Now that the holidays are over (unless you're Russian Orthodox, then it's Christmas Eve, so Happy Christmas to you!) we can finally get back to the business of living our normal daily lives. By which of course I mean watching The Vampire Diaries, because its mid-season break is over!!!!! Thank the little baby Jesus!
I don't know about you, but I'm sure hoping this episode lives up to its name, bringing us Relief from the lack of shirtless Salvatores we've been experiencing during this break, the Recovery of YHH -- once they undagger him, of course, and perhaps the Reform of Klaus, now that Stefan has the family? Or the continued Reform of Stefan? Actually, I don't really want either of them to reform, so we'll just stick with the first two. Oh! I know! Alaric can become president of a new union: the union of the few remaining humans in Mystic Falls! Elena and Jeremy and Matt will be founding members! Okay, let's dive into Relief, Reform, Recovery (and let the New Deal jokes begin)!
Need a refresher of the Official FYA Drinking Game: The Vampire Diaries, Season 3? Let's go!
Bonnie is entering a house. Is it the Requisite LJ Smith House Of Disrepair Set Far Away In The Woods? Yep. Sure is. Only the hundred dead witches whisper really loud behind your back like that. Witches. She goes into the basement,
George: 'Cause when you're in a spooky old house that's whispering to you, always head to the safest place... the basement.
and there are the four coffins of Klaus' family! Wait, four? So it's YHH and three others we haven't met? Is that right? She opens one of the coffins, and OH, it's a DREAM. Klaus is inside it, looking all angelic. He has the necklace Drink!, and when Bonnie touches it, there's someone behind her! (Oh Shit +1) And she wakes up.
Training montage! Or running montage. Who's that running behind you, Elena? Oh no! Run faster! (Oh shit +2)
George: In Mystic Falls, even a morning jog can take a sinister turn.
Huh. It's some guy we've never met before. Who happens to have a British-ish accent. Something tells me he's friends with Klaus.
Elena and Bonnie compare how paranoid they're feeling from all the 'whole part where Klaus is going to kill you' and 'having a recurring dream about four coffins', which tells me that maybe, Bonnie, you should just let Elena talk for a while. Elena also tells Bonnie that good Stefan is well and truly gone. I certainly hope so. At least for a while.
At the bar, Damon is sampling from the bar service while Alaric appears to be working on something. It's something presidential, I'm sure. Damon is awesome Drink! with his use of the words 'naked' and 'Klausageddon'. Alaric is awesome Drink! when he says that contrary to what Damon obviously thinks, his (Alaric's) sole purpose is not to just hang out with Damon. Oh, but that is also a show we would watch! Anyway, he's actually there because Jeremy downloaded a history paper off the internet! The hot bartender tells him that Jeremy also got fired from the Bronze! Oh noes! (Oh shit +3)
George: Oh Alaric, turns out you're one hell of a president, but a terrible guardian.
Jeremy is upset about the haunting - or lack thereof - of the ghosts of girlfriends past! And Bonnie breaking up with him! I hope he's not all into the drugs and the pouting again.
He's not! He's into getting drunk and shooting things with Tyler! And I have to say I'm surprisingly okay with that! Texas, what have you done to me? Let this meeting of the Handsome Club, Junior League, Paranormal Division commence! Of course, things get out of hand, like they do with teens and drinking, and next thing you know Tyler is daring Jeremy to try to shoot him with a crossbow. Boys. Also, Tyler says 'hybrid'. Drink! Then he catches the arrow. Drink!
Back at the Bronze, Damon and Elena flirt shamelessly for a moment, but are interrupted by Klaus! (Oh Shit +4) And the guy with the vaguely British-ish accent! Poor Klaus. He just wants his family back, safe in their coffins close to him. Elena is awesome. Drink!
The only way this scene could be more intense is if Alaric were also somehow involved.
Bonnie, in an attempt to recapture her dream, enters Requisite LJ Smith House Of Disrepair Set Far Away In The Woods. As per usual, the witches are whispering behind her back. Witches. She goes down into the basement, but there are no coffins down there. Instead, it's Stefan! (Oh shit +5) He followed her! He needs her help! He wants her to help him keep Klaus's family hidden.
At the Gilbert's, Alaric and Elena are staging an intervention-dinner for Jeremy, but Jeremy just wants to just hang out with his hybrid friend, Tyler! And he invites Tyler into the house. Ooops. (Oh Shit +6)
Meanwhile, Klaus shows up at the Salvatore's to make another bid to join the Handsome Club. But Damon tells him that open enrollment doesn't happen again until September.
George: Damon Salvatore kind of has an awesome life. Drinking scotch all day long?
The Gilbert family dinnervention switches focus to Tyler, as Alaric and Elena try to suss out the difference between being sired and being compelled. Turns out it's a little something called 'faith.' In other words, there's no difference at all, Elena and Alaric.
George: I'm FINE with my hybrid problem! I mean, it's not a problem. I'm having fun with it. I can stop at any time...
Klaus explains to Damon about the whole thing where Stefan stole Klaus' family, and then decides violence is on the menu, and calls someone and tells them to do the 'thing'. At the Gilbert's, Jeremy is just hanging up from a phone call he says was nothing. We are obviously supposed to think Klaus has compelled him, but has he? Is this a red herring? Tyler takes his leave, and while Alaric and Elena's backs are turned, Jeremy disappears. And he LEFT HIS RING OF INVINCIBILITY BEHIND!!! They run outside, and Jeremy is standing in the middle of the street as an SUV comes careening down the street toward him! Klaus DID compel him! To kill himself!!! (OH SHIT!! +7) Alaric rushes him and pushes Jeremy out of the way, but the SUV crashes into Alaric!!!! (OH SHIT!!!! +8) Oh, I HOPE he's wearing HIS ring of invincibility!!!! Wait, does an invincibility ring protect you from hit and runs? Please, please, please don't do this, CW.
George: WHAT?!!!! Are they just PLAYING with us now?!!!!
Tyler joins Klaus at a construction site, and he's suddenly not so okay with Klaus's plans, if it involves killing.
Elena is surprisingly calm with a dead Alaric on the sofa, all because of the ring of invincibility, so I guess I can breath again. She also says 'hybrid' Drink! Jeremy is not so okay with everything, and suggests they all just get out of town.
George: And Jeremy might be the only one with any sense.
Bonnie tells Elena where to find Stefan, so Elena and Damon head out to the Requisite LJ Smith House Of Disrepair Set Far Away In The Woods, and mention how the hundred dead witches took away Bonnie's super power. Drink! Elena finds Stefan, but he totally doesn't care about the fact that Klaus tried to kill Jeremy. He is awesome. Drink! So Elena smacks him and tells him to go to hell. Go Elena! Drink!
Damon tells Elena to go take care of her brother while he takes care of his. But he has to go inside, where he'll get burned up a little bit by the hundred dead witches! Poor Damon.
Alaric wakes up (YAY!) but doesn't feel so well. Then he sneezes out a big glob of blood! OH NO!!! (OH SHIT +9) Something's wrong! The ring isn't working right! Paramedics show up, but the guy with the vaguely British-ish accent compels them away! Alaric is coughing on the floor! He's dying! WHAT. THE. HELL?!!! NOOOOOO!!! The guy with the vaguely Britishh-ish accent says he can save Alaric, but Elena has to let him in! (Oh shit +10) Arrgghh!!! DO IT, Elena! Save Alaric!
Geroge: This is the worst episode ever!
But then an arrow shoots the guy from behind! It's Jeremy! Being all badass! And then, OMG, he gets a butcher knife from the kitchen and chops off the guy's head! YES! (OH SHIT!!! +11)
George: FUCK YEAH!!!!
Your accent wasn't Brittish-ish enough, guy! You've gotta go. And while I'm cheering inside for badass Jeremy, there is still the fact that there is a very close to death Alaric on the floor, you guys! Get with the saving!
George: You know, I think Jeremy might be well on his way to securing his seat in the Handsome Club, not just the Junior League, Paranormal Division.
Damon is trying to get Stefan to emote by asking Stefan why he saved him, but Stefan's not going for it. But then Damon makes a NEW DEAL with Stefan, promising to help him defeat Klaus, even if it means leaving Elena out of things, so Stefan shows him his secret: the four coffins ARE inside the house! But the hundred dead witches Drink! (and Bonnie) have put of spell of invisibility on them! (Oh shit +12)
At the hospital, Alaric is suddenly alright again? I'm so confused! And worried. Alaric wants to go home, and is awesome Drink! and the super-hot lady medical student who is posing as a doctor tells him he should really stay. With her. Alas, Alaric must go. All he can do for her is have sex with her with his eyes for a moment. It'll have to suffice.
Elena invites Klaus to the Salvatore's, and makes a NEW DEAL with him to give him Rebekah in exchange for him sparing Jeremy. When Klaus tells her he'll just go after everyone else she loves until she helps him gets his family back from Stefan, she reminds him that she has no power over Stefan anymore. And whose fault is that, Klaus?
Klaus: "Oh wait... so it's my fault now is it? Damn."
It turns out that Damon gave Alaric some of his blood to save him -- WHEW! -- and via Jeremy is awesome Drink!. Alaric asks Jeremy if he's okay, and it turns out... I think Jeremy's going to be just fine.
Elena is cleaning up hybrid blood Drink! off the porch, and tells Damon about the NEW DEAL she made with Klaus. Elena is really upset about Jeremy having to live with this, and Damon tries to comfort her -- and they are getting closer and closer to kissing, and I know it's not time yet, but I want it!
Klaus wanders around his construction site talking to Rebekah, who hasn't woken yet from the Ash dagger, and he's telling her how sorry he is that she can't be with him, and then he RE-DAGGERS her! (Oh shit +13) Does this mean she's killed dead-dead?
George: Aw, a little tear fell up outta his eye.
Elena and Alaric go up to Jeremy's room, and she's gotten Damon to compel him to forget and leave Mystic Falls for a better life in Denver! Er, have any of you guys ever been to Denver? 'Cause, um... Also, no! NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!!! (Oh shit +14) I don't want Jeremy to go! Who will lead the Handsome Club, Junior League, Paranormal Division? Not only did Jeremy dispatch a hybrid in a most excellent manner, but his logic was also making a lot of sense! We need Jeremy around, CW!
Don't go, Jeremy. Don't go.
Bonnie and Stefan hang out by one of the coffins in the Requisite LJ Smith House Of Disrepair Set Far Away In The Woods and Bonnie wants to open one! Stefan says it won't open, but Bonnie thinks that whatever's in it is the answer to all their problems! Didn't we already go through this with Sebastian Roche, aka Mikael, vampire, vampire hunter? And look how that turned out.
Elena is feeling guilty about compelling Jeremy, but Damon tells her that being lied to is better than being dead. Elena thanks him, and the intense eye contact is ensuing... and Damon pulls back! Arrrgh! He tells her that Stefan betrayed them to save him, and because of that he'll always feel guilty for wanting her. Elena seems hesitant and confused, and he says he knows, he gets it, and he starts to leave, but then he stops. And he TURNS BACK AROUND and says that if he's going to feel guilty, he's going to have something to feel guilty about, and he grabs her and HOLY HALLELUJAH, WE HAVE A KISS, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!!!!!! Drink! (OH SHIT!!!!!!!!! +15) Aw, and what a sweet and tender kiss it was. YES!!!!
George: And THAT's motherfuckin' Damon Salvatore!
Well, the mysterious scene of Jeremy and the oncoming car has been solved. But what the what? Is Jeremy leaving the show? He CAN'T leave the show! WAH! AND we FINALLY got an Elena/Damon kiss. Are we satisfied? What's going on with Stefan? Is he still secretly good? I just can't tell! The ohsitometer got up to 15 on this, the return from its mid-season break, and I don't know about you guys, but I'm exhausted. Let's all go think happy, happy thoughts reliving that kiss.