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Picture Pages: Marcus Flutie

Introducing Picture Pages, with an analysis of a Google Image Search. First up: Marcus Flutie, from the Jessica Darling series!

Picture Pages: Marcus Flutie

If you're anything like me, you do a fair amount of Google image searching every day. Obvs I do it for strictly professional purposes, like finding YA book covers and shirtless pictures of Thomas McDonell. Honestly, I have no idea how people got their lust on work done before image search was invented. But even though Google is super smart, it is constantly dumbed down and effed up by the internet masses. Like, for ever appropriate image I find, there's a dozen that make ABSOLUTELY ZERO SENSE. But instead of simply shaking my head and scrolling onward, I've decided to harness this WTFery for all of your enjoyment! Because that's exactly our skill set* here at FYA!

Welcome to our new series, Picture Pages, in which we Google image search a YA-related noun and judge the shizz out of the results! In keeping with the internet's attitude, we will analyze these pictures on a completely superficial level: we won't click on any of the images so we can refrain from learning any context clues. Because we choose to remain ignorant! Just like a good internet commenter should!

Sound good? For our first subject, I chose the esteemed and dead sexy Marcus Flutie. LET'S GO, INTERNET!

*Drinking is implied.

1.  OK WHAT. The V. FIRST picture that comes up in Google Image search is some random dude with dreads? FAIL. I wanted to add about ten more NOs but then you wouldn't have actually been able to see the image. (Which isn't a bad thing, really.) Internet, I thought we both understood that Marcus Flutie having dreads is something we all need to PRETEND NEVER HAPPENED. And don't think you can fool me with that kitten. No amount of cuteness can hinder the fire of my judgement upon this travesty!

2.  It's a quote from the book! I can't really discern the pattern within the letters but yeah, this is kosher.

3.  I'm guessing that someone thinks Pacey-era Joshua Jackson could have played Marcus Flutie. That someone is obvs wrong, but I went with a "?" instead of a "X" because I didn't want to incur Erin's wrath.

4.  I gave this image a check, because that's a quote from the book, but then I had to add an X to account for the shirt's total fugliness. Just say no to Cafe Press, y'all.

5.  It's Megan McCafferty! Being pretty!

6. What does a cheesy quote mug filled with hot chocolate at Christmas time have to do with Marcus Flutie, God of Sex? Well, they are both things I crave but... that's about it.

7.  It's boring, but it is from the book, so I'll let it pass.

8.  Um, is that the dude from Incubus? Internet, COME ON.

9.  Just looking at this shirt gave me tingles. YES, YOU! YES!

10.  Well, well, well. If it isn't the FYA MLD icon! How APPROPRIATE and INCREDIBLY ACCURATE.

11.  It's lots of photos of hot guys! Note: No matter what I'm Google image-searching, this type of picture will ALWAYS get a check.

12.  The iron-on letters aren't quite right, but yes, it's a replica of one of Marcus' day-of-the-week shirts. I could've used a bit more arm muscle on the model but c'est la vie.

13.  I'm confused. This is a quote from the book... but it's printed on someone's wrinkled senior portrait. Quois?

14.  Again, why so skimpy on the biceps, Internet? Still, there's no dreads, so this one gets a check.

15.  Aw, 10-Things-Era Heath Ledger would have totes made an excellent Marcus. Excuse me, I think I have something in my eye...

16.  This picture AGAIN? Really?! I've gotta give it an X for taking up a space that could have featured a photo of, say, Tim Riggins.

17.  I love JGL as much as the next gal, but his ability to rock a suit would be totes wasted on Marcus Flutie.

18.  This picture reminds me of the 4 W's of Journalism: WHO. WHAT. WHERE. WHYYYY?

19.  Is that Andrew Garfield? Guys, look, the dude will be a cute Spiderman, but can you picture him lasso-dicking? Yeah, I didn't think so.

20.  This picture needs to go back to where it came from, and that place would be A WORLD OF NO.

21.  This guy looks familiar. Is he on a CW show? In other news, I don't care.

And that's the end of our inaugural session of Picture Pages! Do you agree or disagree with my analysis? Leave yr judgement in the comments. Because that's what the internet is here for!

 

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Posh Deluxe's photo About the Author: Sarah lives in Austin, TX, where she programs films at the Alamo Drafthouse. Sarah enjoys fancy cocktails, dance parties and anything that sparkles (except vampires).