Previously, on The Vampire Diaries: Alaric got killed a LOT, including one time when he stabbed himself -- and Elena had to kill him so he'd come back -- because he's been controlled by the One Ring. But now Bonnie's put a spell on him, so hopefully everything's going to be okay and he won't leave the show for his new show.
Also, Jeremy is in "Colorado", where he's "hanging out with friends", and "has a dog", which is all code for him being controlled by HIS One Ring (which kind of cheapens the One Ring, thing, I realize). OR, he's being held prisoner! Actually, I have no proof of either of these things, but I miss Jeremy, so I like imagining things that could bring him back full time.
Really, Damon has gotten the sign for the Wickery Bridge, which just happens to be made of the old white oak tree that can kill Originals, and he and Stefan are about to go Original a-hunting. Since The Murder Of One Original actually means the death of them all, I kind of hope they don't succeed.
Elena stops by the Salvatore's with some muffins for Alaric (heh heh, I've got your muffins right here...) but Damon tells her that Alaric can't come out to play on account of him being in lockdown. Elena thinks Damon is hiding something, but leaves chocolate muffins for Alaric, anyway. And Damon WAS hiding something! Alaric and Stefan and a mother elfin' table saw! (Oh Shit +1) And they're making stakes! To some awesome music!
George: Handsome Club meeting in the wood shop! And they mean business.
Alaric wants to turn himself in, because of the murders he committed, but Damon tells him not to sweat it, he's in good company. Meanwhile, Stefan is funny, nitpicking about making sure the stakes are sharp enough. He also agrees with Damon -- they need their president if they're going to kill some Originals. Damon is awesome Drink! noting how Stefan's morals slide when he's got revenge on the brain. Then Damon gives Alaric the One Ring to protect him while he's hunting vampires, but Alaric is hesitant to wear it, since it turned him into a homicidal maniac. I, too, am concerned -- don't wear the ring, Frodo! -- but I also don't want Alaric to get killed dead. (Oh Shit! +2)
Caroline has just learned that Alaric was the one who killed her father, but Elena tries to point at that Alaric didn't choose to be a homicidal maniac any more than the rest of them chose to be vampires or werewolves or witches. Matt joins them, wondering why Stefan called a secret meeting in the woods. When Stefan and Damon arrive, Damon is awesome Drink! with his "Long story, wait for the movie." and Stefan plops down a slayer-bag full of white oak stakes! (Oh Shit! +3)
George: Now they all have a stake in this game...
Eeny, meen, miney, moe...
Klaus finds Finn on the street. (Hi Klaus, I've missed you!) Finn doesn't want to help Klaus with his plans to perform a spell that will un-link the Originals, but Rebekah is on Klaus's side, and they throw Finn into a brick wall! (Oh Shit! +4) Which... I don't know what that would really do, since he can't really be hurt.
George: Finn just doesn't want his siblings to find out about his male modeling career.
Back in the woods, Stefan and Damon are leading what feels like a prelude to a training montage. Damon tries to move Elena into a position to portray Klaus, and is awesome Drink! with some pantomime when Elena pushes him away. They want Caroline to be Klaus-bait -- again -- since he's probably been holed up in his apartment all this time drawing more pictures of her and ponies, and Matt is supposed to distract Rebekah.
Back at Klaus's mansion, Finn wants to know what Klaus is going to do to him. Aw, Klaus is just going to reunite him with his one true love -- Sage! See, Klaus is always looking out for his family. (Er.) Then there's some product placement with some sort of handheld device where Klaus answers a text to Kol Drogo using a stylus. During this reunion and advertisement, Rebekah announces that she is going to finish some business with Damon. (Oh Shit +5)
Damon hides his stake amongst some logs in a wood pile, and Alaric is awesome Drink! asking him if he learned nothing from the moonstone Drink! in the soap dish. LOVE IT!!!! Ah, Mr. President, it's so good to have you back. They hear a noise, and Damon goes to investigate, but Alaric is thrown down the stairs behind him! (Oh Shit! +6) And then Rebekah stabs him! (Oh Shit! +7)
Elena can't reach Bonnie on the phone (Oh Shit! +8)) and asks Caroline and Matt if they think that's something to be concerned about. I do, Elena. They don't answer, because Finn and Sage are strolling through the park, reminiscing about days gone by when he would have to sneak away from his family to meet her because she was a filthy strumpet. Elena calls Stefan to tell him they've got an Original in their sights, but when Stefan realizes that Sage is with Finn, he tells Elena not to attack. That's right! Girl can seriously box! Stefan walks around the corner to find Alaric just waking up (I guess it's a good thing he was wearing that ring!) and realizes that Rebekah has Damon! (Oh Shit! +9)
Oh Noes! Rebekah has Damon's wrists in some kind of animal trap! Damon is awesome Drink! telling her she's being kinky, even while she's hurting him. Then she slices his shirt open, and we have a semi-shirtless Salvatore! Drink! But then she starts slicing him open with the knife! (Oh Shit! +10) To bleed him of Vervain so she can compel him to kill Stefan or Elena!
George: Oh man, she's going all Body of Evidence on Damon!
Really, Rebekah, why would you want to go and mar something that pretty by putting holes in it?
Klaus stops by and offers some advice about how he'd bleed out quicker if she hung him upside down , but Rebekah wants to do things her own way, thank you very much. So Klaus goes to see how "his" witch is coming along... and it's Bonnie! Bonnie isn't sure she can even DO the spell! So Klaus calls Kol Drogo, who sends him a live video of Jeremy!!!! Playing with his dog!!!! (Oh Shit! +11)
Caroline stops by to visit Alaric, and makes a joke about how he had a run-in with Buffy the Vampire, Drink! and to bring him some of Bonnie's special-brew herb tea. It's gross, and Alaric is awesome, but then he is so sorry about killing her dad! And he's so handsome and presidential and sad! Caroline realizes she's a pot if Alaric is a kettle, and they exchange some meaningful eye contact and forgiveness. Drink!
George: Also, Caroline's dad was kind of a douchey vampire bigot, so...
Elena meets up with Stefan and he wants to go ahead with trying to kill Finn, but Elena says no-way José, they need to rescue Damon, because not only is it what Damon would do, but it's the RIGHT thing to do. Aaaannnnd Stefan pretty much ignores her and goes on his own to kill Finn. (Oh Shit! +12)
Aaahhhh!!! Damon is a bloody mess! (Oh shit! +13) And he's still semi-shirtless! Drink! (I feel a little bit bad at drinking to his abs while he's being tortured, but I think Damon would want it this way.) And he's hallucinating that Elena is there! Mirage Elena unhooks his wrists from the traps, but he can't walk! So she offers him her wrist! And he drinks! And then they lean in reeeaaaaallllly close and start to kiss.... AND it's just Rebekah, messing with his head. Just when I was starting to think it might be real. You guys, Rebekah is SO mad at Damon! And he kind of has a good point when he asks her if she really thought he actually liked her. I mean, she was using him the whole time, too. Did you ever think of that Rebekah, hmmm? She replies to his question by stabbing him in the side! (Oh Shit! +14)
I couldn't resist putting in another one...
Bonnie hears Damon's scream and is rightfully bothered. She gives Klaus what for, but Klaus first offers to find her mother for her and bring her back, then offers to just bring parts of her mother back. (Oh Shit! +15) It's horrible, but he says it so gleefully and follows it with that cheeky grin of his that makes me kind of just like him more.
Meanwhile, Sage is teaching Finn how to take a tequila shot. Another guy walks by, and before Finn can get too jealous, she tells him that the guy is a vampire -- she brought backup, because she wants to protect Finn so bad. Stefan overhears this while Sage then orders more tequila from Matt. How rude. He's the busboy. Never order drinks from your busboy. They have enough work to do.
Anyway, Bonnie is performing the spell to un-link the originals JUST as Stefan is making to go ahead with his plan to kill Finn! (Oh Shit! +16) So he might kill Finn just as the rest of them are unlinked, and then he would have killed, like, the one Original who didn't want to hurt anybody! And then Sage might do something to Stefan!!! Sage and Finn go to take another shot, but it's Vervain! Stefan smiles at them, heading outside, and they follow him, but just as he goes to stake Finn, Sage knocks him down and the stake clatters down some conveniently located stairs! (Oh Shit +17) Bonnie is STILL talking in spell-speak, and Matt and Elena shoot him with an arrow and stake him! (Oh Shit! +18) But not before the big pool of blood that Bonnie was chanting over separates into several smaller pools! (Oh Shit! +19) Sage cries over Finn as he turns to stone and then catches on fire. Oh man.
Now they're going to have the rest of the Originals AND one angry boxer after them.
Klaus is escorting Bonnie out of the house, and she sees poor tortured Damon hanging in the study, but just as she's tempted to help him, Klaus reminds her that Damon was the one who turned her mom into a vampire, so Bonnie leaves.
Elena and Stefan arrive back at the Salvatore's to find that while Caroline says Alaric is fine, she SENT HIM HOME. (Oh Shit! +20) Uh, not a good idea? Anyone? Bonnie calls to let them know that the Originals are all un-linked and that Klaus has Damon. Then Bonnie starts crying because it's all just been too much.
Stefan is all set to storm in stakes a-blazing to Klaus's, but just as he leaves, he's thrown back through the door! (Oh Shit! +21) It's Sage! And she is VERY ANGRY. She starts to fight him, but then she starts bleeding and melting, and so does the guy she sired, and OH MY GOD, it's filtering down!!! So if you kill an Original, every vampire they sired will also die!!! (Oh Shit! +22) Well played, CW. Well. Played.
Caroline is awesome Drink! when she guesses that maybe Sage just died of sadness, but then Elena and Stefan realize what I got, like, 15 seconds ago.
George: You can't kill them without killing yourselves! Neither can live while the other survives!
Damon is STILL hanging around in the study, when Stefan arrives with the bag of white oak stakes. He offers the "last eight" stakes in exchange for Damon, but Klaus is skeptical about the offer, and goes to Damon and tells him to go home, and Damon is going to rip his hands off obeying his compulsion! This is terrible! (Oh Shit! +23) I can't even drink to Damon's semi-shirtlessness anymore!
Elena explains to Caroline that they kept three stakes, if they can just figure out who sired who and who to kill. (Answer: Not YHH or Klaus!!!) As Elena goes on to hope that they can still kill Klaus, Caroline has the realization that Klaus for a fact turned Tyler! Huzzah! Klaus and his dimples will live another day!
Damon is STILL tearing his hands out of the traps, (Oh Shit! +24) when Klaus is awesome Drink! telling him to stop before he hurts himself. Now I realize that I shouldn't be snorting beer up my nose in callous mirth, but Klaus is SO awesome in his evilness, and... I think Damon would appreciate the humor if he wasn't in terrible pain. Since Damon could be compelled, Klaus gets the low down on the real number of stakes.
Klaus delivers a great speech about how he's given Stefan something to hate so he doesn't have to hate himself -- and how Stefan should really be grateful, but then Rebekah gets bored, because she doesn't like to hear anyone give speeches unless that person is herself, and tells Stefan that he and Damon can leave, and that she'll let them live -- if they bring her the rest of the stakes.
Rebekah is having a sad Drink! about Finn dying, but Klaus is awesome Drink! with his assessment of his dead brother. Now that they are unlinked, Klaus is back to his old thing where he's decided that he's going to take Elena and create a "new family". (Oh Shit! +25)
Elena tells Stefan that he really worried her with his whole going-after-Klaus-alone thing, but Stefan is having a sad Drink! because hating Klaus was just easy, and it was a distraction from everything he had lost. But Elena never stopped loving him! And he knows that! But he also knows that she's also in love with Damon! And she can't deny it! She doesn't know what, exactly, she feels for Damon. (Oh Shit! +26) Wow. Once again, when the shit hits the fan, the Stefan and Elena heartbreak chemistry goes through the roof!
Damon shows up at Alaric's to get his stake, but it's NOT THERE!!!!! And Alaric was the only one who knew about it! His Mr. Hyde took it and hid it!!!! (Oh Shit! +27) What are they going to do now?!!!
Well, this obviously calls for the intervention of the President of the Handsome Club, Junior League, Paranormal Division, because next week, it appears that they take a road trip to Colorado!
I think we seriously broke the ohshitometer tonight, with 27, and Bonnie's tea isn't working! WHAT is to become of Alaric?!!!! Oh, CW, why do you torture us so? Okay, your turn! Let's discuss in the comments!