AWKWARD SEASON TWO FINALE IN THE HIZZOUSE!!!!! Not only do we *finally* get to see who Jenna picks, we also discover the answer behind not one but two mysteries: the identity of Anonymous commenter (!!) and the explanation behind that random Leaning Tower of Pisa in the Season Two trailer.
And I guess the show heard all of our bitching about the filler of the last episode, cos this finale is PACKED WITH DRAMZ!
Fave slang/phrase: "She's a lesbutante. She keeps it strictly above the belt." - Tamara
Matty or Jake (who won this episode): IT'S A TIE. LIKE WHOAH.
OMG moment: When Jake kisses Tamara! HOLLA! tied with GAY CLARK IS ANONYMOUS COMMENTER?!
Here's what happened:
Well, first, there's these shots of the actors who play Jake, Tamara and Sadie talking about the finale party and how we should all try this ID gum. Uh, yeah. I kept hoping Tamara would just start going, "TIA!" because this is a hell of a lot more awkward than anything that has happened on the show.
The episode begins with a game of Spin the Bottle, and I am super confused because I thought Jenna made a decision and so why is she playing a game that obviously ratchets up the already thick tension?
I pray that one of the storylines in Season Three is: Jenna Gets Over Butterflies.
The bottle lands between Jake and Matty, and then Jenna ends up having to do Seven Minutes in Heaven with Matty, and WHAT IS GOING ON? They start making fake noises, and then Jake opens the door and says they don't have to pretend. He's knows they're together, and he's cool with it.
OMG JENNY PICKED MATTY! OMG!! OMG! Ok, well, I'm not REALLY surprised. I mean, I thought she might not pick either boy, but if she was going to pick one of them, it was always going to be Matty. He is, after all, the Ben Covington of this show.
At school, Jenna, Ming and Tamara stare at a poster for the Sophomore Summer Abroad. Tamara is dying to go, because "this year has been craptastic suckdrastic." Jenna tells Ming and T that she and Matty still haven't DTRed, and Tamara's all, "Tell me we're not going to be obsessing over that again!" AGREED. Right at that moment, Matty plops down next to Jenna and gives her a big ole kiss. Aw, that's sweet! Also, it's weird to see them kissing in public. This doesn't mean Jenna's going to turn into a bitchy cheerleader, does it?
Meanwhile, Sadie is whining to Lissa about how Ricky is avoiding her. He has her totally whipped! And it's really gross! SADIE STOP STOP STOP.
Jake seems like he's totally ok with everything, but is he really? And is Jenna jealous? It would be natural for there to be residual feelings (obvs) but I'm with Tamara. I do NOT want to go through this same drama again. Jenna awkwardly attempts to talk to Jake and make sure that there's no bad blood between them, and Jake is being REALLY MATURE. WOW. This is a far cry from his reaction at the wedding when he found out about Matty and Jenna. This is impressive! And also kind of unbelievable! But whatever!
Val calls Jenna into her office, where she has organized a family meeting with Teen Mom and Teen Dad. Damn, Teen Dad, you are looking FINE today. Jenna's parents assure Val that they're back together, and while Val is v. happy about that, she thinks Jenna deserves a reward for putting up with all of the bullshizz. And that reward, of course, is the Sophomore Europe trip. Teen Mom and Teen Dad say they'll think about it, but money is really tight. The best part of this whole scene (aside from Teen Dad's handsomeness) is when Val does the "Mmm, double up, mmm-mm!" from "Baby Got Back."
Everything is going swimmingly for Jenna, and she doesn't like it. She's worried about everything being too perfect, but what she doesn't know is that she's on a television show, so things will never be perfect, because then the show would get canceled! So REST EASY, JENNA!
And, sure enough, just when she and Matty start making out her on bed, Teen Mom and Teen Dad burst into the room and announce that they're sending her to Europe! THEY ARE THE CUTEST!
Teen Dad possesses the incredible skill of looking hot while being incredibly goofy.
Jenna tells Matty that she can't wait for them to go to Europe together, but Matty isn't going on the trip. He wants to stay at the summer camp, where he'll be the head counselor. Way to be adorably responsible, Matty!
Jenna calls Tamara to get some advice, and Tamara tells her that she just caught her mom making out with her friend Claire. She's not a lesbian, Tamara says, she's a "lesbutante," because "she keeps it strictly above the belt." In exchange for keeping the lesbutante thing under wraps, T's mom is letting her go to Europe. And, to convince Matty to join them, Tamara decides to throw a Euro Trash Bash.
With no valuable advice from T (what's new), Jenna heads to another source: Teen Mom! Aww, this is really sweet! Teen Mom tells her to go to Europe, because she doesn't want Jenna to miss out on life (like she did) for a boy. Teen Mom describes how, when she was dating Heinous Ben, he never wanted to dance, so she sat in his lap and watched her friends dance around her. Thankfully, she ended up with Teen Dad, who can do a great white man's overbite. Teen Mom, you were so great in this scene! I'm so glad this season made you, like, a real character with actual, like, layers and stuff.
Fast forward to the Euro Trash Bash! OOOH LA LA! Jenna and Matty are talking in the kitchen, which is Italy (complete with the Leaning Tower of Pisa), and NOW EVERYTHING MAKES SENSE. THANK YOU. Ming is toooootally wasted and "ready to get sweaty with Freddy." Tamara's response: "Head to Amsterdam and get a condom!" Dang, now I really want to throw my own Euro Trash Bash and have an excuse to fill an entire room with brie and wine, aka France. Actually, I just really need a permanent France room for every day use. KTHX.
Sadie is still trying to figure out how to keep Ricky, and is it just me, or should Sadie transfer to a different school next year cos her character is, as the French would say, LE TIRED. Lissa suggests that Sadie offer Ricky the back door, and I am sorely disappointed that she didn't say "behymen." Lissa is also totes trying to hook up with Jake, who is starting to feel like Matty. Every girl in school wants a piece of him, and that is AWESOME. Good for him! It would be interesting to see his character evolve away from the Good Guy next season.
Then, drama ensues! Tamara finds out that Jake got the last Europe spot, so she can't go, and Ming, freshly showered and slightly more sober, finds Fred Wu hiding outside in the bushes. In a scene that is awesomely melodramatic, he tells her that his house has been redistricted, even though it's right across from the school. Obviously, Creepy Asian Becca is behind this, and Fred doesn't want Ming to get hurt, so he has to tell her good-bye for good. He kisses her dramatically and then runs off into the darkness, and I FEEL SO BAD FOR MING. But at least she got an epic kiss out of it.
I'll miss you, Fred Wu. But that doesn't stop me from hoping that Ming will hook up with Kyle next season.
Drunkass Lissa chases Jake outside, and he escapes into a car with... Tamara, who is crying her eyes out. Oh, this is gonna be GOOD.
Gay Clark sits down with Jenna, and she tells him about her "should I stay or should I go?" dilemma. He tells her to trust her gut, and she feels like his advice sounds familiar. OMG THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S ANONYMOUS COMMENTER!!!!! OMG! GAY CLARK! I totally didn't even SUSPECT him! NICE ONE, SHOW!
Back in the car, Tamara is having a sad to Jake about not going on the trip and about her suckdrastic year, and his Good Guy instincts kick in. He tells her that it's silly to think that she can't turn things around for herself, and then HE KISSES HER! THIS IS CRAZYBALLS. AND I LOVE IT. AND THEN JENNA SEES IT! Show, you are MORE than making up for the lack of substance in the last episode. THANK YOU.
This finale has so much kissing! AS IT SHOULD.
After they break their liplock, Tamara says they don't need to do the post make out fake out, but Jake seems into it?! And they keep kissing out! YES!!!! Jenna runs back into the Euro Trash Bash and freaks out about it to Gay Clark. And then she FINALLY figures out that he's anonymous commenter. DUH JENNA. She decides to stop being ridiculous and, when Tamara finds her outside, Jenna tells her that it's cool for her and Jake to hook up, and that she's giving T her spot on the Europe trip. Wow, everyone is being so adult in this episode! It's almost as unrealistic as the do-over episode! But I don't mind, because I'll take any excuse to move the plot forward on this show.
And, just when I thought the episode couldn't get juicier, Sadie opens a door of the house and discovers Gay Clark... hooking up with Ricky Schwartz! WHAT WHAT! Man, I feel like I'm watching old school Gossip Girl. Next season, there better be a Chuck Bass.
During the commercial break, I SWEAR I saw Ming in the trailer for Pitch Perfect. IS THIS TRUE? Reason #491 I NEED TO SEE THIS MOVIE.
Back at the party, Sadie is all weepy to Tamara and Jenna about the Ricky situation and her own bitchiness, and she ALMOST says she's sorry but then passes out. DAMN. Tamara had her phone ready to record it and everything.
In the backyard, there's a great shot of everyone dancing, and Jenna tells Matty that she's staying "because." But when she says it, she's staring lovingly at him, so obvs it's "because"... of him. He's definitely happy about this development, but when Jenna asks him to dance, he says he'd rather stay on the bench with her, and then he pulls her into his lap. JUST LIKE HEINOUS BEN DID TO TEEN MOM. Well played, show. Like, seriously well played. The episode ends with Jenna staring at everyone else having a blast on the dance floor (particularly Jake and Tamara) wondering if she decided on what she wanted rather than what she needed.
Cue the Rolling Stones' "You Can't Always Get What You Want"
HELLUVA ENDING, SHOW. I mean, I don't think it quite tops the drama of the last season finale, with Jenna choosing Jake and finding out that her mom wrote the letter, nor was it quite as heartbreaking compared to that whole scene with Matty showing up at the dance. But I really dug it! It still had some juicy plot twists, and the ending showed that Jenna actually has gotten a little older and a littler wiser over this past season. There was actual CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT happening. And I don't need a cliffhanger to persuade me to tune in next year, because I'm already dying to see how Jenna handles the next step after choosing a relationship: being committed to that relationship.
Also, there is no way in Hades I am watching that Awkward Aftershow. Sorry, y'all, but TIA!!!!!!!!
So, WHAT DID Y'ALL THINK?
1. Are you glad Jenna chose Matty?
2. Do you think Jake and Tamara will stay together? I suspect they'll come back from their European adventures and be all in love and shizz.
3. WILL MING FIND LOVE AGAIN?
4. Did anyone guess that Gay Clark was Anonymous?
5. Will Sadie ever develop as a character?
6. What will happen in Season 3?
7. PLEASE TELL ME KYLE IS SIGNED ON FOR SEASON 3.