Erin once adopted a puppy
She worried he might make her look the yuppy
But when he chewed up her clicker
Her TV could go neither slower nor quicker
She sort of wish she'd gone for the guppy
Oh! Gibson, my dog,
I wish you hadn't eaten
My TV Remote.
Sometimes Erin takes
Drugs, all prescribed, I assure
Thee, But still: crazy
Once Upon a Time
Is a show on ABC
It doesn't look good.
Oh, but the Grayson mansion is bloody
Yet Victoria ne'er allows it muddy
Maybe instead of lies
She should try some pies
Then I'd totes be her buddy
TRAC! and Aiden fight
On the beach, in broad daylight
Nobody cares. Poop.
There once was a lady named Ashley
Well, she's still alive, present tense please
Sometimes she wears shoulder pads
In order to attract the Grayson lad
I think she thinks she's on Dynasty
TRAC! and TRET!, Juvie
Roomies, But was sex ever
a thing? I wonder.
There once was a girl named Padma
Who thinks that Nolan is gaga for TRAC!, duh
She thinks they're doing the dirty
Which ruins her plan to be flirty
But really Nolan is going to marry me, I don't know why we are even talking about this, jeez
Even tells Nolan about
His dead dad. Whoops. Oh!
TRAC!'s mom is not buying it
So he pulls a gun
The blood on the floor
It's totally Ashley's, right?
If it ain't, I'm mad
Oh, wait no, new plan
TRET! has a miscarriage, so
Once a rich man named Conrad
Broke laws and did things that were bad
The writers think we care
But no, this storyline we cannot bear
Can't he die? He makes me mad.
To toast a pregnant stripper
And her stripper friends
There once was a lady named Miz Clark
Not dull; she was fast like a shark
Aiden tried to trick her
But he totally couldn't lick her
She tased him, bro, like a nark.
Nolan's daddy died
But he loved him all along,
Also: The Craft Store
Vickie got TRET! a
check for one hundred large ones
Nice shower gift, yo.
TRET! falls from the stairs
Like Scarlett O'Hara, post
Rhett returning home.
Oh, that Declan thing
Is just about a rich guy;
Wants to buy the bar
There once was a storage room elsewhere
Basically a Nolan childhood lair
There Nolan made the moves
Padma responded to his groove
But this isn't starring me so what do I care
At the hospital
TRAC! tells doc to save the babe
That's kind of shitty.
(because I can't rewind or ff, I can't remember if TRAC!'s assurance to the doc that TRET! said she wanted the baby saved instead of her is correct, but it sounds like TRAC! just trying to get TRET! out of the way.)
TRET! in coma now
Little baby in NICU
I can't deal; too sad!
TRAC! sees Mizzus Clarke
At TRET!'s bedside, crying, and
Mom tried to drown her.
Okay, guys, your thoughts!! Will TRET! survive? Will she wake up with a convenient bout of amnesia? WILL THE BABY BE OKAY??? Do you think Padma is going to suspect something of Nolan because of that framed David Clarke check she found? IS SHE A SPY? Why is that dude going through such lengths to get Jack to sell the Stowaway? Like, I feel like you could just offer a good price. Dude's po'. Let us hear your theories in the comments!
Oh, one more thing: Does anyone in the world care what's going on with Conrad?