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Casting Call: Finnick in CATCHING FIRE

With three actors in the running, it all comes down to one important quality: Who looks the best while wet and shirtless?

Casting Call: Finnick in CATCHING FIRE

In case you were living in a void of hotness yesterday, you might not know that Lionsgate has (apparently) narrowed down the Finnick casting to three choices. THIS IS BIG NEWS, PEOPLE. Especially because Lionsgate totally ignored our suggestions for Peeta and Gale, which means Finnick is the last chance for the Hunger Games trilogy to feature a Sexy McSexy male character. (Lenny Kravitz as Cinna doesn't count, because he's barely in the rest of the books, and we the people require a substantial target of lust.)

According to the internet, the final three candidates are: Garrett Hedlund, Armie Hammer and Taylor Kitsch.

If I had an animated gif of Laura Linney freaking out in Love, Actually, I would insert it right here because TAYLOR KITSCH OMG HELL TO THE YES.

But since Forever Young Adult is a fair, balanced website, I have decided to scientifically analyze each actor's qualifications to determine who will be the best Finnick. Based on my research of the series, Finnick requires the following skills:

1. Smokin' Hotness

2. Cocky Charm

3. Secretly Tortured Soul

4. Glistening Abs and Pecs

(Some of you might point out that #1 and #4 are the same but WHO ARE YOU TO QUESTION SCIENCE?)

Ok, let's hit the lab!

GARRETT HEDLUND

The following scores are based on my observations of Garrett in Tron, a film I saw at least 60% of before passing out from boredom/alcohol.

1. Smokin' Hotness: 6

He had to wear a day-glo suit most of the time, but he seemed pretty fit. Although that could have been CGI.

2. Cocky Charm: 5

I wouldn't say the Tron script did him any favors.

3. Secretly Tortured Soul: 4

I guess? He really did miss his dad, aka Jeff Bridges, aka The Dude.

4. Glistening Abs and Pecs: TBD in our special "Shirtless" round below.

ARMIE HAMMER

My analysis of Armie is rooted in his performance as the Winklevi in The Social Network.

1. Smokin' Hotness: 8

I almost doubled the score because Armie managed to play not just one but TWO ridiculously handsome men.

2. Charm: 3

Two words: Ken doll.

3. Secretly Tortured Soul: 3

Four words: I repeat, Ken doll.

4. Glistening Abs and Pecs

See below.

TAYLOR KITSCH

Honestly, the analysis could end here because TIM RIGGINS is always the correct answer, but for the sake of your education, I'll continue.

1. Smokin' Hotness: 10

See above.

2. Cocky Charm: 10

I mean, have you seen Friday Night Lights?

3. Secretly Tortured Soul: 10

At the risk of repeating myself, TIM RIGGINS.

4. Glistening Abs and Pecs

As illustrated in the glorious photo above, Taylor is 100% prepared to appear shirtless in the water while clutching a trident with his muscles rippling. HELLO ACADEMY AWARD.

However, it's not fair to compare this image with the photos of Armie and Garrrett, even though this picture came up in the first few rows of my Google search because Taylor can't help the fact that his incredible physique is hailed across the world wide web. In order to be completely objective, I've decided to do a search on all three men using their name plus "shirtless." Because I believe in equality!

BONUS SHIRTLESS ROUND!

GARRETT: Dude. No. If Finnick looked like you, he would've been killed in the first five minutes of the 65th Hunger Games.

ARMIE: WHAT THE WHAT?! Ain't no way you're gonna get a Capitol sponsor with that hair. And that goes for the stuff on your head, too.

TAYLOR:

Wait, what was I saying? Oh, right, right, Finnick! The casting! Yes! Um... wait, I'm sorry, I just... LOOK AT THAT. LOOK. AT. THAT.

I just counted all of those muscles, and when you sum them up, you win a free ticket to SEXY FEST 2013.

Ok, Lionsgate, you now know the rightful winner of the Finnick role. And it's based in SCIENCE!

So don't eff this up. DON'T YOU DARE EFF THIS UP, LIONSGATE. OR I WILL STAB YOU WITH A TRIDENT.

(But you, gentle readers, should feel free to leave your own scholarly thoughts in the comments. Agree with me? Disagree? Know other paragons of hotness I should Google? Lemme know!)

 

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Posh Deluxe's photo About the Author: Sarah lives in Austin, TX, where she programs films at the Alamo Drafthouse. Sarah enjoys fancy cocktails, dance parties and anything that sparkles (except vampires).