Hey, tributes! So, as you all know by now, the new Hunger Games trailer was released today. And this one's not just Katniss running around in the Twilight woods. It's, like, actual footage of stuff that happens in the movie! And it looks... pretty good! In fact, a few seconds in, I started to worry that I wouldn't have any material to hate on in my analysis. Then I saw Gale's face. And Peeta's hair. And then this science lab was BACK IN BUSINESS.
So mix up a cocktail in yr beaker, roll up yr sleeves and let's ANALYZE THIS SHIZZ. Note: If for some reason you haven't read the entire trilogy (lucky you), be aware that there are spoilers in this post.
First, let's observe the subject in its entirety so we can make careful observations.
Now, let us proceed with SCIENCE!
The Seam definitely looks pretty crappy! The only thing missing from this rural tableau is a hillbilly wearing a barrel.
"Wait a second... I'm supposed to be attracted to you?"
This scenery > Gale's face.
Dude. CLOSE YR MOUTH. Seriously.
"I was an extra in The Hunger Games, and all I got was this lousy hair gel."
The Reaping! Looks good.
Effie! Looks CRAZY! But in a totally fabulous, this-might-need-to-be-my-Halloween-costume-next-year kinda way.
Prim! Ok, I might be sad when she explodes. Maybe.
Yes, Gale, the Reaping is the PERFECT time to try out yr Blue Steele on Katniss.
J-Law is rocking the tough-as-nails Katniss. But would it kill Hollywood to fug her up a bit before the Capitol makes her over? Hey, I know! Just throw some glasses on her! That always makes girls seem uncool and ugly!
I can't believe Effie doesn't have her own polish in the Hunger Games line because those nails are FIERCE.
With that big head flower, Effie is obvs an Anne Geddes fan.
So, Katniss, here's the deal. You're gonna be caught in a love triangle between this guy:
And this guy:
Look, ma, CGI!
Makeover montage! Excellent! I hope there's a catchy pop song involved.
Cinna! You know, I think Lenny Kravitz might actually be awesome in this character. And at the v. least, there's finally a hot guy in the movie.
Now I kind of wish Caesar Flickerman was hosting the Oscars.
Ho ho ho, kids! Merry Hunger Games!
Obviously, the Capitol has not figured out zoom technology. Ooo IS THAT A COCKTAIL?
This shot feels like it's straight out of a dance movie. The Hunger Games: Step up and DIE!
From this angle, Peeta actually looks ok. Let us pray that all of the arena cameras are set low to the ground.
DAMN YOU, COLLINS!
Cato has definitely been training at the Cobra Kai dojo.
Finally, INTENTIONAL douchey-ness. I'm digging the boy band facial hair.
So basically, Cinna and his team just made Katniss' hair look big and pretty.
They... did not do the same for Peeta.
Ahhh, Prim gives Katniss the Mockingjay pin. Funny, that also happened in the totally fake script we read!
This scene in the book made my almost pee my pants from terror. It looks like it might do the same in the movie, minus the terror part because Cinna's "Rock on!" head nod = HILARIOUS.
This countdown is a great way to build up the tension so that it can be totally destroyed by Gale's moping.
I get that the trailer needed to present the premise of the film, but I wish they had shown more scenes from the Games, because this was totally the best part:
I GOT CHILLS, Y'ALL!
I GOT NO CROISSANTS, Y'ALL.
So, fellow scientists, what did you think? Excited? Appalled? Wondering where it said in the book that Peeta's bad hair is crucial to his character? LET US CONVO.
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