What up, FYA! Why why why must it be Monday? Why must it be the Monday after Spring Break? Why must it be Monday morning at all? Can't we just skip to Thursday already? Thursday is the day of The Hunger Games movie premiere! Thursday is a day where we will be drinking and making fun of Peeta's face! Thursday Now!
But, until Thursday, it remains Monday. Which means that it's Sense and Sensibility time! Let's see what the director and screenwriter of the Sense and Sensibility movie adaptation have to say about Marianne's extended pout.
FROM THE DESK OF ANG LEE
My dear Emma,
I'm writing of my concerns with the climactic scenes in your adaptation screenplay of Sense and Sensibility. As you know from that night that we all got drunk on tequila shots and I decked that all ex-husband of yours*. I've never actually read this emotional tripe. But are you sure that Marianne really wanders around the countryside in the rain like a common idiot? It doesn't seem like the kind of thing a person owning more than two brain cells to rub together would do.
As ever, my Emma, I bow to your superior intellect in this subject, but couldn't we just solve this entire Marianne problem with a well-timed tea party and maybe a few shots of trains?
Love,
Ang
FROM THE DESK OF EMMA THOMPSON
Ang,
Thank you for reminding me of that evening when you so delightfully socked that asshole Kenneth's smug little mouth**. I never said how much I appreciated your gallantry (unneeded, of course; I had already set fire to all his Shakespearean memorabilia after I found out about him and Helena***) - it was really quite lovely of you.
As for Marianne, yes; it's definitely necessary that she wander around in the rain. Endlessly. Sweeping, sweeping vistas; lots of awful crying. You must remember that this is the pinnacle of Marianne's wretchedness; the height of her stupid selfish senselessness. Plus, she has to come down with a very convincing cold, so she can't be wandering around in the sunshine.
-Emma xx
FROM THE DESK OF ANG LEE
Em-
Well, okay, fine; tons of dramatic rain and misty-looking sheep. You've convinced me. But how about that scene you've got written in there - you know, while Marianne is busy coughing and snivelling (in a romantic, clean-looking way, of course) in the Palmers' house? You've got Willoughby coming to the house and confessing all to your Elinor - how he never knew love till he met Marianne, and that he threw it all away for the money of Ms Grey? Don't you feel it's a bit on the nose? And is it really fair to give Willoughby an emotional out like this? Shouldn't he be the bad guy? After all, he totally impregnated Col Brandon's ward. Aren't we supposed to hate him?
-A
FROM THE DESK OF EMMA THOMPSON
Ang,
Have you seen how hot the guy we've got playing Willoughby is? Have you seen him in his costume? Hell no; we're making him look as good as possible while sticking to the source material. Plus, uh, I'd like to keep that scene with his character and mine. He's got a certain something . . .
-E xx
FROM THE DESK OF ANG LEE
Em,
You're totally going to bag him, aren't you?
-A
FROM THE DESK OF EMMA THOMPSON:
A-
No comment.
Kisses,
Em
*that never actually happened, sadly
** yeah, still never happened. EVEN THOUGH HE OBVS DESERVED IT.
*** how awesome would it have been for all of us if this actually had happened?
Next installment: Chapters 46-50
About the Author: Erin is loud, foul-mouthed, an unrepentant lover of trashy movies and believes that champagne should be an every day drink. When she isn't drowning in a sea of engineers for whom Dilbert is still uproariously funny, she's writing about books, tv, the cult of VC Andrews and more.
