Greetings, FYAers. It is I, your humble recapper, Erin, contacting you from across space and time. What space? What time? The space between my ears which seems filled with cotton batting, and the time lost everytime I've fallen over in the last few weeks, which is often. What's wrong with me? I don't know. It's not a stroke, because I can smile with both sides of my mouth and I remember who the president is. But it's something causing dizziness, confusion, lack of coordination and slurred speech, which means that, much like Charlotte Grayson in last season's finale, I am on ALL THE DRUGS.
So I don't really remember what happened on Revenge. If you had asked me while I was watching it, I wouldn't have been able to tell you what was happening on screen. Some obvious facts stand out to me. Nolan cut his hair. Jack was shirtless. Nolan was shirtless. But other than that . . . . nada.
Which is where you guys come in! Fill in the gaps in my swiss cheese memory, folks? Maybe together we can put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
1) TRAC! is drowning in Japan. Is it because:
A) she was a victim of the Japan tsunami and ABC wishes to tastefully display this tragedy on its primetime soaps?
B) she is trying out for Karate Kid 4: Not Starring An Offspring of The Pinkett-Smiths
C) she is trying to access memories of her mother
D) she is trying to impress the mysterious hot British guy who is hanging out with sensei
2) The Mysterious Hot British Guy who is hanging out with Sensei. What's his deal?
A) He didn't make it through the second round of auditions for Downton Abbey and has nothing better to do
B) He is Victoria's Painter Lover from last season
C) He is not Victoria's Painter Lover from last season, Erin; not all British men look alike, you racist.
D) Unclear. I, like Erin, am also on opiates.
3) They tried to make Charlotte go to rehab, she said:
A) no, no, no
B) my daddy thinks I'm fine
C) there's nothing you can teach me that I didn't learn from Hathaway
D) too soon, Erin; too soon
4) Victoria Grayson is;
A) alive and in witness protection
B) dead and a figment of Charlotte (and Erin)'s drugged pysche
C) Cursed and trapped inside a Thomas Kinkade painting
D) wearing a reindeer jumper her nan gave her
5) Nolan is living with TRAC! because:
A) he put his house on the market
B) he is exploring the other side of the Kinsey scale
C) Revenge has turned into a wacky buddy cop movie
D) who cares? Nolan is the best!
6) TRET! is pregnant and:
A) the baby is Jack's
B) the baby is Sensei's
C) the baby is a fake bump
D) the baby is a scam
A) still exists. Sigh.
B) is sleeping with Ashley, ew!
C) is still in love with TRAC!
D) is drunker than I am right now
8) TRAC!'s mom was:
A) killed by the Graysons to keep their secret
B) driven crazy by her husband's philandering
C) was falsely accused of being crazy to keep her out of the way
D) is Jennifer Jason Leigh
Well, it's time for me to go to sleep again for the fourth time today. Please fill out this quiz so I know what happened! Hopefully next week I'll be feeling a bit better and can go back to my normal 3000 words about TRAC!'s FACES. xoxo
Also, bonus question:
Bonus Question: Does Nolan using the words "clam cam" make you think he is talking about vaginas? Please explain your answer using complete sentences.