Hot ladies, tiny dresses.
TERRIBLE NEWS! We only have two episodes left until Nashville goes on winter haitus, y'all! EXCELLENT NEWS! This episode was SUPER JUICY!
First, a recap of events!
- Juliette's still suffering from bad press, and now she's the Jessica Simpson to Sean Butler's Tony Romo. Apparently he's thrown a few bad passes lately, and it's obviously the "Country Cryptonite's" (sic) fault. Ugh. I hate when the press blames ladies for men's failing in sports. Remember a few years ago when the England team's coach wouldn't allow any of the WAGs to travel to the World Cup because apparently the mere presence of their vagina were too distracting? Anyway, things are heating up between Juliette and Sean, and she wants to Do The Sex with him, but he's not into casual sex! He's also very tattooed! And while he has some nice abs, he's way too thin to be a starting QB in the NFL. Juliettte gets really upset and accuses him of being gay. But Sean Butler is not so easily swayed! He shows up later to bring her flowers and assure her that he's NOT gay! But he also doesn't believe in premarital sex. Yeahl, I bet this relationship is going to end well for these two.
- Avery's band is now called The Avery Taylor Band, and their Cougar manager, Marilyn, has them playing for a super large venue. Well, that was easy! Avery's bummed that Scarlett won't be there, and Scarlett's doubting her decision to kick Avery to the curb. You know who isn't doubting her decision to dump him? EVERYONE ELSE EVER IN THE WHOLE WORLD.
- Coleman shows Teddy the photos of him and Peeegghhhy embracing and tells him to drop out of the campaign! Oooh! Coleman has his big boy panties on! Teddy knows that he has to tell Rayna before Coleman does, but first he tells Peeegggghhy that they can't be seen together. Rayna's daddy wants to use Peggy's instability as a defense - say that Peggy went after Teddy. He also wants to call the press and the cops and get Coleman's charges reinstated. Teddy isn't so sure. He doesn't want to play dirty!
- It's some sort of big anniversary show for Rayna and Juliette's label at the Ryman, and Marshall Evans wants Juliette to duet with Rayna, because of her bad press. He threatens Rayna that if she doesn't comply, he'll release a dreaded Greatest Hits album. Girl, stop fighting that! You're broke and it's easy money! Rayna wants to debut her new sound at the show, which is sort of tricky since Deacon's going to be the House Band leader for the show and Rayna's working with Liam McGuinness of the Irish McGuinnesses. Both Liam and Deacon sit and watch Juliette and Rayna argue about what song to duet with equal measure of humor and exhaustion, but it spirals out of control when Juliette accuses Rayna of being played out and unpopular and Ranya accuses Juliette of not earning her place and being an upstart nobody. Deacon takes Juliette's side and throws down a demo of "Undermine" on the table and storms out after Juliette. Ugh, not that song again.
Having trouble coming up with a song? Try some of me Lucky Charms!
- Hailey tarts Scarlett up and takes her out on the town. Scarlett's hair looks full of secrets when it's curled properly. She should always look so nice. Gunnar is soooo jealous that Scarlett's getting some action. But Scarlett gets a little drunk on tequila shots and adorably sings Ring of Fire for the whole bar, pissing off Gunnar and making him jealous when a guy hits on her. Scarlett gets upset because literally every dude in her life is a douchecanoe except for her uncle, so she goes over to Avery's to try to get back together, because Scarlett is an idiot, but of course Marilyn is there, sauntering around in her bra. Ugh.
- Rayna decides to be the adult in the situation and goes over to Juliette's house, tells her they both need to suck it up and proposes they write a song together. They stay up all night. Who is watching poor Lennon and Maisy? (Who we finally got to see again in this episode, adorably excited about movie night. I'll watch a movie with you girls!)
- At the big show, Rayna wears a BAMF skintight beaded dress and Juliette wears a dress that almost covers her crotch! They sing a song, the words for which I can barely hear because I think the sound-mixing is off on this show. But it seems super popular, and everything is into it, even Deacon and Liam, who are both playing guitar! The crowd goes wild, which means that probably they'll probably end up having to record this for the label, much to the dismay of both Rayna and Juliette. But I am happy! Because this show should have way more scenes between these two!
Rayna vs Juliette (i.e. who "won" the episode):
Erin: I always give it to Rayna and this week is no different. Even though she shouldn't have let Juliette bait her in the first place (and I still don't understand why she hates the Greatest Hits idea so much), she kicked ass by being the bigger person and suggesting they write a new song. And also she looked awesome in her skintight dress with all that cleavage. RAYNA I LOVE YOU FOREVER.
Posh: Rayna FO SHO. Sure, she was a little harsh to Juliette, but then she went into full on Tami Taylor Mode (FIST PUMP) and told Juliette that they had to write a song together. I love it when girlfriend is a straight shooter like that. Plus her hair, which is always magnificent, looked like it was SPUN BY ANGELS at the label anniversary show. I am still rooting for Juliette, of course, but when she told Sean he was gay for not wanting to have sex with her, I was all NAH-UH.
Erin: For me, it was that first scene between Juliette and Rayna in weeks when Juliette was shitty (as usual) about having to do the duet. "Well, you just do what you have to do, honey." Oh, I LOVE YOU, RAYNA! But also that is just what this show has been missing. I mean, why have all this dramatic tension between these two characters and NEVER have them in scenes together!
Posh: When Scarlett finally wises up and tells Gunnar, ""If I'm gonna lose someone, I'm glad it's not you." SA-WOON.
Scarlett's typical milkmaid clothing. Also we learned in a commercial that Gunnar is actually British!
Erin: Ugh, I don't want to vote for Scarlett and Gunnar and Gunnar's stupid soul-patched jealousy, but it was kind of worth it for Scarlett's adorable drunken singing of Ring of Fire. She looks so cute when she dresses up and doesn't wear milkmaid clothing!
Posh: I THOROUGHLY enjoyed the rivalry between Liam and Deacon that quickly turned into a bromance. The jealousy was hot, but then it was over quickly enough to be cute. And when they jammed on stage together, it was adooorable. And cheesy and lame. But mostly adorable.
- Hailey, you haven't figured out until now that your boyfriend is in love with Scarlett yet? Really?
-Why is Avery still sleeping with Marilyn and her Playtex 16-hour bras? And how come no one in his band cares that it's the Avery Taylor band now?
- Seriously, WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL ABOUT A GREATEST HITS ALBUM. YOU'RE BROKE, RAYNA.
- I know the writers don't want us to like Teddy, but I still think they should have cast someone who can act. WHY IS TEDDY SUCH A BAD ACTOR?
- Erin pointed this out earlier but I really need to know: WHO IS WATCHING THE GIRLS?
- Why did Hailey have to go and be nice to Scarlett so that we have to feel guilty when Gunnar breaks up with her? I REFUSE TO FEEL GUILTY.
- Is it really THAT important that Teddy be mayor? Why can't he just drop out of the race like a normal victim of blackmail?
- Exactly how pissed is Rayna going to be when she sees those pictures of Peeeggghhy? And will Coleman really go through with it?
- What the hell happened in Deacon and Scarlett's family to produce those two? I mean, we've got an addict and a simpering milquetoast who can't find a guy who isn't crazy or emotionally abusive. Are they related to VC Andrews?
- When can we get an episode just focused on Lennon and Maisy?
- Will Sean be shirtless in every epsiode from now on? If not, WHY NOT?
- Will Rayna and Deacon ever get together?!!*
- How long will it take before Juliette completely sabotages her relationship with Sean?
- What does Liam keep in his flask, and CAN I HAVE SOME?
*Yes, I ask this question during every episode. Just like the writers want me to.