Welcome back to Ringer! Last week...some stuff happened! Nothing interesting, because the entire episode was built around confirming shit we had figured out forever ago. But stuff kind of happened in this episode! So let's check in and see what our favorite identity-swapping identical twins (and the people who love them) are up to this week!
Cliffhangers: 7, at least
I swear, there was a cliffhanger every two minutes in this episode. I counted as least 7, but there could have been ever more.
2 Martin-Charles related flashbacks and one Andrew/Siobhan wedding flashback.
Bridget-as-Siobhan was wearing this orange coat this episode that was kind of ugly but I also kind of loved? It made her look like a sparkly magical pumpkin.
Moments when you wish you were as rich as Andrew (Rich Envy): 2
I guess Andrew finally listened to me, because he really pulled out the punches this ep. An absurdly fancy stay-at-home movie night AND an entire bridal team making a house call at the penthouse. Absurd I say.
Moments you miss Buffy (Buffy RIP): None? I guess maybe I'm finally accepting that Buffy is gone and SMG is someone else.
Number of times people have to remind Bridget/Siobhan that something happened and explain it in extreme detail without being suspicious at all that Bridget/Siobhan doesn't remember: 1
There was the whole scene between Bridget-as-Siobhan and Henry, but it doesn't really count since Henry was basic trolling her.
What the hell happened:
We're back in good ol' Paris! The Real Siobhan (TRS) is with her very French sounding OBGYN. Turns out...she's having twins!
Bridget-as-Siobhan (BS) and Andrew come home. A campy horror movie is on the TV. Turns out that Andrew planned a secret stay-at-home movie night as a surprise. And I am getting some major rich envy, because he has a popcorn machine AND smoothies on ice. Andrew is apparently recreating a date Siobhan had told him about from when she was in middle school. Which is both really sweet but also kind of weird? Like, why would you want to recreate another guy's date? I mean, sure, the guy was probably 12, so it's not like there would be any competition there, but still? And Andrew asks BS to marry him (again).
Back to the French OBGYN. His estimate for how old the baby is doesn't match hers. Looks like...Andrew may be the father, not Henry the Horrible. Ruh roh! Or, if we're REALLY lucky...they will be fraternal twins and Andrew and Henry would EACH be the father of one. That would be amaaaazing. Except it really doesn't matter who the father is, because TRS has no issue lying about everything, to anyone, all the time.
Andrew and BS tell Juliet about the second wedding. They want her to be Maid of Honor. Mr. C calls Juliet. Apparently the police are asking him questions about Tessa's beating (since she did accuse him of rape, after all). He threatens Juliet to keep quite. Gosh, who would have EVER thought this FAKE RAPE SCAM would end up getting so out of hand?
Malcolm is at Henry the Horrible's house. He finds paperwork where Henry had paid to get Siobhan's secret office cleared out. He is talking to BS on the phone but she hangs up on him because she's in the middle of a dress fitting. The woman at the fancy dress shop tries to convince BS she should look the same as she did in her wedding 6 years ago. BS has a little freak out and says she is no longer the women Andrew married six years ago. No shit. But also...if a person was having a second wedding...why on EARTH would they want to be styled the same way as last time? It's a second wedding, time to do things completely different. That stylist was dumb.
At Andrew's office. Malcolm tries to find something on Olivia's computer. I really like Malcolm but I am very uninterested in this Martin-Charles shady business plot line. BS stops by Henry the Horrible's house to ask him why he cleared out her office. Even though he knows she's Bridget, he acts like a bitter asshole about her dumping him. Probably because Henry lives for being an asshole.
"I know, let's create a Ponzi scheme! Because it worked out so well for Bernie."
Catherine and Juliet are together at a fancy lunch. Juliet doesn't want to leave town yet, since she's going to be part of Andrew and Siobhan's re-wedding. When Juliet brings up the harassing phone call she got, Catherine says she'll take care of things with Mr. C. Catherine shows up his apartment...and makes out with him! Oh, Catherine, you crazy lady you! You're working every angle. In this case, Mr. C's D.
Whoever thought a fake rape scam would get so COMPLICATED?
Malcolm confronts BS about her re-marriage to Andrew. She thinks he cares about how she's is about to enter a marriage based on LIES. (The biggest lie obviously being that she ISN'T REALLY THE PERSON HE'S MARRIED TO.) But he says it's because Andrew is a crook! But as it turns out...Malcolm doesn't really have that much evidence. Just a bunch of hunches from other people acting suspicious. BS doesn't believe him and acts like a dick to Malcolm. Dude got kidnapped by mobsters for you, girl! BS better learn to be more grateful!
TRS and Henry are talking on the phone. She lets him know about the twins! Are we sure Henry's not the father? Because he's already had twins once. Maybe he has magical twin-making sperm?
Mr. C and Catherine are hooking up and this really not doing anything for me. How could Logan Echolls go from hooking up with Veronica to hooking up with CATHERINE. Blech. Also, it sounds like it wasn't Mr. C who hurt Tessa after all. I'm assuming Catherine hired someone, because she is one crazy B.
BS asks Andrew about Gemma's father investing with them. He says it was Olivia's doing and he doesn't know how she does what she does. Well...it's quite obvious from that statement that if Martin-Charles is doing something illegal, Olivia is behind it. Andrew is...just not smart, apparently.
Malcolm is back in the office. He is trying to get on Olivia's computer again. He bribed Andrew's secretary with the offer of dinner and a movie. Which is sort of pitiful for that lady. He's not on the computer for long before Olivia comes in with security. Uh oh, how is Malcolm getting out of this mess?
Malcolm is back at BS's place. He got fired, but he was able to steal something from Olivia's computer. He shows BS the evidence - it looks like Martin-Charles has phony data. Whatever that means. BS apologizes to Malcolm for having been a B earlier. And it looks like Andrew is innocent...it's just Olivia who is a crook.
Henry texts TRS to let her know that BS and Andrew are renewing their vows. TRS seems less than pleased. We are treated to a flashback of the two of them after they get married. Flashback Siobhan says she doesn't want to have kids with him. Is this the part where I'm supposed to feel sorry for TRS because her kid died? Because she could have a million kids die, she is still the least sympathetic character, ever.
TRS calls Henry. She wants Henry to bring BS a box of Martin-Charles shady business evidence. BS goes to Martin-Charles and steals something from Olivia's computer. Her schedule, apparently.
The magical sparkly pumpkin jacket.
Juliet is at home with Andrew and proceeds to ask him if is she's a bad person. Hahahaha...ha. That's too funny. He's like "of course not! You're the victim, you didn't make this happen." Oh Andrew, you big dumb thing you. So trusting! Juliet texts Catherine a message that she's going to tell Andrew about the scam. Wah wah.
Mr. C and Catherine want to get out of the country before Andrew (and his lawyers) find out about the scam. Back at Andrew's penthouse, about a million wedding consultants arrive (seriously rich envy here) with their wares. Andrew and BS have a stupid little fight about their re-wedding.
Malcolm has been following Olivia around. She had a fake spa appointment, but really went into some shady little building. Siobhan tells Andrew she wants to slow down with the wedding process. Weddings are fun, but wedding planning is the worst. I can't imagine anyone wanting to do that twice (...for the same person!) Here's a thought...instead of a second wedding, how about you just take a second Honeymoon? Problem solved! I should be a marriage counselor.
Henry the Horrible brings BS the box of Martin-Charles stuff. Catherine and Mr. C are on the road! They check into a motel and he takes a shower. When he comes out, Catherine has taken his money and threatens him (via note) with a secret video tape she took of him, Tessa and Juliet celebrating their scam in the hotel. She also calls him an idiot, because it's a REALLY good idea to mock the people you scam. Because NO way will they ever take revenge on you now.
Just thought you could use this box...of SECRETS!
The building Olivia was at is tiny and crappy accounting place. Malcolm is convinced Martin-Charles in running a Ponzi scheme. Ponzi schemes...are all the rage!
Juliet has decided not to tell Andrew about the rape scam after all. Catherine has Mr. C's share of the money and probably Tessa's as well. Olivia keeps getting texts from someone called "Xerxes." Xerxes said the "mole" is in Paris. I guess they are talking about that guy whose name I forgot. Tyler? The one who thinks he's TRS's baby's daddy? Who is the one person on this show who manages to be a bigger sucker than Andrew.
Catherine gives some money to a anonymous thug in a car. She did pay someone to mess up Tessa. BS confronts Andrew with the news that Olivia is running a Ponzi scheme. Andrew says...the Ponzi scheme was HIS idea. WAIT, WHAAAT?
So guys, what did you think? A lot actually happened in this episode, for once. And WTF IS ANDREW THINKING? Seriously, how on earth does he think he'll get away with this in the long run?? And do we think Catherine is going to stop with the crazy now that she has everyone's money (I certainly hope not!) Sound off in the comments!