Good morning and Happy Presidents' Day! I hope your place of employment RESPECTS the myth, the man, the legend that is George Washington and gave you the day off. If so, I hope you honor his legend by sleeping in late or by refusing to save British children. If not, I hope you accept this latest installment in our read-along of Sense and Sensibility as a consolation prize.
When we last left off, Willoughby was still MIA, Edward had just left after his short visit and the Dashwood women were vaguely annoyed that the Middletons (who provide them with cheap shelter and entertainment) want to like, spend time with the Dashwoods. The nerve of some people! And this week...a shocking reveal, given to us by a man who has made a career out of shocking reveals.
Sense and Sensibility, Chapters 21-25: A Maury Retelling
MAURY: (voiceover) Today our guests are women who love men who love other women. All of the women on our show today have been involved with men who are living a double life. First up, a young women whose lover has been keeping a devastating secret from her.
(cut to Maury on a chair, next to Elinore and Marianne Dashwood)
MAURY: This is Elinore. Elinore, do you know we've brought you here today?
ELINORE: Honestly, no. I have no idea who you are or where we are or how we got here.
MAURY: Well, Elinore. I happen to have an good account that you are in a relationship with one Edward Ferrars. Is that true?
(cut to a video of Edward Ferrars behind scenes in the Maury studio)
ELINORE: No, no, certainly not. We're just friends.
MARIANNE: That's not true! It's obvious she loves him. And he loves her. Even if neither of them will admit it. And while he's no Mr. Willoughby, I suppose he suits Elinore just fine.
MAURY: Well, Elinore. It might surprise you then to find out that Edward has been keeping a shocking secret.
MAURY: Well, everyone, let's bring out the Steele Sisters!
(Audience gives their applause, out walks Miss Steele and Lucy)
MAURY: Welcome Miss Steele, Lucy, thank you ladies for joining us. Take a seat. Now, Lucy. Are you acquainted with a man named Edward Ferrars?
LUCY: Well, I should certainly hope so!
MAURY: And why is that?
LUCY: Because we're engaged!
(AUDIENCE: WHAAAAAT? OOOOOOOH SNAAAAP!)
MAURY: Elinore, did you know that Edward was engaged?
MARIANNE: She most certainly did not! No wonder he was is so reserved. This certainly explains a lot.
LUCY: Excuse me, Maury. But why would she? What do the Dashwood's have to do with my Edward? I know they were acquainted during their time at Norland.
MAURY: Well, it seems that Elinore was under the impression that she and Edward had some sort of relationship -
ELINORE: No, no! It's not like that at all, we're just friends. Honestly.
LUCY: Well, I should certainly hope so. Because I can be quite the jealous bitch (giggles) and you would not want to see me when I'm angry. Besides, he wears a ring with a locket of my hair. Basically, I've got that shit locked down.
ELINORE: Look, as much as I'd love to continue this conversation, Mrs. Jennings asked us to stay with her in London and we really ought to be going, don't we Marianne?
MAURY: Well, thank you ladies for joining us. Be sure to tune in next week when we bring back the lovely Dashwood sisters for our paternity special.
Next installment: Chapters 26-30