You may remember Smarty Pants Susie from her posts on YA heroines who never appeared in a book and hating Holden Caulfield. Well, girlfriend is back, and this time, she insures that you'll never think of Harry Potter characters in the same way again. Take it away, Susie!
A month or two ago, I came up with a brilliant idea for a Smarty Pants entry. It was going to be a thoughtful examination of my preference for YA books focusing on smart, sassy, creative, girls of a bygone era over the rest of my family's penchant for scifi. But I kept putting it off and by the time I got around to writing it I'd forgotten what my point was, and it really wasn't all that interesting anyway. So I figured I would have to forgo writing another Smarty Pants entry until inspiration struck. And then about an hour ago, it did!*
I've just discovered how funny it is to replace key words in a sentence (Mad Libs style) with random Harry Potter characters. It's excellent for creating suggestive sounding sentences, and in general the more names you cram in there, the dirtier it gets. For example,
"I'm going to Cedric Diggory your Cornelius Fudge so much, you're going to find a Kreacher on your Lavender Brown."
"I'm going Buckbeak your Sirius Black so hard, you're going to wake up thinking you're Rubeus Hagrid."
It's also good for insults,
"You're so ugly you make Pansy Parkinson look like Cho Chang."
That actually works in context, but I like it better when the names are completely irrelevant,
"You're so dumb you make Susan Bones look like Ernie Macmillan."
But you don't have to limit it put downs and come ons. Try it with politics,
"I think the only solution to the turmoil in the middle east would be to Viktor Krum a Mafalda Hopkirk, and try to Madam Hooch it out."
Or with folksy advice,
"If you ask me, you can't just slap an Alicia Spinnet on a Gilderoy Lockhart and call it a Terry Boot."
While the Potterverse was my inspiration, it does work with other fandoms.
"Hey, baby, you want to go back to my Plutarch Heavensbee for a little Greasy Sae?"
"Don't forget to Hodor all your Loras Tyrell's, or they'll get Jorah Mormont all over their Gendry.
And there you have it. Your mileage may vary, but it's entertained me for the last hour or so. And If you don't like it, you can smoke a Padma Patil out of my Nymphadora Tonks!
*That this is how I amuse myself on a Friday night, might reveal way more about me than a whole analytical essay about my reading habits.