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The Vampire Diaries 3x14: Dangerous Liaisons

A recap of The Vampire Diaries, with drinking game and ohshitometer.

The Vampire Diaries 3x14: Dangerous Liaisons

Good morning, TVD fans, and Megan no h, who is now finally caught up with us! Last week's episode of The Vampire Diaries proved to be shirtlessorific and filled with sugar plums! And YHH! And other happy making and exciting things!

It stands to reason that the only thing that could make this episode exceed the perfection of the last one is: AN ORIGINAL MAKEOVER MONTAGE!!!! Would they give that to us? Is it too much to hope for? YHH magically jumped out of his coffin with a fantastic new haircut -- or maybe he stopped at a salon on the way to punch out that hybrid's heart? Either way, I can't wait to see what they do with the others!

Elena and Matt are at the hospital, and Matt asks if Alaric is going to be okay.
George: Haha! He calls him Mr. Saltzman! It's Mr. President, Matt!
They talk about Bonnie and Caroline as SOMEONE watches them from a dark room. (Oh shit! +1) They leave, but Elena backs into something! (Oh shit +2) And that something is Rebekah! (Oh shit +3) Rebekah is sore about the whole Elena daggering her thing. But YHH comes in and saves the day! And is awesome. Drink! Whew!

Elena tells the Salvatore brothers that Momma Original is still alive, and that she believes the whole thing where Momma knows best and just wants to live like a big, happy family again. Then they get an invite to a ball! In Mystic Falls! Thrown by the Originals! (Oh shit +4)
George: Ball in Mystic Falls? Must be Thursday...
Who are calling themselves the Mikaelsons! (Ha! Now THAT'S what I call Original). NOTHING will go wrong, here. At a ball. In Mystic Falls.

At the Mikaelsons, it's makeover time! Drink!
George: Oh, it turns out we're all rich and handsome, and people bathe in this century...Yay us!
Klaus is PO'd that Rebekah went after Elena, but baby brother Kol -- what kind of name is that? An actual Viking name, perhaps? Or perhaps Dothraki? (who I think... YES! He IS just about handsome enough to stay on this show for a while! ) is tired of Klaus's "don't make me come back there and dagger you" threats, and is ready to pick a fight. Momma Mikaelson explains to Klaus that he just needs to try a little understanding with his siblings, and BTW, who is he bringing to the ball? (Duh, Caroline!)

Damon and Stefan argue over whether Elena should go to the ball -- Stefan is for, Damon against, on account of the whole 'keeping her safe' thing.

Caroline gets a message from Tyler about how he's on an Oz-type mission to find himself and control the inner beast so he can come back to her, but then she gets an invitation to the ball with a note from Klaus, asking her to save him a dance! And giving her a dress! (Oh shit +5)

At the Bronze, Elena tries to convince Caroline to come to the ball with her, and then they have some girl talk about the Salvatore brothers. Rebekah shows up, and warns Caroline that Elena is the type of friend who'll stab you in the back,
George: Literally
and then proceeds to ask Matt to be her date to the ball. (Oh shit +6) This has its desired effect, causing Caroline to agree to go.

At the ball, Damon schmoozes with the dead mayor's wife, and is awesome Drink! Kol Drogo shows up and is oh-so-cold to Damon.
George: Damon, who? Oh, Snap!
But then Damon's distracted because Elena comes in! In a super-fancy ball dress! Whoah! (Damon seconds this sentiment.) And where'd she get that cleavage? Then, surprise! Stefan's there, too! (Oh shit +7) Both Salvatores offer Elena an elbow, and boys, there's enough of her to go around (literally, between her, Katherine, and Tatia there's more than enough for both of them.)

It's sandwich time!  And look!  In the corner!  Could it be?  A person with brown skin who ISN'T a witch?  That makes, like, two!!!

Caroline is searching through her closet to find something to wear before succumbing to the siren call of the dress Klaus sent her. She arrives at the ball, making that dress look far better than I thought possible, and Klaus has the same reaction to her that Damon had to Elena! But she brushes him off for a drink. I love a girl with priorities.

I say, you've got the look of someone who's been Vampire Barbied!

Elena meets Finn Mikaelson, who I think I liked better with pirate hair. He tells her that if she wants to meet Momma Mikaelson, she has to do it alone. (Oh shit +8)

Just then, YHH makes an announcement! Up on the grand staircase, he is joined by Momma Mikaelson, who seems to be doing some witchy voodoo thing (Oh shit +9) and announces... a waltz! Damon takes Elena in the promenade, as they argue both her being here, and going alone to meet Momma Mikaelson. We can also see that Rebekah is dancing with Matt, and Klaus starts the waltz with Caroline!!! He is incredibly charming Drink! but Caroline proves a much stronger woman than I, because she resists it! Klaus is awesome Drink! as he notices her dancing, and the fact that she's also wearing the bracelet he gave her.

Elena gets spun into Stefan's arms! (Oh shit +10) and tells him they need to chat. Privately. Meanwhile, Matt and Caroline are now partners, (And while there's a possibility the waltz they are dancing is an actual waltz, it looks more like a bastardized version of The Virginia Waltz, which I had hoped they would be dancing.) and they have a heart to heart about why they're both here with members of the Mikaelson family. Damon is now dancing with Rebekah, and they spar verbally and awesomely. Drink!

Elena asks Stefan to help her get alone with Momma Mikaelson, since he doesn't care about her safety anymore, right? Right? (We know otherwise, but to keep up his charade...) Stefan agrees. Elena thanks him for trusting her to make her own decisions, even though so many of them have been so, so terrible.

Kol Drogo is hanging out with Rebekah, and she tells him she's planning to kill Matt to hurt Elena! (Oh shit +11) Like pesky teenagers disobeying mother's rules, he agrees to help her. (Oh shit +12)

Damon got a text from Elena, to come into the study, but Stefan breaks his neck! (Oh shit +13) Elena rushes to find Momma Mikaelson. YHH joins her in the hallway, and he's wondering what Mommy Dearest is up to! Drink! (Oh shit +14)

In her private rooms, Finn is lighting some incense for his mom when Elena enters. She tells Elena that a witch friend of hers preserved her body so she could come back. And she needs Elena's help!

You can take the girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl...

Caroline is hanging out with a horse outside, when Klaus joins her. She asks him why he invited her there, and Klaus doesn't pull any punches. He fancies you, Caroline! Drink! LOVE it! WHY do I love it? She tries to tell him she's into Tyler, but then isn't so convincing, because she stays and talks to him. Klaus tells her about the time his dad killed his favorite horse, and I think the writers just got off of watching a Game of Thrones marathon before they wrote this episode.

Momma Mikaelson (who looks like... she's got a plastic mask on, somehow? Is that just me?) tells Elena that it will take time, magic and her assistance to kill Klaus. See she wants to spike the champagne with Elena's blood to perform a ritual to link all of her children together so if she kills one, she kills them all! (OH SHIT +15)

Damon wakes up and is PO'd at Stefan for breaking his neck and letting Elena go meet with Momma Mikaelson.

Rebekah has taken Matt for a walk outside (OH SHIT!!!!!!! +16) and NOOOOO, Matty! Why did you go outside with her?!!! Matt gives her his coat, even though she can't feel the cold, due to the fact that she's a vampire, and that one chivalrous act maybe changes her mind?

YHH asks Elena what his mother wanted, and she lies to him! (Oh shit +17) I trust YHH way more than I trust Momma Mikaelson, and I don't think it has to do with his seat at the Handsome Club table? I don't know, Maybe it does.

Momma Mikaelson hosts a toast and everyone cheers, and drinks, and we wait to see if absolutely every member of the original family will drink... and... wait for it... yes, they do.

Klaus leads Caroline into his stolen paintings room, and is LAYING. ON. THE. CHARM. Also? Turns out Klaus is an artist, as Caroline picks up a drawing and asks if it's his.
George: Ha! He's all demure, with his, "oh, it's just some scribblings.. I'm not very good... I suck. I totally suck..."
Then he offers to take Caroline anywhere she wants to go, and honestly, it sounds like an excellent plan to me, but Caroline brings it back around to Tyler and the hybrids. Drink! Caroline totally Dr. Oz's him about his daddy issues, and gives back the diamond bracelet.

Kol Drogo asks Rebekah where Matt is, and she tells him she changed her mind, and he pretty much is a meany, making fun of her lack of self-confidence.

Damon asks Elena if she got what she wanted and she tells him she did. She's sorry she had to have his neck broken, but he was being controlling... AND THEN he tells her he LOVES her!!! (Oh shit +18) And then he's awesome. Drink!

Matt is wandering around alone, and hears Kol Drogo whisper his name! (Oh shit +19) Then he comes out of the shadows, and breaks Matt's hand in a handshake! (Oh shit +20) Damon shows up and saves Matt just in time, by shoving Kol Drogo off a balcony! And breaking his neck! (Oh shit +21). Everybody rushes out to see, and Damon is awesome. Drink!

That's RIGHT!  Hands off Matt, Kol Drogo!

Back home, Caroline leaves a message for Tyler, telling him that she misses him, but then she sees another gift from Klaus on her bed. She opens it, and OH MY GOD, people, Klaus is trying to make her inner 8-year old squee!!! It's a drawing of Caroline, and the horse she was looking at!!! Drink!
George: It's just a scribble... totally sucks...
I don't know whether to be touched or laugh hysterically. No, that's a lie. I'm laughing hysterically. But the note thanks her for her honesty, and I have to say, I'D TOTALLY PICK KLAUS!!! Horse drawing and all. Or YHH. I don't know. I'm overwhelmed.

Momma Mikaelson is taking her anger at her younger children out on YHH, her oldest, and even tells him the dreaded "I wish the others were more like you." (Oh shit +22) Finn comes in, and it turns out, he's IN on the whole spell thing! He's willing to die to bring back the balance of nature that was put out when Momma Mikaelson made the originals! She hesitates, because YHH is so good, but Finn convinces her that it must be done, so they prick themselves and drip blood onto the family tree. Then the blood runs over everybody's names, in the shape of a tree, as memory brings us back the faces of the Originals sipping their spiked champagne! (Oh shit +23)

Stefan takes Elena home and she tells him how she feels guilty about signing the death sentences of the rest of the Mikaelsons. They have a moment over talking about Damon, but then Stefan makes to leave. But Elena asks him if he really doesn't feel anything? Because she doesn't believe it! He tells her that he can't let himself care, or all he'll feel is pain. Wah wah.

"I'm all out of love, I'm so lost without you..."

At the Bronze, Rebekah approaches Matt, but he's kind of in a bad mood, on account of getting his hand crushed and THEN finding out he doesn't have health insurance (I feel you, Matt.) So he asks her to really, really leave him alone. Awesome, Matt! Drink! Damon shows up to tease her, and pours them shots! They are totally going to do it. And then they totally go home and start to do it! And we have a shirtless Salvatore! Drink! With his hand in the knickers of a lady vampire! (Oh shit +24)

Well, I think we broke the ohshitometer today with 24. Holy hell!

This episode also gave us this!

Although next week's preview doesn't leave much to the imagination, since the Mikaelson kids kidnap Elena and demand that the curse be broken or they'll kill her. What say you, fellow watchers? Is Momma Mikaelson really in it out of the goodness of her heart? Will Caroline choose Klaus over Tyler? What's Damon going to do NOW?

Jenny Bird's photo About the Author: Jenny grew up on a steady diet of Piers Anthony, Isaac Asimov and Star Wars novels. She has now expanded her tastes to include television, movies, and YA fiction.
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