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Picture Pages: Jonah Griggs

An analysis of a Google Image Search of Jonah Griggs from Jellicoe Road.

Picture Pages: Jonah Griggs

Hey there, kids! It's time for another WTF-filled edition of Picture Pages, our new series in which we shed the light of science into the wild and darkest corners of the internet, aka Google Image Search. Prepare to unearth dazzling discoveries and mind-blowing mysteries as we journey through the pictures that show up on our search for another YA hottie: Jonah Griggs.

Before we proceed, I must remind you that on this expedition, it's important to reflect the culture around us. When we see an image, we don't click on it to find its origin or zoom in to examine it carefully. We must make snap judgements! We must remain vigilant in our superficiality! If you, fellow explorers, are willing to accept these conditions, then onward ho!

1.  Hey, I think that's Matt Saracen!! Who is... nothing like Jonah Griggs! At all! Like, seriously, Matt would lose his territory to Jonah about five minutes into the war, then feel bad about disappointing his grandma. But I love that sweet boy anyway, so he still gets a check.

2.  It's the cover of the book! Ok!

3.  DRAMATIC FACE GUY. I have no idea who he is, but based on his eyebrow lift and head tilt, I think he wants to kill me. Or kiss me. Or maybe just find his shirt. It's hard to say.

4.  Well, lookee here! The FYA MLD icon appears yet again! Excellent work, Catalano.

5.  If I squint, I can make out that this picture says "My Book Boyfriend." I was going to give this picture an X, because Jonah is obvs MY book boyfriend, but that girl's awkward pose just made me confused. I mean, how is that comfortable?

6.  I don't know who this guy is, but I do know that he has Disney hair and a douchey smirk. In other words, HE IS NOT JONAH GRIGGS.

7.  Wait, is this a Backstreet Boy?

8.  It's another version of the cover! Ok!

9.  Look, we've already had two covers show up. That means that you, image, are taking up valuable real estate that could be used by, say, a picture of Ethan Peck or Tim Riggins. So I don't mean to be rude, but I think it's time for you to hit the (Jellicoe) road.

10.  At first glance, I thought this was Joseph Gordon Levitt. Then I realized that it's... maybe Brad Renfro? Then I had a sad.

11.  Oh look, it's a scared kitty! Just hanging out in the Jonah Griggs Google image search, being cute! WAIT WHAT? (It still gets a check, though. I can't deny that level of preciousness.)

12.  Channing Tatum! Hello sir! You are in no way my image of Jonah Griggs, but you certainly are a fine specimen. Plus you were in two Step Up movies, so that's an automatic check.

13.  I'm guessing this picture is somehow related to the fact that Jonah is a cadet. But at least give me some hot men in uniform! Or some beach volleyball! COME ON.

14.  Look, image. I realize we haven't seen you before. But I'M SICK OF COVERS. COVERS BE GONE.

15.  Did you not just hear what I said? For the love of YA, you're not even written by the same author!

16.  A book cover... where the potentially hot guy's face is turned away from us. NEXT.

17.  This guy looks familiar. But I also see a CW icon on the corner so... no.

18.  I think that's James Franco? Maybe? I like the dude, but Jonah Griggs would've sawed off his arm in 24 hours, know what I'm saying?

19.  WHAT. WHAT. WHAT IS HAPPENING.

20.  Another military-type picture. Another disgruntled Poshdeluxe.

21.  That picture is too tiny for me to make out the identity of the boy, but I can clearly see that the wind is poetically blowing his Jane Austen-style outfit as he stares off into the distance with ennui, i.e. SHIZZ JONAH GRIGGS WOULD NEVER DO.

21.  Channing Tatum, we meet again! Normally, I would give you points off for appearing twice, when you so do not resemble Jonah Griggs, but there's something about this image that really appeals to me. It's hard to put my finger on (and boy, I wish I could).

Thus ends this Jonah Griggs edition of Picture Pages! This was a tough one, with few clear winners, but that's what happens sometimes when you dig deep in the name of science. Feel free to share your scholarly input on my results in the comments!

Posh Deluxe's photo About the Author: Sarah lives in Austin, TX, where she programs films at the Alamo Drafthouse. Sarah enjoys fancy cocktails, dance parties and anything that sparkles (except vampires).