Praise the lord and pass the Salvatores, it’s time for season 3 of The Vampire Diaries!!!!! Are y’all as excited as I am?!!!!! Can you tell I’m excited?!!!! By all the exclamation points?!!!!!
Now, if you’ve tuned in this morning looking for your Friday dose of My So-Called Life Lessons, fear not, I’m not abandoning them! I will continue recapping throughout the year, when The Vampire Diaries goes on hiatus, or I can manage to do both, but there’s only so much recapping a girl can do at once, so… On with TVD!!!!
We last left our heroes with Stefan about to go on a ‘bros before hoes’ road trip with Klaus, leaving the handsome club of Damon, Alaric and YHH to pick up the poor pieces of Elena’s heart, Jeremy was seeing the ghosts of girlfriends past, and Caroline (aka Vampire Barbie) was generally being awesome. And poor Aunt Jenna is dead dead. RIP. Now before you start asking ‘where is George?’ he wasn’t available for this episode, but will be back next week with his own brand of witty commentary. Have you got your cocktails? Need a refresher of The Official Drinking Game rules (see above)? Let’s go!
Oh look! A girl is channelling Sookie Stackhouse! And Klaus sneaks up on her to ask to use her phone! Uh-oh. I think he wants to use her as a juice box. Sookie is less than hospitable, so Klaus has to compel her to invite him in. There’s another chic in the house, but it’s okay ladies, Klaus is just looking for some dude! But once he gets his information, Klaus tells Stefan to kill the ladies, and Stefan eats them up, and he likes it!!!
At the Gilbert’s, Elena is having a sad Drink! about Stefan being gone. She wakes Jeremy up because he’s late for work. Jeremy has a job? I bet it’s at the Bronze! Downstairs, Alaric is making coffee. Oh hai, Mr. President! Elena is on the phone with Caroline, who’s planning a birthday party for her, but Elena is only interested in finding Stefan. She shares a moment with Alaric and I am distracted by his bed head (or sofa head, apparently) which makes him look a bit like a cute British rocker.
At the Salvatore’s Damon is in the bathtub drinking champagne! Oh hai, Damon! I’ve got a feeling he’s shirtless underneath all those bubbles. Come on, CW, I REALLY want to take another drink. He asks the juice box for more, but she declines, just so he’ll have to get out of the tub (thank you juice box!) and we have a SHIRTLESS SALVATORE!!!! Drink! This is already shaping up to be a good season, since they made us wait like, 7 episodes last year! Elena shows up and walks in on him and is REALLY embarrassed at seeing Damon dressed only in bubbles. Oh, Elena. After pretending that Elena’s new lead on Stefan’s location probably won’t amount to much, Damon goes back to a map in his room, where he’s been tracking Stefan too! Aw, Damon.
At the Bronze, Jeremy is Skyping with Bonnie (who’s away visiting her dad) while he unpacks stock or puts away dishes. I think the most important part of this scene is the digital product placement, but I could be wrong. Or maybe it was the crazy light flicker and appearance of the ghosts of girlfriends past! Poor Jeremy. Boy can’t catch a break. Matt comes in (oh hai, Matt! That’s the last time, I swear. I’m just so happy to see these folks again. Seriously.) and asks Jeremy to switch sections with him, because Caroline and Tyler just sat in his. Caroline wonders at why everybody thinks she and Tyler are dating, and they look guiltily away from each other. Then Jeremy walks back into the Bronze, pausing to look over his shoulder in a moment that can only be termed ‘guy in a t-shirt porn’ and I am very pleased, indeed with how he’s grown up.
At a honky tonk, Klaus finally finds the guy he was looking for, and it’s a werewolf! That’s right! I forgot Klaus is trying to make a whole army of werepires! Dude won’t tell Klaus and Stefan where his pack is, so Stefan invites him to play a drinking game! Hurrah!
The handsome club arrives at dead Sookie’s house, and Alaric is awesome Drink! before they find the dead bodies of the two girls, and Damon recognizes Stefan’s ‘signature’ all over the killings. Whoah, my signature is pretty messy, but it doesn’t leave posed headless corpses in its wake.
While getting things ready for Elena’s party, Caroline and Tyler talk about how being supernatural has gotten them both worked up into a hormonal stupor. So being teenaged vampires/weres is a lot like… being a teenager, then?
Back at the honky tonk, we discover that ‘Truth or Vervain’ looks a lot like torture. Klaus finds out that Damon is hot on their trail, but Stefan, always self-sacrificing (?) tells him that he’ll make sure Damon stops. And Klaus is awesome. Drink!
Damon gives Elena a necklace that I guess was hers? but she lost it? and puts it on for her. Meaningful eye contact ensues. Drink! Whoah. Big party. Damon is awesome Drink! and miserly with his alcohol. Matt and Jeremy smoke some pot, which makes me feel old, because I am impressed that they are showing it! So gritty! Then Alaric bemoans what a terrible father figure and teacher he is for ‘chaperoning’ this drunken debacle. Elena tells Alaric and Damon about the pot, and is awesome Drink!
At the news station, the juice box gets stalked by Stefan for a scary little bit, and I think he’s gonna kill her. Fortunately (?) Damon is on his way to pick her up. Meanwhile, Caroline has a heart to heart with Elena about moving on with her life, but then Elena finds Damon’s tracking map, so she gets sidetracked. At the news station, Damon finds juice box’s purse and Stefan. Stefan tells him to stop following him and Klaus, but Damon believes that Stefan is still good, just like I do, but then OMG Stefan kills the juice box!!!! Holy crap! And he’s awesome while doing it! Drink! So maybe Stefan likes his life on the road? Or is he just trying to convince Damon that he does? Damon has a sad. Drink!
Back at the birthday party, Caroline and Tyler get into a fight, and then start smooching and decide to make like a tree and leave. And I gotta admit, it’s pretty hot. Drink!
Elena confronts Damon about his tracking Stefan behind her back, so he drops a truth bomb on her about what, exactly, our boy has been up to this summer. Then he feels bad about it, but it’s okay, Damon. It had to be done.
Back at the Gilbert’s Matt and Jeremy have a serious case of the munchies (SO gritty! Every detail of the drug experience!) Matt goes to leave, but then he asks Jeremy about his seeing the ghosts of girlfriends past, but then thinks ghosts? No way! Mystic Falls already has vampires, weres and witches! But ghosts? Totally unbelievable. Allow it, Matt.
At the honky tonk, Klaus forces the dude to drink his blood and kills him. Then Stefan comes back feeling all tortured and remorseful about being mean to Damon. Know what would make you feel better, Stefan? Taking off that awful constricting shirt. What do you say, CW, two for two? No?
Elena comes home to find Alaric packing his bags because he thinks he’s not a good role model ’cause he drinks too much and stuff. Hey Alaric, don’t go! We love you! We need you! And your handsomeness! And your new haircut! Elena says none of these things.
Caroline and Tyler are mowchicamowmowing, and whoah! Hot vampire/werewolf sex! This is way hotter than that scene in Underworld: Rise of the Lycans. Just be careful guys. Use teeth condoms or something, so nobody gets bit.
Damon has a sad Drink! and trashes his room, while Stefan is crippled by guilt and crank calls Elena. She guesses it’s him, and tells him how much she loves him, and that he’ll be okay, and I find myself getting a little choked up, because my boy IS still good! Klaus was right! He loves his family, and that’s why he’s doing whatever Klaus says! And I find him so incredibly attractive when he’s really suffering. Aw, Stefan… Drink!
Caroline goes to do the walk of shame out of the dead mayor’s house but runs into the dead mayor’s wife, and then dead mayor’s wife totally shoots her in the back! Holy shit!
Well, well, well. Didn’t we start the season off with a bang? So what did you guys think? Quite the turnabout with Stefan being all naughty and Damon acting the hero. Alaric best not go too far, because those Gilberts need him as much as the handsome club needs its president. And where is Katherine? AND where is my Young Harry Hamlin?!!! Let’s conversate!
