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The Vampire Diaries 3x19: Heart of Darkness

A recap of The Vampire Diaries, episode 3x19, "Heart of Darkness", with drinking game and ohshitometer.

The Vampire Diaries 3x19: Heart of Darkness

It's Vampire Diaries time!!!! HELLS YESSSSS!!!!

So, I um, don't really remember what's going on, to be honest, since the CW has put this show on more hiatuses than there are stakes made from the Wickery Bridge. Seriously, CW, how do you expect a show to survive, when you keep putting it on breaks?!!!! If this show loses viewers, it won't be the fault of the writers or the actors, it will be YOURS, programmer person at the CW. YOURS ALONE.

Ahem. Okay, now that I've gotten THAT off my chest, I can tell you that even though I don't really remember what's happening, I'm still really excited for this episode! Or just to see the Presidents of the Handsome Clubs -- Original, Evil, and Junior League, Paranormal Division -- because I do believe Jeremy is back tonight!!!

Elena goes down into the Salvatore dungeon to visit… The President of the Handsome Club -- Original!  Ah, he's hanging out in the dungeon so his One Ring controlled alter ego doesn't go around hiding socks and keys, as well as Wickery Bridge stakes.  And he's looking very, very handsome while doing it. *Drink!* Elena brought him some toiletries, and Damon -- even off screen -- is awesome *Drink!* because he snuck a copy of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde into the case.  Anyway, Elena spells some doom and gloom about how Klaus is going to kill them all if they don't find that stake, and so because of this, she and Damon are going on a ROAD TRIP *Drink!*  to pick up Jeremy!  Huh, I guess Stefan suggested the trip as a way for Elena to suss out her feelings for Damon.

At Mystic Falls High School, Caroline finds Matt and a bunch of other kids decorating for ANOTHER dance!  Oh, this is the Decade Dance that Caroline has been talking about.  But ohnoshedi'n't!  Rebekah has changed it from a '70s theme to a '20s theme!  (Oh Shit! +1)  And you all know how I feel about Rebekah, but I've gotta say -- that's a good change.  Still, don't mess with Vampire Barbie!  Matt follows Caroline after she storms off, and turns out, joke's on you, Rebekah!  It was a classic ruse and you fell for it, giving Caroline time to go see someone.  I wonder who?
George: I bet it's Tyler! Ahwoowooowooo!!!!

Stefan is watching Alaric try to fall asleep, which is kind of strange, but can you blame him?  Thing is, Alaric can't sleep, so Stefan pulls out some whiskey!
George: Man, life in Mystic Falls is so awesome… you know, if you don't get murdered.
Then they have a heart to heart about how Elena might have feelings for Damon and Stefan might have to torture the location of the missing stake out of Alaric.  (Oh Shit! +2)  Good times.

Damon and Elena show up at Jeremy's church camp in Colorado, and there's the President of the Handsome Club -- Junior League, Paranormal Division!  And he's playing baseball!  They want him to use his ghost whispering ability to whisper to Rose to find out who sired her, so they can know which Originals are safe for killing.  But Jeremy is too busy hanging out with his new best bud, who is, OH NO! Kol Drogo!  (Oh Shit! +3)  And he beats Damon with a baseball bat!  (Oh Shit! +4)  But then Damon stakes him with his own bat, which won't kill him, since it's not made of the Wickery Bridge, but it'll give them a head start.

"Oh Shit!"

Damon, Elena and Jeremy are checking into a motel on the run,
George: This motel is so shabby, those posh Originals won't find us!
and Jeremy is bummed that his new bud was an Original.  Damon is awesome *Drink!* asking Jeremy how he thought he'd made a friend so quickly, because had he met himself?  Then Damon calls Jeremy "Whoopi", and is awesome in general *Drink!*  And then Rose appears!  And she's all like, "You guys, death is CRAY! I live on this farm, and there are these zombies, and this cute guy, Glenn…"

Caroline is combing the forest looking for Tyler, and when she finds him they have hot vampire/werewolf sex!  Have they learned nothing from the past?  Teeth condoms, please!
George: Gettin' it on in the woods, like hobos… or hippies…
Matt gives Rebekah a ride home, and she wonders why he's being nice to her.  I'd kind of feel bad for her, since Matt IS being nice to her as a favor to Caroline, but Rebekah, dude, no one's going to love you if you don't love yourself first.  She goes inside to find Mommy's home!  (Oh Shit! +5)  And she's dying!  (Oh Shit! +6)

Rose still has a bad wig, poor thing, and tells Jeremy that she's rooting for Damon and Elena, (the possibility of which is news to Jeremy, obvs.) and that she was sired by someone named "Scary" Mary Porter.

Alaric conjectures over whiskey with Stefan that perhaps Elena doesn't need to worry, and  that Jeremy's One Ring would turn him into a pot-smoking pacifist.  So kind of like he was already?
George: The ring might not, but Colorado will definitely do that to you…
Then Alaric starts talking about how when he turns into President Mr. Hyde, it's not like he's compelled, it's actually just him, but I have to agree with Stefan.  It's the darkest parts, yes, but you also have a lot of good in you, too, Alaric.  I can feel it.

El Presidente está caliente.

Then Klaus shows up!  (Oh Shit! +7) And it's the President of the Handsome Club -- Evil!
George: Oh, I think you got your Handsome Club meetings mixed up…

Stefan tells Klaus that the fate of the entire vampire race is riding on them finding that missing stake, and so to speed things along, Klaus breaks Alaric's neck!  Again!  (Oh Shit! +8)  Man, I'm just never okay with killing Alaric.  It always hurts.

Mother Original explains to Rebekah that since Bonnie's mom was turned into a vampire, the Bennett line she was drawing power from was broken, hence her dying.
George: The worst kind of moms are the dead ones that keep coming back.
They have a heart to heart about  why momma Original tried to kill all of her children -- it was because they were just living too long!!!  But Rebekah tells her that she hasn't lived AT ALL!  Ah, Rebekah, that's the cry of every man- and woman-child the world over.  Get over it.  Then Mother Original dies.  That was abrupt.  (Oh Shit! +9)

Caroline interrupts hers and Tyler's post-coital bliss by telling him that even though Klaus sired him, if they find out that Klaus didn't sire them, Stefan and Damon will still kill him (Klaus).  (Oh Shit! +10)  Hmmm, I don't think that was a very good idea, Caroline.

A Shirtless Salvatore!!! *Drink!*  is walking around the motel room, having a drink in the middle of the night, and Elena is watching him.  When he sees her, some serious eye contact ensues.

I'm pretty sure right now she's thinking: "Shirtless Salvatore! Drink!"

Damon lays down next to her,
George: Yeah, let's snuggle.
and Elena asks him why he never lets anyone see the good in him, but he just doesn't want to have t live up to any expectations, Elena.  And then there is a DELICIOUS scene in which their fingers tangle before Elena freaks out and goes outside.  Damon follows her and asks her "why not?" and she turns and rushes to him and they K-I-S-S!!! *Drink!* And what a kiss it is!  Holy Hell.  (OH SHIT!!! +11)  And after the commercial break, they are STILL at it!!!  Only to be interrupted by Jeremy, who is NOT impressed.  Oh, and Rose found "Scary" Mary.  She lives in Kansas.
George: She's a vampire who obviously doesn't like herself very much.

Alaric wakes up and it's really the real him, still.  He thinks his alter ego is too smart to come out.  So he takes off his ring and tells Stefan that he hopes President Mr. Hyde has a sense of self-preservation.  (Oh Shit! +12)
George: I want you to hit me as hard as you can.
In Kansas, Damon and Elena leave Jeremy in the car and enter "Scary" Mary's house, and seriously, you guys, just as I was about to type the words "vampire hoarders", Damon said them *Drink!*   But when they find her, she's been staked!  (Oh Shit +13)  And Kol Drogo is the guy who staked her!  (Oh Shit! +14)  Man, how did he know where they were going?

At the Handsome Fight Club, Alaric is getting the ever-living shit kicked out of him, and he's still awesome and Presidential.  He pushes Stefan to embrace his own darkness and when Stefan does, I do believe we have President Mr. Hyde!  (Oh Shit +15)

Kol Drogo resumes his whole "beating on Damon with an aluminum bat" thing, but don't worry, it's just to get even!  (Oh Shit! +16)  He's an Original with an incredible sense of justice, apparently.

President Mr. Hyde taunts Stefan, but won't give up the location of the stake, so Stefan makes to kill him, (Oh Shit! +17) and he's all like, "Oh, okay, it's in the cave."

Damon and Elena put themselves back together, but then he asks her what's going on.  He thinks she went along with this trip because she thought he would screw up, and Elena has a point when she tells him that self-sabotage IS pretty much his M.O.  So then he decides he won't do that this time, because he's not going to make it easy for her to choose.  And now the evil part of me is cackling and rubbing my hands together in glee.

Klaus has decided to hang out with Stefan, while Rebekah takes Alaric to the cave to make him retrieve the stake.  He and Stefan have a heart to heart about how he can't control Stefan anymore.

"No one tells me what to do! Not even blood lust!"

On the car ride home, Rose pops in for another visit, and tells Jeremy that it's not just Elena who changes Damon; Damon changes Elena too.  And that while Stefan is pure and will always be good for her,
George: Except for, like, this whole last year.
Damon will either be the BEST for her, or the WORST for her.

Caroline invites Tyler over to spend the night, and  tells him that she just got him back, so she isn't going to let anyone (meaning Damon and Stefan) take him away from her, but then he finds that drawing of her and a pony that Klaus made for her, (Oh Shit! +18) and his old douchebag self comes out and he leaves.

In the cave, Rebekah sends President Mr. Hyde to grab the stake, and I have a BAD feeling about this.  (Oh Shit! +19)  He gets the stake, but wants to make a bargain with her -- to kill one of the other Originals.  But she says noway jose', she wants them all dead, as she crosses over the boundary that vampires couldn't cross because Mother Original didn't die, she TOOK OVER REBEKAH'S BODY!!!!  (OH SHIT!!!! +20)

Well.  I didn't see that coming.  Man, that Mother Original -- hellbent on killing her kids.  So okay, I'm super-glad that Jeremy's back, even though he kind of just looked sleepy in this episode.  I hope they give him more to do.  Things are FINALLY on nearly equal footing for Delena and Stelena, which, all I can say is that it's about time!  What did you think?  Was that a kiss or was that a kiss?

Jenny Bird's photo About the Author: Jenny grew up on a steady diet of Piers Anthony, Isaac Asimov and Star Wars novels. She has now expanded her tastes to include television, movies, and YA fiction.
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