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The Secret Circle 1x14: Valentine

A recap of The Secret Circle 1x14: Valentine.

The Secret Circle 1x14: Valentine

Previous episode: "Medallion"

Guys, I am so excited right now. Like, Jesse Spano levels of excited. So excited that not even Secret Circle could put bring me down (though I bet it will try its darnedest.) I'm excited because I'm going to New Orleans tomorrow and get to see of the (other) FYA ladies. But before I can be in New Orleans, I have to do things like pack and write a recap of Secret Circle. It's like I'm about to embark on some hero's journey and will eventually reach my just reward. But enough about me, let's talk about you. And by you, I mean Cassie. Because everyone loves talking about Cassie. To the recap!

We find ourselves zooming in on some sexy, naked legs. They're Faye's sexy, naked legs to be exact! She and Jake are all naked-like, in a bed. Good for them, I guess? It's about time someone on this show had sex with anyone not Adam. Jake and Faye proceed to rag on each other for a few minutes and the whole thing is just really depressing. Jake says she's desperate, she says he is, basically they're both assholes. But they're the most attractive assholes on the show, so that's something. They continue to both try and prove who likes each other less and...then they make out again. Unsolicited Advice: people (fictional or real), stop having sex with people who say they don't like you!! I promise you will thank me later.

Cassie is at school (which I was beginning to believe none of these witches no longer attended) and talking to Diana about the medallion. Cassie says she could feel a connection to her dad through it. Then they start smack talking Valentine's Day...because, well, it's Valentine's Day. Cut over to Melissa and Faye who are also bitching about Valentine's Day. Ladies, I think you are overcompensating with the anti-V-Day talk! That said, I would rip on them for that...except that's exactly how I was in high school too. I often expressed sentiments similar to uhhh, Valentine's Day is just a made up holiday to make companies money and make single people feel bad about themselves. Which isn't to say I don't like Valentine's Day now, I just don't care either way. At the very least, I'm always guaranteed a card from my dad and my grandma, so it's slightly better than a regular day?

Faye is discussing her "enemies with benefits" situation with Melissa. Somehow she thinks she has "won." No girl, he got to get all up into your girly parts AND treated you like shit in the process. Pretty sure that's the opposite of winning for you. Melissa invites Cassie and Diana to the "screw Valentine's Day party."

Side Note: does Cassie look weird to anyone else in the episode? I don't know if it's her eye makeup or hair or what but she looks totally different. And it's distracting me. So Cassie runs into Adam and he tries to get her to hang out. She points out that it's Valentine's Day today and he says "Is it - that's so random." HA! Nice try Adam...you tried to trick her into an accidental Valentine's Date! I'm on to you! Cassie gets into her car and we see some creepy hooded dude lurking and staring at her in broad daylight.

Lee, also known as Voodoo Cat Hat Brian (VCHB) stops by Faye's house. Apparently he was calling her but she was ignoring him. He brings her some weird voodoo straw doll thing that is supposed to draw out her power. How long has powerless Faye been trying to get back her powers? Really bored of that storyline happening over and over again.

Issac The Witch Hunter shows up at Jake's. Issac tries to pretend it wasn't the witch hunters fault that his parents were murdered...by witch hunters. Yeah...that makes sense. Issac is the type of person I hate most in the world. The one you catch lying and will continue to lie, even when you've told them you know they're lying/have evidence, etc. I think those people truly believe if they lie enough, eventually the power of their minds will rewrite history and makes those lies true. Issac tries to convince Jake to get the medallion. Or else, he says, the witch hunters will be coming after Cassie.

Cassie is at the Requisite LJ Smith House of Disrepair Set Far Away in the Woods (aka Casa de John Blackwell) and sees the hooded figure from earlier. She runs upstairs and of COURSE Adam just happens to be there. Adam should really go into the freelance stalker consulting business. He's got a real talent for it. They go and look for the hooded dude, but maybe he wasn't real? Maybe it has something to do with the medallion? Cassie keeps talking about her dad and Adam (rightfully) points out that John Blackwell hasn't tried to see Cassie in her 16 years. And therefore maybe sucks? Adam tells her to talk to Jake about the hooded figure and managed to not be a total dick about it. Is the show finally trying to make Adam NOT a dick?

Anti-Valentine's Day party at Faye's! Diana ends up making Faye break her voodoo stick doll thingy. Melissa (very easily) convinces Diana to take some supernatural crack. Cassie talks to Jake. He recognizes the symbol from the ghost-witch from a dead coven called the Nadarin(?). Back at Faye's. Melissa and Diana are acting like they have the munchies. I don't think that's how supernatural crack would make you act. They proceed to do a spell to try and make the pizza guy turn hot. See, THIS IS WHAT THEIR MAGIC SHOULD BE USED FOR. Except they almost NEVER actually use magic on this show. The doorbell rings and it isn't pizza guy, it's VCHB, but high Diana just proceeds to make out with him.

ZOMG PILLOW FIGHT.

Back at Cassie's. Her medallion moved around on its own. And now TWO ghost-witches are watching her. VCHB warns Faye about the supernatural crack her friends are on. He will try and fix the weird voodoo stick he gave her. The pizza guy shows up and he is cute, so Diana kisses him as well. Why would someone be interested in making out with someone they don't know? I mean, when I was way younger, I supposed I used to understand the appeal. But then I learned about cold sores (not first hand, thank goodness) and there was NO APPEAL left to the idea of making out with strangers. Cassie shows up to the party and acts like a total buzzkill.

Jake is talking to Issac, who says that John Blackwell killed the Nadarin coven of witches and used the medallion to steal their powers. But if there's one thing Vampire Diaries has taught me, it's that dead witches are never fully dead. Which makes me sad...because WHY ISN'T BONNIE ON THIS SHOW?

Cassie tells the other girls that she saw a ghost. And...they bust out the Ouija board. It's not doing anything, so they put the medallion on the board. The Ouija medallion starts moving. It spells out the word SACRED. No one knows what this means. And I sure don't.

"Seriously guys, who keeps moving this?"

Jake shows up at the party. He's trying to find Cassie. But Cassie has already left and is driving down a mysteriously deserted country road. I can't imagine that either Adam or Faye live this far out in the middle of nowhere. The witch ghosts make the medallion choke Cassie. Due to the choking, her car starts going out of control. And...it totally rolls over and crashes. This is the best thing that has happened to Cassie yet.

Jake shows up at Adam's who has set up flowers and candles for Cassie and I am embarrassed. Jake is worried because she should have made it to Adam's by now. That and he knows the most about the vengeful witch-ghosts. Cassie literally walks away from the car accident. Bull-fucking-shit. The car rolled. Even if she was able to get herself out by now, she would be on the ground, probably vomiting.

Adam calls Diana to ask about Cassie and she gives him shit for doing so. Which he deserves. Because you're not allowed to call your EX to ask about the new girl you're trying to date. Faye and Diana get into a bit of a fight and then proceed to find Melissa convulsing from a supernatural crack overdose in the other room. Wonderful.

The supernatural crack equivalent of a drunk dial.

Adam and Jake find Cassie's crashed car. They think the witches are trying to lead her to the church where they were killed. And somehow...it's snowing? Is it winter in this show? Television shows are always mysteriously devoid of seasons. Anyway, apparently you don't want to go where witches died, because it's where they have the most power. Also, why didn't Cassie CALL anyone? I'm sure her phone was still working. Cassie is dumb.

Melissa is throwing up in the toilet. I'm not quite sure what the point of this drug-related B-story is. Drugs are bad, mmmkay? Cassie is in the church. The hooded ghost-witches surround her. Adam and Jake show up. Jake actually tries to wield a very tiny knife at them. HA, a knife...at ghosts! Most ghosts aren't corporal ADAM, don't you watch any movies? The witch-ghosts disappear and possess Adam. Jake explains to Cassie that the medallion has the power of thousands of dead witches. The witches threaten to kill Adam unless Cassie gives them the super duper room-shaking powerful medallion. And just like that...Cassie hands the medallion over. Except...not really? She...breaks the medallion with her hand?

Jake brings the broken pieces back to Issac. Issac is pissed that it's broken. So it wasn't really about getting Cassie not to have power...it was about getting the power for himself. Faye is staring at her creepy voodoo twig doll. Oh my gosh, Diana brought a FULL SIZED suit case to the sleepover party. Absurd. Diana and Faye share a moment over their love for Melissa, Secret Circle's most boring witch (which is quite a feat to achieve).

"Now that you've fixed my stick, I had some plumbing you could take a look at."

VCHB has another voodoo stick thing. And he is using it to help someone who is sick? His supernatural crack ho ex-girlfriend maybe? Seems like he's using the voodoo thing to siphon Faye's power. Ruh roh. Faye, your taste is men is bad, even by teenage standards.

Cassie goes back to Adam's boat. And sees the ridiculousness he set up for her. There is a Valentine's banner, there is dinner, champagne and even a heart card. Adam...you are NOT DATING this girl. I would be HORRIFIED if a dude I wasn't dating did that for me. Cassie has finally realized that her dad is probably evil. Took you long enough. Adam proceeds to very hungrily kiss Cassie and I think this show is giving me a stomach ache.

The show ends with a mysterious man looking out on a pier. He has the symbol of the medallion burned into his palm. ME THINKS ITS JOHN BLACKWELL?? And...then I KNOW it's John Blackwell, because the trailer for next week confirms it. Show! Don't end on a cliffhanger, if you're going to answer the cliffhanger in the trailer that immediately follows! So what did you all think? Are you excited to finally meet the infamous John Blackwell next week?

Megan Crane's photo About the Author: Megan is an unabashed fangirl who is often in a state of panic about her inability to watch, read and play all the things.