A hint for parents! There is now a Netflix Kids section of your Netflix account, in which you can watch movies that maybe were a little bit more appropriate when you were a child (although I contend that the only way to deal with Grown Up Adult Disasters is to watch, like, Finding Nemo. Not Up, though, because of the first ten minutes.). This will save you from THINKING you are going to watch Flora and Fauna battle each other over a pink or blue dress whilst poor Merriweather bakes a giant cake and INSTEAD ending up trapped in some sort of horrible soft-core indie film from which you cannot escape.
Also, WARNING: there are boobs in this post. BOOBS.
Title: Sleeping Beauty
Fix: Discovering One's Self For The First Time By Using A Detachable Shower Nozzle While Listening To A Sarah McLaughlin CD
Netflix Summary: College student Lucy takes a job as a "sleeping beauty," paid to be fondled or otherwise handled by strangers while in a sedated sleep.
FYA Summary: People try to make edgy indie movies that Say Something, but succeed only in making you hate men and swearing off sex - and sleeping - for the immediate future. Australian person Lucy is hired by a woman of nefarious means to be a naked model at dinner parties, because what I want at a dinner party is for someone to have their tits out, threatening to topple the souffle I've made. When naked dinner party hosting doesn't seem to rake in the big bucks, she asks for a promotion. The promotion involves being fondled by sad, old dudes or scary, mean dudes or ladies (because we're edgy! So edgy!) while she is passed out. Normally that's what one does to GET the promotion, not once they HAVE the promotion. But what can you do?
(Naked dinner party waitressing. Keep your bosoms away from my souffle, ladies!)
(Also, this happens. So.)
Emily Browning was in Magic Mike, which is a far less depressing movie than this one, and that was a fucking depressing movie, y'all. (I mean, when the penis pumps weren't in use.) She was also in A Series of Unfortunate Events and Sucker Punch.
Rachael Blake is completely unfamiliar to me, but she seems to have starred in many Australian tv shows (except not Neighbors! Neighbors is the only Australian tv show I watch, other than H20: Just Add Water!), so our Aussie readers will likely recognize her.
Couch-Sharing Capability: Very, very low
Let's just say that if you are getting together to watch a soft-core porn indie flick with your pals, I'm not sitting on your couch afterward. (Oh but also if you find this movie exciting in a sexual way, you have issues and need to talk to someone. I mean, not the tits, obvs, but the other stuff.)
Recommended Level of Inebriation: 'Ludes
I was pretty doped up on pharmaceuticals when I watched this movie, but they were all the wrong kind of pills. A movie like this requires you to skip over mere alcohol and head straight for the quaaludes. Only recreational drugs from the 50s and 60s are enough to make you get through this film.
Use of Your Netflix Subscription: It Depends
In some ways, this is what Netflix Instant is for: giving you a chance to watch indie films - or just plain weird films - at home, since you likely missed them in the theatre. But at the same time, this is SUCH A BAD FILM. Terribly plotted, poorly acted, and horribly directed, this is the kind of quiet indie film that makes people hate quiet indie films. I had to watch all the Avenger movies that Netflix had just to see some shit get blown up real good, just to get the taste of this film out of my mouth. Blech.