Happy Memorial Day everybody! I hope you are all enjoying some sort of picnic by a body of water! I am delighted to bring you today's edition of Cover Story, where we write a synopsis for a book based only on its cover art. Today's installment proves that awesomely bad covers aren't an invention of our modern times. No! They date back to the '60s or '70s, at least! I present to you: The Hungry Ones.
There is an evil, and it has an appetite for the innocent. Only, it actually looks like a spider, and that's just not scary enough. So the evil masquerades as a clown, which is waaay scarier, and then lures children into sewers with promises of a sewer society where everyone floats. Once it has them, though, being the evil that it is, it murders them up. But Mary Sue and her friends aren't going to take it anymore! They are going to fight this evil spider-clown and bring it down! Each one of them has something to offer: brains, courage, heart, some other shit. Each one, that is, except for Mary Sue, because she's a girl. What is Mary Sue to do? What is her purpose in this group of evil spider-clown fighters? "I know!" thinks Mary Sue. "I have a vagina! I'll have sex with each of the other members of my evil spider-clown fighting team one after the other while we're down in the sewers like a great gang-bang in a toilet -- even though we're all only 11 and 12 years old -- and that will somehow magically make everything okay!" And it does.
And btw, eff you Stephen King.