Previous episode: "Sex, Lies and the Sanctuary"
Hey y'all, sorry this week's Awkward analysis is so late! I turned on the TV last night to watch my recording of the episode only to discover that Viacom and DirecTV are having some sort of pissing contest, and MTV (and a whole slew of other channels) are no longer available! AWESOME! THANKS ASSHOLES.
Fortunately, MTV puts their shows online, so I caught up this morning. And I only had to watch fifteen commercials about Frappuccinos and Skittles. YAY! I'm feeling like a major Sadie right now, so before I do something that would earn me a big red "B" on my shirt, let's get to the analysis!
Fave slang/phrase: "BBF. Back Burner Friend" -Tamara. (Runner up: "Clingon")
Matty or Jake (who won this episode): Matty
OMG moment: The Zeus Troop marches out in skintight blue jumpsuits. (Obvs, this was an OMG in a good way.)
Here's what happened:
Jenna and Jake (the "newsome twosome") arrive at the school assembly, and Matty is determined to sit next to Jenna. Sandwiched between the two guys, Jenna starts to feel like a uniboob in a sports bra. Val, looking a little slicker now that she's the VP, kicks off anti-bullying awareness week with an awesomely bad speech. She introduces the Zeus Troop (at least, I think that's what she said?), which turns out to be a bunch of girls (led by Tamara) doing dirty dance moves in AMAZING JUMPSUITS.
This really should've been the official uniform of the American Olympic Team.
Sadie is being typical Sadie, so Val slaps a big red "B" on her shirt. Tamara gets one too after she catches Ricky Schwartz tonguing a girl in the bleachers and stops mid-routine to yell at him. After the assembly, Matty slaps Jenna's ass as he walks away, and while Jake doesn't notice that (?!), he has FINALLY noticed that Matty's acting weird. JAKE. WHY MUST YOU BE SO OBTUSE.
Outside of Val's office, Jenna complains to Tamara about Matty, and T, who is starting to feel like a BBF, gives her some great advice: "GET OVER YOU." Then she looks down at her sparkly blue crotch and says, "Nobody likes a Clingon. Especially my panini."
In her office, Val is training a new counselor, and I immediately feel bad for her. But not for long, because I see that Val is wearing a pin that says "I'm Portant" which is the BEST THING EVER. Here's a photo from earlier in the episode so you can see it:
We should totally start selling these pins in the FYA Store.
Val is just as delightfully bad at being a vice principal as she is at being a counselor, and she's having trouble flip flopping between the two (as illustrated by her constant shifting of the "Vice Principal" and "Guidance Counselor" name plates). She tries to negotiate punishment with Tamara but realizes that she can't accept money (because, uh, it's a bribe) so she forces T to volunteer at the 5K Run and get people to sign up.
Jenna is trying hard not to rub her relationship with Jake in Matty's face, but maybe she's trying too hard. He's obviously trying to sabotage her relationship, to the point that he takes his shirt off while playing video games. Jenna has a problem with this, but I DO NOT.
There's a reason that Matty won this episode, and that reason is SHIRTLESSNESS.
Jenna realizes that she's still not managing the situation correctly (duh), saying, "My ménage à trois had become my ménage faux paux."
Meanwhile, the hottest character on the show is missing. TEEN DAD WHERE ARE YOU. He's totally giving Teen Mom the cold shoulder after she admitted that she wrote the letter to Jenna, so to get him back, Teen Mom decided to... buy a hot tub! I don't know why Jenna rolls her eyes, because hello IT'S A HOT TUB. In her backyard! She should be GRATEFUL.
On the phone with Jenna, Tamara tells her that Matty is trying to homewreck her relationship with Jake. She would know, because she's trying to homewreck Ricky Schwartz. Y'all, I'm really getting tired of this Ricky Schwartz thing. Tamara needs a new swimfan obsession. Also, WHERE IS MING? Did she get kidnapped by the Asians?
Jenna invites Jake over to hang in the hot tub, and of course, Matty shows up. While they're sitting uncomfortably in the water, Teen Dad jumps the backyard fence in an attempt to sneak in the back door. Jenna asks for his help, so he... joins her in the hot tub. WITHOUT HIS SHIRT ON. THANK YOU SHOW. From the bottom of my heart, THANK YOU. Then he farts, which is gross, but whatever. He's still shirtless! Jake and Matty run out of there, and Teen Mom shows up looking smokin' hot in her bikini! But even her boobs don't tempt Teen Dad. Damn!
The next day at school, Tamara has changed the 5k sign-up sheet to a "Ricky Schwartz Can Kiss My Ass" petition. The show does a Regina George-style video confessional montage, then Sadie, the bullying expert, gives Tamara some advice. Inspired by Sadie's wisdom, Jenna decides to use PDA to get Matty out of the picture. It totally and completely works, but now Jake thinks that Jenna doesn't like Matty. The hole that Jenna is digging herself into just keeps getting deeper and deeper. I'M SO NERVOUS.
In a little home meeting, Teen Dad tells Jenna that he is temporarily staying at her grandparents' house. Jenna admits that her mom has been a bully, but she doesn't want him to leave (and neither do I!). She stalks out, yelling, "No one gets to escape if I don't!" And teenagers around the world said, "I feel you."
Don't leave, Teen Dad! Also, why do you have so many layers of clothing on? TAKE IT OFF.
Back in the hot tub, Tamara comforts Jenna about her parents' troubles. She thinks it will work out but cautions, "If you get a car, they're getting a divorce."
Jenna decides to confront Matty, which she really should have just effing done in the first place. She accuses him of seducing her and "nuding up every chance you get." He denies it and walks off, so Jenna yells after him and earns herself a "B" from Val. She starts to wonder if maybe *she's* the one sabotaging the relationship.
The next day at the 5K, Val shows Tamara that her efforts to bully Ricky Schwartz only made him more popular. She realizes that Sadie totally gave her bad advice on purpose and threatens to kick the shizz out of her. Yep, the anti-bullying awareness campaign was super effective. Jenna shows up to participate (her punishment for the "B" move) and tells Jake to hang out solo with Matty that night, because she feels bad for hurting their friendship. After Jake walks off, she apologizes to Matty. Way to be mature, Jenna! Except... I'm not so sure *you* should be the one saying you're sorry. Matty is DEFINITELY trying to sabotage your relationship with Jake, as evidenced by his hella sexy smile at Sadie when she accuses him of being a saboteur. Dude, you're being an asshole, but you still totally won this episode.
Teen Mom shows up to do the 5K with Jenna and admits her bullying ways. She also confesses that Teen Dad will be gone for a lot longer than "a few days." As they grab each other's hands, it's a bittersweet moment, and the show pulls it off just right. Dang it, Teen Mom, I forgive you! I FORGIVE YOU, OK? Now let's focus on getting Teen Dad to do the same so the show's hotness won't suffer for too long.
So, what did y'all think? I felt like this episode was definitely the strongest thus far in the season, with a great blend of hilarity, snark and sweetness. I loved how the bullying theme tied everything together without being too kitschy. And I'm reeeeally hoping this isn't the last we see of Teen Dad... or the Zeus Troop!
Next week: "Are You There, God? It's Me, Jenna."