Previous episode: "My Super Bittersweet Sixteen"
Breaking news, you guys. I figured out how to set my DVR to record a few minutes early, so not only did I finally catch the beginning of the show, I also got to watch a stirring Teen Mom montage! Thanks, technology!
But seriously, what can we do to improve birth control awareness in this country? And, even more pressing, will Matty finally ask Jenna out on a real date? LET'S FIND OUT in this recap of "No Doubt."
Fave slang/phrase: Skitch (skanky bitch). If I was less of a pansy about offending people, I'd say "Anne Franking."
Matty or Jake: Matty
OMG moment: Matty doing Ming's hair. SQUEE ATTACK!
Oh shizz, there's a fight at school! And Tamara still hasn't talked to Jenna because she really wants viewers to like Ming instead. The fight is actually an argument between Lissa and Jake, because Jake finally owned up to kissing Jenna! And then Lissa totally bitch slaps Jenna! DANG!!! But she crossed herself first so it didn't count as a sin. Just like they did in the Crusades!
Valerie breaks it up and asks for the blondies (Jake and Lissa) to come with her. Tamara finally talks to Jenna: "They're calling it the slap heard across the Quad." Even better, she refers to Lissa as "so jacked up on Jesus!" Unfortunately, that convo was just a "friendship drive-by," so the fences still haven't been mended. LAME, TAMARA.
In the counselor's office, Valerie is trying to help Jake get back into Lissa's circle of trust. Lissa complains that Jake's public apology makes her look unstable, and Valerie points out that it has more to do with her twitchy eye. And, you know, her recklessness with her behymen!
Jake has a chance to break up with her, but he totally pussies out. On behalf of all of us Team Jakers, DUDE, MAN UP.
Jenna and Ming are talking in the hallway about how to mend things with Tamara. Jenna wants Ming to act as a buffer, but she protests, staying Chinese people can't be Switzerland. "The only thing we're neutral about is child labor!" Jenna persists and finally gets Ming to lure Tamara to the Sanctuary so Jenna can try to apologize again.
Matty comes around the corner and calls her a homewrecker, and their super cute banter is BEYOND PRESH. He finally asks her out, and Jenna makes him actually say the words "Will you go out with me?" Apparently girlfriend has been chugging the Skele-Gro because SHE'S GOT A BACKBONE NOW!
Ming brings T to the Sanctuary and points out some graffiti: "For a sex touch call Tamara." Tamara recognizes Ming's handwriting and wants to know why she wrote it and what the heck a sex touch is. And I want to know why Ming is so damn awesome. Jenna shows up, and Tamara says she's not ready to forgive her. WRITERS. COME ON. I really don't want to hate Tamara but you're not giving me much of a choice here. T also says she didn't write the letter, but she has an idea of who did.
Jake, Lissa, Matty and Sadie are sitting together at lunch, and Lissa gets mad about gummi bears or something, I dunno. The only time I really listen hard to Lissa is when she's doing a cheer about staying pure. The girls get up to find some non-carb food, and Matty asks Jake why he told Lissa about the kiss. Jake just wanted to come clean, and I'm wondering if and when Matty will tell Jake what's up with Jenna. Finale material?
They serve froyo at the school? WHEN CAN I ENROLL?
Back at the Sanctuary, Tamara asks for forgiveness for saying she wrote the letter, and she and Jenna share a warm hug, which is tripled when Ming joins in. The drinking game for this show has definitely got to include a shot for every time I shout, "I LOVE YOU MING!" at my TV.
T puts forth the theory that Matty wrote the letter, especially since he's been hiding Jenna. "He's Anne Franking you!" She claims that Jenna is too blinded by Matty's hair products to see the truth, but then Jenna spills the the news that she's actually got a very public date with him that night. He texts her and says to prepare for a long drive. So... it's not so public?
Also, Jenna points out that Matty is a remedial speller, and that's one of the many reasons I buy her crush on him. She knows he's not the brightest bulb, but she likes him anyway. And more and more, I agree with her!
Tamara and Ming show up at Jenna's house while she's getting ready for her date. They search her room for the letter (which Jenna taped back up), and they read it aloud, citing "proof" that Matty wrote it. Jenna says they can Nancy Drew it another time, and asks them to stay in her room as she goes down to meet Matty. Tamara tells her not to look for her shoulder to cry on when Matty turns out to be the author of the letter. Ming: "Mine will be available." DRINK!
Teen Mom is busy showing Matty baby pictures, and I never get why people think this is embarrassing. I mean, sure, doting parents can be a little much in front of your crush, but EVERYONE IS CUTE WHEN THEY'RE A BABY. There's no braces or acne or bad haircuts when you're six months old. Flaunt that shizz!
"Here's Jenna when she was just a bump... in my senior portrait!"
Matty is cutely excited and even smells his pits, so Jenna knows he's FOR REAL. But then the drive takes an hour, and Jenna begins to have doubts, especially when she sees the sign for Reseda. Maybe Matty really IS Anne Franking her.
Cut to Lissa and Sadie, hanging out by the pool. Sadie is trying to convince Lissa that Jake needs to validate his apology by defriending Jenna, and I find myself wishing Sadie would enroll in Regina George 101 so she could gain a little more finesse. She does get points for telling Lissa to listen to her instead of God. "God sold out his only son to die on a stick." They start writing out the script for Jake to say to Jenna, and Lissa begins with "Hey Skitch," which means skanky bitch. Sadie: "Don't pretend like you coined it. I did."
Matty and Jenna are finally at the restaurant, and Jenna is horrified by the cheap, vaguely Ren Fest-y decor and Christmas lights. Jenna, stop hating! This place probably has really good cheese fries! She starts to tell him that she knows he's trying to hide her, and then this big jolly dude (Matty's uncle) sits down and tells her that Matty's never brought a girl there before! Say what? Then he gives them a bottle of wine! Uh, yeah, I can see why Matty is a regular.
You done good, Matty.
After dinner, Matty and Jenna are make out walking into the house, and surprise, Ming and Tamara are still there! What's with the cock blocking, ladies? Tamara instructs them in how to play a game called "What's your dirty secret?" They all write down a secret and throw it in a bowl, and Matty is being a REALLY good sport about this. Jenna's secret: "My friends embarrass me." Ming's: "My parents think I'm gay." (Drink!) Matty revels that he once felt up his handicapped neighbor, but she initiated it, so... nope, still creepy!
Jake arrives outside of Jenna's house with Lissa and Sadie in the car. They tell him to go to the door and read Jenna a message. He doesn't even look at it before he rings the doorbell, which I frankly don't buy.
Meanwhile, Matty is doing Ming's hair! "It's less about the product and more about the flip." Congrats, Matty! You are now an official resident of Adorable Town! Tamara asks Matty what she should do about Ricky, since he kissed another girl (Jenna), and Matty says he's a douche. DING DING. THAT IS CORRECT. But Jenna thinks that Matty is being a hypocrite, since he kissed that girl at the party. But I think we all know he wasn't into it, right? Plus, he was in a HOT TUB. Good judgement doesn't stand a chance when bubbling liquid is involved. (See also: champers.)
This picture makes me want to use TIA in a new way, i.e. THIS IS ADORABLE.
Jenna heads downstairs to answer the door, and it's Jake, who just realized that his girlfriend gave him a nasty note to read to Jenna. Instead of reading it (good call, dude), he apologizes to Jenna for telling Lissa about the kiss, and you can see the sincerity in his sweet baby blues. Jenna accepts, and then sends him a facemail that says, "Hey... maybe I like like you? Maybe?!"
This love triangle is back in action!
Commercial break, and hey, it's 2005 Mr. Darcy! He's in the Three Musketeers, which I wasn't planning on seeing, because honestly, who can top the Chris O'Donnell version?
Jake leaves, and Matty comes downstairs with a pore strip on his nose. Do girls still use those? Really? He and Jenna laugh together, then he puts an arm around her and they look so cute together and seriously, PANTS TO YOU, WRITERS. Pants to you.
Jake gets back to the car and tells Lyssa they are done, causing me to yell "BOOM!" at my TV. FINALLY. Now that Jake's grown a pair, maybe he can be a serious contender for Jenna's heart. He takes the keys and makes Sadie and Lissa walk home. YOU'RE WELCOME. (P.S. Has anyone else found themselves unable to say "You're welcome" without the Sadie tone? Even when you actually mean it? First world problems, y'all.)
Tamara tells Jenna that she doesn't think Matty wrote the letter, and I'm all DUH. The gals leave, and Jenna and Matty start kissing on her bed. Yay! But, you know, use condoms, kids. I don't want to see Jenna on the next ep of Teen Mom.
Next week: It's the winter formal! And it's the finale, or is that in two weeks? I can't tell. Regardless, it looks like Jake asks Jenna out to the formal, and she turns him down! Dramz!!!!
So what did y'all think about this episode? And seriously, how much do you love Ming?