Published August 03, 2012 by Posh Deluxe

Awkward 2x6: What Comes First: Sex Or Love?

Will Jake and Jenna have sex? More importantly, will Aunt Ally be my friend?

Y'all, I already knew that I wanted to be friends with Aunt Ally, but seeing her throwing back wine in this episode with Teen Mom and Val made me want to form a gang with all three of them. We could be like the Pink Ladies, except even less ladylike. I just want to hang out with them and chug wine and wear matching jackets and make catty comments. Anyhoo, let's examine last night's episode, shall we?

Fave slang/phrase: "If you drink enough wine, it tastes like love." -Val

Matty or Jake (who won this episode): Jake (who pulled ahead in the last three minutes!)

OMG moment: When Jenna accidentally turns the PA system on while telling Jake, "I think we should have sex."

Here's what happened:

Jenna is tossing and turning over her reply of "Awesome" to Jake's declaration of love. Good! You SHOULD be losing sleep over this, girl. Then there's a weird montage of her doing things like putting on a hoodie and whitening her teeth because the writers decided it would be cool to make lame jokes connecting those things to all of the issues inside Jenna's head (her confusion over Jake, her sadness over her dad being gone, etc.). I didn't really follow, but it doesn't matter, because Teen Mom's BFF Aunt Ally is back! YES!

Please tell me you're going to tape the girls up for the wedding.

Aunt Ally tells a captivated Teen Mom and a skeptical Jenna all about how she met Dan the Man at the gym, and then he took her to Paris and gave her a huge honkin' ring and he's super rich. So of course Aunt Ally loves him! Jenna can't help but relate this story to her own situation, because teenagers are the center of their own universe.

At school, Jenna tells Tamara (what is that bag she's carrying?) and Ming (HI MING! WHERE'S FRED WU?) about what happened with Jake, and Tamara forces Jenna to answer the question, "Are you in love with Jake or not?" Jenna obviously isn't in love, which gives me a sad because JAKE IS SO GREAT, esp. for a high school guy. Some random dude calls Tamara "Tinklebell" after her spontaneous pants-pee in the last episode (when she saw Sadie kissing that jackhole Ricky Schwartz.)

Speak of the devil, Sadie and Ricky are making out in the Sanctuary, and it's obvious who wears the pants in this relationship. It's nice to see Ricky getting a taste of his own medicine from the Queen Biotch, although I wonder if the writers are planning on having Sadie eventually fall for him? I mean, do we REALLY need to keep Ricky Schwartz around?

Meanwhile, Tamara and Ming tell Jenna that she has to break up with Jake because she'll only end up hurting him in the end. I think I agree? Ming mentions Fred Wu so HE'S STILL IN THE PICTURE. YES.

Jake and Matty are doing the morning announcements (I wish this school had their own Usher, a la She's All That), and Jake confesses to Matty that he told Jenna he loves her. Matty chastises him for "blowing his love wad" before they ever had sex, because apparently there's an order to these things. In class, Tamara basically tells Jenna the same thing-- she should have sex with Jake to find out if she loves him. SOUNDS LIKE A BRILLIANT PLAN. Jenna is still conflicted by her feelings for Matty, but she marches into the school office and tells Jake that she thinks they should have sex. Unfortunately, her elbow is resting on the "on" switch on the PA microphone, so the whole school hears it.

QUELLE NIGHTMARE.

After a montage of student reactions to her faux pas, a totes embarrassed Jenna is walking through the halls when Matty approaches her about what happened. He is INCREDIBLY SWEET and tells her to take it easy with Jake because he's nervous, and he really likes her. Matty *seems* like he definitely wants to get back in the friend zone with Jenna (and be a good friend to Jake) but does this mean he actually doesn't have any lingering feelings for Jenna? I find that hard to believe.

Ricky dares to speak to Sadie in public, so she makes them both pretend to talk on their phones so no one can tell that they're speaking to each other. He begs her not to break his heart, and she finally agrees to meet him after school to give him a "parting gift." Tamara catches Jenna looking at the Sexual Health display and is all, "I know what you're doing after school!" Jenna: "Everyone does." Another random dude comes by and calls T "Pee-her Pants" which is also catchy but, like Tamara, I prefer "Tinklebell."

Valerie calls Jenna into her office so she can give her some advice imparted to her by her mother. "Always be a lady on the street, freak in the sheets and quiet over the PA system." Actually, that's Usher. (Hey! Maybe he WAS the school DJ!) Val also tells Jenna that she's going to yoga with "L-Dawg," aka Teen Mom. "Don't worry," says Val, "I won't let her know you're a ho-bag."

Valerie, please never ever procreate. I wouldn't wish your birds and the bees talk on anyone. Wait, who am I kidding, I would LOVE TO SEE THAT.

Jenna starts to reconsider having sex with Jake, but when he tells her he wants to do it, she eventually melts. Their schedules are pretty full, so they decide to do it that same day. Meanwhile, Sadie and Ricky are making out in her (?) car, and Ricky tells her, "I traded in my tenor sax for my tender Saxton." Yeah, this guy needs to go.

Jake and Jenna, prepared to do it, arrive at her house, only to find Val, Teen Mom and Aunt Ally. TRIPLE THREAT, Y'ALL! Damn, look at the size of those HUGE WINE GOBLETS. These ladies are PROFESH. Jake quickly makes an exit, but then Sadie shows up?! Because... Dan the Man is her uncle? Oh dang. Sadie starts Mean Girling Aunt Ally, who admits that she still hasn't had sex with Dan the Man because she wants it to be special. It seems like she actually has real feelings for this guy? Jenna asks how it can be special if it's not your first time, and she discovers that Teen Mom definitely got arooooound before she met Teen Dad. Val does an awesomely gross baby-coming-out-of-lady-parts pantomime and says, "That is code for HUGE VAJAYJAY!"

Aunt Ally tells Teen Mom that they'll mine her future husband prospects at Ally's wedding, and Teen Mom starts to cry because Teen Dad might not love her anymore. Val offers the following nugget of wisdom, "If you drink enough wine, it tastes like love." Jenna heads to the safety of her room, and Sadie tells Aunt Ally they're leaving in three minutes. She heads outside and calls Ricky to admit that she maybe kinda likes him. I KNEW IT.

Blog time! Jenna is still sorting through her feelings about Jake and sex with Jake when Teen Mom comes in and tells her that she only slept with one guy before she met Teen Dad. It's a sweet moment, and Teen Mom reassures her that every first time *is* the first time, and it should be special. So this means Jenna isn't going to have sex with Jake, right? WRONG. She calls and asks him to pick her up. She'll bring the condoms. Alrighty then!

In his mom's mini-van, Jake shows Jenna that he's tried to make it special, with cute pillows and some kind of "Midnight Musk" spray. (Gross.) But then things really get kinda wonderful, with Jake telling Jenna that he didn't tell her he loved her because he wanted to pressure her into saying it back or having sex with him. He said it because he couldn't hold it in, and if they have sex now, and she doesn't feel the same way, he'll never get over her. Damn, Jake. You kinda slayed me in this scene. Apparently, you slayed Jenna too, because she suddenly knows that she wants to have sex with him. So they do! HOLLA!