Well, the results are in! You voted, we listened, so meet your new president, Mr. Matt Donovan:
I think we're in good hands.
Elena wakes up and gazes upon the sunlight on Damon's visage. But they're fully clothed! Oh noes! Then we have a Shirtless Salvatore *Drink!* for a moment as Damon changes shirts. There are words exchanged, but I can't really pay attention on account of the sweet, sweet eye contact. *Drink!* Something about how Damon should break the sire bond or something, but we all know that their feelings for each other (at least for now) are REAL!!!
Klaus is painting pictures (of Caroline and ponies) when Stefan comes to visit. Stefan drops the bomb about the D&E sire bond, but Klaus intuited it all along. And is awesome. *Drink!* Stefan gets Klaus to show him his sword. Make of that what you will.
Klaus's newly de-sired hybrid is sick, sick, sick of being ordered around! Marsha! Marsha! Marsha! He wants to fight Klaus now! (Oh Shit! +1)
At another Mystic Falls thing, Tyler tells Caroline that his plan is for someone to switch his body with Klaus's, just long enough for the hybrids to get far, far away. But they're playing Julian Casablancas' "Christmas Treat"! Which is totally my Christmas jam!
HELOOO Jeremy's arms! Jeremy is chopping wood out at the Gilbert cabin, in a wifebeater, while standing in front of a Prius. George: Eco porn. He sees a piece of wood that resembles a stake, and fantasizes about thrusting it into the nearest undead. But did I mention his arms? Also, his shoulders are rather nice. Damon and Elena show up, and Jeremy battles his desire to hang out with his sis or just kill her. He decides to invite her in, but then, quick as a cat, tries to stake her! (Oh Shit! +2) George: Sorry, it's just a reflex thing… Elena's quick new vampire strength saves her.
Just take a moment to appreciate the arms...
Stefan and Caroline have a discussion about Tyler's plans for Klaus, versus their plans for Klaus's… sword. They have this discussion with the help of some product placement.
Back at the Mystic Falls Winter Wonderland, we get to see our new president, taking care of the people for a moment, before Caroline distracts Klaus by talking about his snowflake, and how lonely it is, while Stefan goes looking for his sword. Perhaps it's the high-alcohol content beer I've already ingested, but I could spend the rest of this recap talking about Klaus's sword and snowflakes. And Jeremy's arms.
Stefan asks Damon (over the phone, so he can't see Damon's guilty, guilty expression) how the de-siring went. Damon evades. (Oh Shit! +3)
Bonnie has recruited her new crush, Professor Slim Shady, to help with a spell to make Jeremy not want to kill Elena so, SO much. We all know this is a very bad idea, but it gives Elena a chance to reminisce about the family's cabin in the woods, while Jeremy is under hypnosis. Jeremy reminisces a little bit himself, about how Elena is the reason that everyone he's ever loved has died, and that he WILL. KILL. HER. Then he wakes up, and his baby browns are so hopeful. "Did it work?" Oh Jeremy. (Oh Shit! +4)
Stefan wants Tyler to hold off on his plan to kill Klaus, but Tyler has been planning this thing for a MONTH! No way he's going to stop now. And his gang of hybrids back him up. Intimidatingly. (Oh Shit! +5)
Elena is having a sad about Jeremy wanting to kill her still, and remembers that time on Season 2 when she and Stefan came out to the cabin, and she was totally in love with him. But now she barely remembers him. Is that the sire bond? George: It's called being a teenager…
Jeremy has a sad while looking at old pictures, when Damon comes in and suggests Jeremy just focus his warm fuzzies on someone else. Jeremy doesn't hesitate a moment before choosing the new President of The Handsome Club! Just kidding. He chooses Bonnie. I mean, they were totally dating before he got sent away to Christian Camp in Colorado.
PSS joins Elena out on the dock, and tells her there's no cure for loving someone too much. He should know -- he's tried. Because apparently before he started only hanging out with teenaged girls, he had a wife and son who died. (Think this will play into the plot later? Hmmm?) Damon joins them, and in his own gentle way, asks PSS why he should let him live. PSS tells them that he knows where to find the race for the cure! He's been there! (Oh Shit! +6)
Tyler and his mom share a drink at the Mystic Falls Winter Wonderland, George: Ah, family… and Tyler tells her how he's going to sacrifice himself to kill Klaus. She's sad that he'll miss graduation, but is still so proud. And drunk.
PSS tells a story about how once there were these two rival man-witches, Silas, and some other dude. And the other dude killed Silas's one true love, before Silas could make her immortal. So Silas created the race for the cure, but before he could take it, the other dude buried him. George: Something's not quite right here, so obviously, PSS is other dude. Or something.
Stefan and Caroline are being held by the hybrids so they won't mess up Tyler's plan to kill Klaus, when Damon calls to tell them that they don't need Klaus's sword at all. Wait! No! We do need Klaus's sword!
Caroline has come up with the brilliant idea to put Klaus into Rebekah's body, and bury the both of them. Of course, Faye is freaking out about this, because that is not the plan she and PSS came up with. There's lots of secret texting between the two of them, while Caroline calls Bonnie to see if it would work, and then Faye snaps Caroline's neck! (Oh Shit! +7)
Elena is being all trusty with PSS until Damon tells her about the twelve founding members who blew themselves up. But then Jeremy comes in, and using Bonnie as his warm fuzzy worked! He can hug and hold and squeeze Elena, and is filled with brotherly love! Yay!
Klaus confronts Stefan because Stefan has been dodgy all day, and Caroline had been nice to him all day. Klaus is awesome, *Drink!* recognizing those two things together usually mean subterfuge. So Stefan admits to breaking into Klaus' safe to look at his sword. Oh man. Can I just quote Klaus here? "I showed you the sword. I explained its value." Indeed. Then Klaus delivers a monologue about loneliness that is powerful enough to make me forget all about snowflakes and swords. If only for a moment.
April finds Caroline dead in the bathroom, George: That poor girl's brain is gonna burst. Caroline wakes up and compels April to forget what she's seen, but April is wearing Jeremy's vervain bracelet! Caroline bumps into Mr. President Elect, who tells her that April is wearing Jeremy's vervain bracelet!
Tyler is looking for his mom, but he finds Faye, who tells him that she's lied, all along! And then to a beautiful rendition of "O, Holy Night" we see Klaus meet all of the twelve hybrids out in the woods, and brutally murder ALL OF THEM!!! (Oh Shit! +10) It is decidedly gory, and horrifyingly beautiful, and my words cannot do it justice.
PSS is all smiles as he watches Bonnie, Jeremy, and Elena look through old Christmas ornaments. Damon is on the outside, looking in, so Elena goes out to him, and is all "Mistletoe alert!" but Damon says he's gotta return some video tapes. Then he talks about how he was supposed to break the sire bond already, and then tells her he's setting her free. He's going to stay with Jeremy, teach him how to hunt, get him some more tattoos, George: Raise him as if he were my own… and Elena's going to go home. It's what will make him happy.
Cut to Caroline and Stefan -- the former freaking out, the latter sad about losing Klaus. Then they're both like, hey, Klaus isn't so bad. We all say a collective "DUH!" And then Caroline tells him that Damon and Elena are together, together. (Oh Shit! + 18)
Elena and Bonnie are leaving the cabin, and Elena gives Damon one last little kiss, while Stefan is breaking things back at his house, and Tyler finds all of the dead hybrids in the woods, and April is hiding in the cave, and comes across Rebekah's daggered corpse. (Oh Shit! +19) George: Aneurysm alert!
Tyler's mom is looking for Tyler when a blood-soaked Klaus joins her, talks about symmetry, and drowns her. (Oh Shit! +20) To the tune of "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas". Which makes it deserve another (Oh Shit! +21)
Whoah. Wow. I gotta say, that was beautiful. This episode is owned by Joseph Morgan. And his sword and snowflakes.