Oh man, so many things happened in this episode! ALL OF THE THINGS! To quote Michael in 10 Things I Hate About You: "The shit hath hitteth the fan... ith."
Fave slang/phrase: Jenna: "You're drunk." Aunt Ally: "And you're a dork! But at least tomorrow I'll be sober. For a while."
Matty or Jake (who won this episode): Matty
OMG moment: When Matty and Jenna kiss and then JAKE IS WATCHING FROM THE WINDOW OMG OMG OMG.
Here's what happened:
We're back at Aunt Ally's wedding, and Jake has just been informed by Sadie that Matty "had a piece of the Hamilton pie" before Jake did. Jenna has just left him a voicemail telling him that she loves him, and she's expecting them to head to her house to finally have the sex. But then Jake completely DUMPS HER ASS.
"I could be honest and tell you right now that I know what happened between you and Matty, but then this episode would be over."
While Jenna is in a state of shock, Val is in full "Head Bridesmaid" mode. She tells Jenna that "Operation Back Off Backstreet Boy is in full effect," because she's spread a rumor that Heinous Ben has a big penis in order to keep Teen Mom away from him. GENIUS, VAL. She also has a secret stash of beauty products strapped to her leg, because she is a true professional.
A v. angry Jake calls Matty and tries to bait him into spilling the beans about his previous relationship with Jenna. Matty plays it cool, which is unfortunate, because JAKE KNOWS! MATTY! JAKE KNOOOOOWS!
The wedding is in full swing at this point, and we actually get to see Aunt Ally's husband! He's... portly! Jenna and her mom are both having a sad (Teen Mom is missing Teen Dad), and they leave to get some air. Val calls after them, "What is up with you Hamiltons? This is not your day! This is NOT your day!" I would agree with her, except the bride is wasted, so she's kind of given up her day already.
Tamara, being an awesome friend, heads over to Jake's table to investigate. Jake's being all brood-y, and Tamara asks, "Why are you talking like a fortune cookie?" ZING! Jake makes his exit, and Jenna calls shenanigans and runs after him. She stands in front of his car, begging him to talk to her, and at this point, he's just being an asshole. I mean, yes, I get why Jake is hurt, and he has every right to be upset, but COME ON. Let it out, Rosati! But instead of talking to her, he pulls out of the parking lot and leaves her in the dust.
The silvering lining to all of this is that Jenna got to miss a hideously boring wedding toast (although I'm always a fan of enchiladas), which causes Val to grab the mic and show 'em how it's done. After a serious of bad jokes, girlfriend has the wedding crowd eating out of the palm of her hand. WELL PLAYED, VAL.
Meanwhile, Heinous Ben finds Teen Mom outside and basically tells her that he was heartbroken over her for years after high school. I can't believe I'm saying this but I'm kind of... feeling this scene? It's obvious that Heinous isn't just playing Teen Mom-- he really means it. He tells her she owes him a kiss good-bye, and I almost get a tingle BUT then some cheesy music starts playing and now I just feel dirty.
Yep, I still miss Teen Dad.
Jenna sees this kiss go down and immediately calls her dad and demands that he come to the wedding. She heads inside to tell Aunt Ally, who is happy that Teen Mom is having a good time. She tells Jenna that Buzzkill (Teen Dad) screwed Teen Mom up over and over again, and Teen Mom deserves to be with someone who treats her right like Heinous Ben. SAY WHAT?
In Matty's bedroom, Freshman Hottie is trying her best to seduce Matty, but he's too distracted by the news of Jake breaking up with Jenna. He leaves, telling her he has to be a good friend. Aww! Although I wonder how much of this has to do with being a good friend to Jake and how much it has to do with trying to get back together with Jenna...
OH SNAP Teen Dad shows up at the wedding (looking handsome!) and spots Teen Mom wrapped in the dancing embrace of Heinous Ben. She looks really happy, actually. BURN! Aunt Ally tells him to leave, because apparently it's what he does best, so he heads for the door.
Jenna walks home and wonders if Teen Dad was her mom's Matty, which would make Heinous Ben her mom's Jake. Is Jenna the reason that Teen Mom ended up with a Matty instead of a Jake? Ok, writers, I see what you did there! And I like it!
Jenna is venting on her blog when GASP Matty shows up at her window! Guys, is this really a good idea?
Back at the wedding, Teen Mom sweetly turns down Heinous Ben's offer to help carry her emotional baggage, and I have to say, I'm kinda surprised? What isn't surprising is the fact that Aunt Ally, wearing only part of her dress, is doing the snake on the dance floor.
In his car, Jake listens to Jenna's message and realizes he's made a terrible mistake. (I can't write that without saying it in an Arrested Development sort of way.)
That dickhead Ricky Schwartz tries to get Tamara to dance with him, but she tells him that he's OPP (Out Of Print). Instead, she dances with this kid that's been hitting on her all night. I get that this is supposed to be funny but really it's just... lame and kinda creepy. Oh well. WHATEVER IT TAKES TO KEEP T OUT OF RICKY'S CLUTCHES!
The episode ends with a really kind of wonderful conversation between Jenna and Matty, in which Matty says all of the right things and Jenna admits that she's still in love with him. I'm edging closer and closer to Team Matty, you guys. And then they kiss! And then of course JAKE IS WATCHING FROM THE WINDOW! AUUGHHHH!
K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
So, let's debrief:
1. I think it's actually really cool that the writers are giving us more background on Teen Mom and Teen Dad. Like, I love the idea that Teen Dad could be the Matty (or the Jake-- we don't really know, and I can't trust anything Aunt Ally says except for when she says, "I'm drunk"). What do y'all think?
2. Even though I was impressed with Matty in this episode, and it's no mystery that Jenna still has feelings for him, I think it's KIND of ridiculous that they started making out. I mean, how heartbroken is Jenna, really?
3. Do you think Jake's reaction was realistic or was he just being a tool?
All I know is, we better see some Ming and Fred Wu action in the next episode!
About the Author: Sarah lives in Austin, TX, where she programs films at the Alamo Drafthouse. Sarah enjoys fancy cocktails, dance parties and anything that sparkles (except vampires).
