which was both bitter and totally, totally sweet. And I maybe actually like Matty now? WHAT THE WHAT? Tough times head for Team Jake below, y'all...

First, our episode summary:

Fave slang/phrase: "Open to my facemail"

Matty or Jake (who won this episode): Matty

OMG moment: Tie between the mirror on the ceiling and Matty's surprise visit

Here's what happened:

As usual, I missed the first minute of the show. MTV WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO EARLY? I'm guessing Jenna was looking at pictures on Facebook from her party? At any rate, her parents bound into the room and wish her a happy birthday in the most obnoxious yet adorable (obnoxable? adoranoxious?) way possible.

It's never too early for cupcakes!

Jenna's Dad (known as DILF from here on out-- What? It's true!) is taking Jenna to the DMV for her driver's test and hands her her lucky socks, which are rainbow striped and totally rad. Wow, I would never be able to save those socks for once-a-year use. I'd be bustin' out that Rainbow Brite action like every day!

Jenna's nervous about her test, and when the instructor, excuse me, the Messiah of the DMV, gets in the car, her anxiety shoots up a level because HE HAS A HOOK HAND.

Adventures in Babysitting, anyone?

Of course Jenna totally fails her test, and then begs DILF to hang out with her so she doesn't have to go to school. No dice. As Jenna puts it, "Just another crap day in 2000 suck."

Tamara's at her locker talking to a girl who is way too pretty to be a band geek, and she utters one of my new fave slang phrases from the show, "PFM" = Pure Freaking Magic. Jenna approaches, hoping that Tamara is "open to my facemail," but Tamara is still pissed (totally uncool, T!) and barely utters a "Happy Birthday" to Jenna. Looks like maybe Jenna has Goth Kyle to thank for her birthday locker decorations, and I am SO GLAD to see both Goth Kyle and Sadie, who tells Jenna that she lost the deadpool, i.e. she thought Jenna would have killed herself before her birthday. Oh Sadie, I missed you.

Jenna tries to get Valerie to write her a note to miss school, but V is WAY too excited about Jenna's b-day and gives her a DVD of Sixteen Candles, which is actually an awesome gift! Way to go, Val! Although you might want to keep your Long Duck Dong impression to yourself.

At lunch, Jenna sits alone, comparing herself to David Shapiro, who eats lunch every day with his imaginary friend. That joke seems like a bit of a stretch for this show, but whatever. Tamara and her PBGF (Pretty Band Geek Friend) are talking about Ricky Schwartz, and even though Tamara says he's "HTT Gorge," she's tired of being played by him. PBGF brings up his claims for tons of hard-ons during band practice, although based on her "zipper patrol," PBGF thinks it's all an act. She asks Tamara if she's going to forgive Jenna, and Tamara says not yet, although she did teach her how to use a tampon, so they're totally blood sisters.

Jake walks by and asks Jenna if she's going to the game, then invites her to sit with him, Sadie and Matty. Which is so sweet! But seriously, why are Matty and Jake actually friends with Sadie? I'd like the show to explain this beyond "they're all popular!"

Valerie shows up with a bullhorn and a dash of Prison Mike and proceeds to ruin Jenna's low profile in the cafeteria.

Commercial break! Hey, Rachel Bilson has a new show. And Jason Street is in it! And it's called Hart of Dixie. I... probably won't be watching that.

Back to the show! Valerie's rap is AMAZEBALLS. And she blows out the candles on the cake before Jenna has a chance. Keep it classy, V!

As soon as Valerie leaves to get plates, a mortified Jenna gets up to to leave, then realizes that she's got a visit from her Aunt Flo. Damn. And Tamara has the period pants! Cut to Jenna wearing gym shorts (hey, at least she can show off those sweet rainbow socks) and begging Teen Mom to pick her up. Teen Mom gives some lame excuse about carpet cleaning while guys are moving furniture into the house. What's happening, hot stuff?!

To kill time while waiting for her pants, Jenna goes to the game, and Jake saves her from sitting with Valerie on the bleachers. I thought about making some kind of friend zone/end zone joke here but I know absolutely nada about football except that if you have clear eyes and full hearts, you can't lose.

It's not a touchdown, but Jake definitely gets some points.

In the band section, Tamara is STILL talking to PBGF about Ricky Schwartz, and I am SERIOUSLY over this shizz. Fortunately, Tamara decides that it's time to "escape from Schwartz Mountain," and she sends him a text to meet her at a place where everyone goes to have sexy times. PBGF is all, "What?!" but Tamara has a plan.

Matty shows up at the game and is still acting like Jenna is "an a-hole," which really pisses me off. THEN he has the nerve to cheer for Sadie, which is just, like, THE LAST STRAW. Jake asks Matty if his brother Jamie is still kicking his ass, and Matty says, "Yeah, and he's not the only one." Goddammit. Does this mean Matty is being abused? Now I have to feel guilty for hating on him.

Jenna, feeling awkward, makes a quick exit, but Sadie accosts her at the bottom of the bleachers and tells her to stay away from Matty and Jake. "You're like something a desperate celebrity would adopt from a third world country. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" And for her present, Sadie splashes her iced coffee all over Jenna's shirt.

That is SUCH a Taylor Vaughn move! (<-- She's All That reference)

As if that wasn't bad enough, Sadie invites the mascot (Thor? Zeus? Eh?) to dance all up on Jenna's business, and Jenna just stands there in takes it. Girl, I cannot WAIT til the day you finally learn to stand up for yourself and give Sadie the bitch slap she deserves.

Jenna ends up on the curb, still waiting for Teen Mom, when Jake, Matty and Sadie walk by. Jake asks if she's going to the after-party (SUCH A SWEETIE), but Sadie says it's a private party, and again, I wonder: WHY are Jake and Matty friends with this girl?! Jake suggests that Matty give Jenna a ride, and I gotta give Jake major pants right now for being so cool and nice and friendly after all of that shizz went down at the party. He's totally not hitting on Jenna, but he's not being all weird and angsty either.

Matty drives Jenna home, and to break up the tension, Jenna apologizes for what she said at the party. Matty says he does care too much about what people think and that it kills him that Jenna thinks that about him. I suddenly realize that I MAYBE SORTA LIKE MATTY NOW. WTF. Maybe because his character finally has more depth? Or maybe it's because his facial expressions and gestures in the car are just so REAL HIGH SCHOOL BOY.

SORRY JAKE.

Jenna talks about her bad lucky, so Matty makes her hand over the "lucky" socks, then he throws them out the window. Dude, what did those socks ever do to you? At least donate them to Goodwill so someone else can taste the rainbow!

Jenna asks if they're cool, and Matty says, "Yeah," then Jenna asks "Friends?" and Matty grips the steering wheel. So... not friends? More than friends? THIS TENSION IS HOT. And the focus on the hand thing is so Mr. Darcy in Pride & Prejudice 2005!

Inside the house, Teen Mom presents Jenna with her birthday present: a totally redesigned bedroom! Jenna deems it, "Perfect... for entertaining clients as a highly paid escort." Teen Mom is just WAY too adorably excited about it, especially the lighting schemes, which included Sultry and Sordid. And then, the best part? There's a MIRROR ON THE CEILING.

"Best thing about a mirror on the ceiling? You can do your make-up in bed!"

In spite of her total terror, Jenna is actually really sweet and thanks Teen Mom. Then she does a really smart thing: she decides to watch Sixteen Candles. Let John Hughes soothe your soul, Jenna! I mean, hey, at least your grandmother didn't feel you up.

Tamara meets Ricky under the bleachers and TOTALLY tells him off. And she admits that she shouldn't be mad at Jenna while letting him off the hook. FINALLY. THANK YOU. She exclaims,"This flirtationship is over!" And then Ricky says "You're so hot right now" and they start making out. OH HELL NAH.

Jenna is in tears by the end of Sixteen Candles. Of course you are, honey! It's an amazing, life-changing film! Molly Ringwald has taught her that "Even hot guys will like you if you like yourself." That is true, although if you define "hot" by Jake Ryan's standards, you WILL be disappointed.

Jenna goes through the box that Teen Mom filled with her "old room stuff," and starts to accept herself. She pulls on an old medal and flips through pictures and dare I say, I'm getting a warm fuzzy right now. She even rips up the letter from "a friend"! FIRST PUMP!

Looking at her birth certificate, she sees that she was born at 7:32 PM, so she's actually still fifteen for one more minute. Then she hears a noise at her window, and it's MATTY! Bustin' a Jake Ryan move! Jenna may not be wearing a poofy pink bridesmaids dress, but she IS wearing an old tiara and medal. Matty says, "I forgot something. Happy Birthday," and I can't believe I'm saying this but SWOON! Then he asks, "What happened to your room?"

They lie on the bed and laugh at the mirror. Matty admits that he lied in the car, and he doesn't want to be friends. GASP! He wants to be more!!!! They start to kiss (ok, make out) as a cover of "If You Were Here" plays. NICELY DONE, SHOW!

You're no Michael Schoeffling, but you'll do.

I have to say, I'm really glad the show finally let Matty act in this episode. He's got depth! And a real personality! Now I'd like to see them do the same for Sadie.

So what did y'all think? Fave phrase? Did you change your team allegiance? Will Tamara will able to redeem herself? And where the heck is Ming?

The trailer for next week looks like things will get even more interesting...

Categories: Tubin' Tags: awkward tvmtv
Posh Deluxe's photo About the Author: Sarah lives in Austin, TX, where she programs films at the Alamo Drafthouse. Sarah enjoys fancy cocktails, dance parties and anything that sparkles (except vampires).