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The Carrie Diaries 1x2: Lie With Me

Kerensa genuinely likes this show and not just because of shirtless Austin Butler.

The Carrie Diaries 1x2: Lie With Me

Previous episode: "Pilot"

Full disclosure, I think I might actually, honestly really like this show--a completely snark free statement.

I mean any show that opens up with a close up of Austin Butler's eyes and lips is automatically top ten status for me (exhibit A: Switched at Birth).

Carrie is sort of seeing Sebastian now but since she's grounded she can't see him outside of school. In a particularly swoony moment, he pushes her up against the doorway at school, asking her if she could imagine what would happen if they had 19 more seconds.

This was me:

Clearly she should be sneaking out or something--again see Austin Butler's face. As any good troubled rich boy stereotype does, he suggests that Carrie sneak out while they are on a phone call before he has to go to dinner at the country club, where of course he smokes pot with the popular girl, Donna. He has party issues, he needs to party to feel better! He has emotional problems! I love him! But miraculously, nothing happened between him and Donna. However in true antagonist fashion, Donna will do anything to get him. Carrie's core group think that she should invite Sebastian to the swim club because what her dad doesn't know won't hurt him. Sebastian even calls Carrie at her internship and invites her to go see Blue Oyster Cult (LOL) on Friday night.

During her grounding, Carrie and Dorrit have become closer, so much so that Dorrit is supposed to go swimming with Carrie. In a panic about Donna and Sebastian, Carrie invites him to the swim club, where she ditches Dorrit for him.  After they share a really epic kiss, Carrie's dad walks in, cockblocking in only the way a father can. We learn that Carrie's dad knows Sebastian's dad and forbids her from dating him using the tried and true dad excuse "because I said so." I'm expecting lots of clandestine meetings in the future. Please send any and all swooning/fainting/fanning gifs my way.

New York this week isn't as epic as last, mainly because they don't go to a bar. After meeting with Larissa earlier, Carrie doesn't think the photo shoot that her purse is supposed to be in is happening anytime soon. Turns out she was wrong! Carrie has to make it to Brooklyn to drop off her bag immediately, so she tells a lie about whatever boring thing she has to do for her internship to get down there. She barely gets away with it but using Larissa's advice of 'fake it until you make it' succeeds. But she has to give away an one-of-a-kind Dior scarf in the process, so that sucks. Luckily, she still has her internship with Bitchy Barbara and all the possibility of New York.

Carrie's core group have a myriad of their own problems this week, mostly Maggie and Walt have problems of the sexual variety.

Maggie is trying to get Walt to sleep with her and he keeps resisting, an obstacle that gives us this week's winning Carrie voiceover which cuts to Maggie going down on Walt and him stopping it, while Carrie says:

"The Love Boat was playing across town but clearly someone wasn't coming aboard."

Maggie (also, how did I just realize this is the same girl who was Rosie Larsen on The Killing?) keeps pestering Walt about why they haven't had sex yet, bringing their friends into it and attacking him in the school hallway. Walt is beyond resistant, even calling Maggie desperate at one point, which pissed me off. Walt, we all understand you are lusting for Rob Lowe and are having confusing feelings about it, but please don't police Maggie's sexuality. Thanks.

Maggie's still sleeping with the cop dude, who seems pretty terrible and creepy honestly. While Maggie is off sleeping with the cop in the backseat of his cop car (weirdly hot or just weird?), Walt has decided that he's going to will himself into heterosexuality and waits at Maggie's house so they can finally do it. By the time Maggie gets back, Walt has made the realization that he has to break up with her. And you feel sad feelings for both of them.

Mouse spent most of this episode inadvertently spying on Sebastian and Donna. At the end of the episode, as all the girls are together and discussing their respective boy problems, Mouse mentions that ex-bf and virginity taker, Seth, after two weeks has finally called and said he missed her. And Mouse did the exact thing that many of us would hate to admit we'd do--she answered and said hi.

I've officially decided that Dorrit is my favorite on this show, so welcome to the weekly section loosely entitled, "Dorrit is the best ever/amazing/how does she see with all that eyeliner on," giving you the best Dorrit moments from the episode. In no particular order:

•  She's wearing a Joy Division t-shirt.

•  Dorrit's friend might be wearing more eyeliner than Dorrit.

•  "Then I don't get it, what's the point." On watching The Wall not stoned.

•  "I've got a bootleg copy of Purple Rain." Which she videotaped in the theater.

•  "You guys are so lame." On Carrie, Mouse and Maggie talking about boy problems.

Things of Note/Hilarity/WTF:

•  Carrie's hair is bigger in this episode.

•  Paralegals need to get laid too.

•  Donna lost her virginity on a bench outside the country club.

•  The photo shoot got changed because whichever Cory (Haim or Feldman) was so hungover he couldn't get out of bed. Carrie's perfect incredulous response: "He's 13?!"

•  Again, I really need the eye shadow/liner budget for this show. NUMBER BREAKDOWN.

•  Also, need to know if it's in Austin Butler's contract that he's in a swimsuit every episode. Clearly, I'm very okay with that.

•  Carrie makes her dad Pop Tarts for breakfast.

Next week, there appears to be clandestine, making out meetings (!!) and some weird looking stuff happening in New York.

Kerensa Cadenas's photo About the Author: Kerensa is a writer living in Los Angeles. She grew up on binge reading Sweet Valley High and watching Saved by the Bell at a very young age. Hence, she is now unable to grow out of this life-long phase. She loves terrible teen television, young adult novels and probably listens to One Direction more than she should. She also enjoys more adult things like margaritas on patios and dance parties. A Marcus Flutie/Nate Archibald man-hybrid remains her ideal.