I'd like to start this post by expressing my thanks to the following shows for helping to distract me from my Awkward TEASS (The End of an Awesome Show Syndrome): Game of Thrones, Girls and Parks & Rec. Without you guys, I would've spent the last nine months writing fanfic involving Ming, a hot new brainiac and a deserted corner of the school library. As it were, I still managed to incorporate Tamara slang into conversation WAY too often.
But finally, FINALLY, the ultimate cure for my TEASS is almost here! Season Two of Awkward premieres on June 28th, and based on the trailer, IT'S GOING TO BE AMAZEBALLS. And full of excuses to shriek "TIA!!!!", obvs.
In order to eek as much enjoyment out of this trailer as possible, we must turn to science! Join me as I break down every cringe-worthy (and LOL-worthy) second in this hot mess (and I mean that in a good way) of a preview.
YES, YES, WE KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN SEASON ONE. Stop wasting precious seconds of this trailer and GET ON WITH IT.
Well, ok, I guess I don't mind a few reminders.
Dude, Matty. I get that you're depressed. But must your hair suffer as well? As my dad would say, GET A HAIRCUT, SON.
Tamara, PLEASE TELL ME THAT IS A DRILL TEAM UNIFORM BECAUSE YES. Also, I MISSED YOU.
Crank up the heat INDEED. Man, I SO would've played video games in high school if there were shirtless dudes around. Then again, I just remembered the guys who played video games in high school and never mind.
"You have nice abs! I GET IT!" Oh Season Two, I cannot WAIT for you to belabor this point.
Wait, what? Jake's timing is off? JENNA WHAT ARE YOU DOING. WHAT. ARE. YOU DOING. I mean, have you SEEN Matty's hair?
Yep, writing that letter was a bad idea. You know what else was a bad idea? Not wearing waterproof mascara.
Oh man, Jenna's parents are separating?! That sucks! Almost as much as the fact that Jenna's mom has a better body than she does.
"YOUR DAD'S SINGLE?!!" Oh Valerie, IT IS SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
I even missed Lissa! Although, based on this clip, not as much as Jenna did.
"Two boys fighting over a girl is... a fantasy. For some women." And we call those women Twihards.
So, in this love triangle, is Jake the Peeta? Does that make him the Jacob also? If so, WHERE ARE THE JORTS. Also, Matty, PLEASE FIX YR HAIR.
I'm pleased to see that Tamara's fashion sense has not improved over the past nine months.
I don't think there's anyone working in television today that can out-do Ashley Rickards in the Horrified Face department. Girlfriend is UNTOUCHABLE. Also, thanks to that PA, now the whole school knows who to call for a sex touch.
Sure, it is vaguely concerning that Jenna and Matty look so happy together, because I'm firmly on Team Jake, but I'm WAY more interested in the celebration of Italy that's occurring in the background.
MORE FESTIVE KISSING!
So, based on my scientific analysis, it looks like we can expect the following from Season Two:
1. Jenna continuing to waffle between Matty and Jake.
2. Trouble between Jenna's parents.
3. Lots of TIA.
4. WAIT WHERE THE EFF IS MING?
Feel free to leave your scholarly observations and projections in the comments, then stay tuned for my recap of the June 28th premiere so we can go bat shizznat together.