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The Carrie Diaries 1x5: Dangerous Territory

Kerensa really misses the absence of Dorrit in this episode but Mouse steps up as MVP.

The Carrie Diaries 1x5: Dangerous Territory

Previous episode: "Fright Night"

I'm in NYC right now while writing this, so it's like I'm practically on the show, right? I spent my time here at glamorous 80s socialite parties not at bro-bars, during a blizzard, dancing to "Call Me Maybe." Definitely the socialite parties.

This week's episode was heavy on the costume jewelry and non-existent on Dorrit, which I'm pretty upset about.

Carrie's internship still sucks--lots of filing--lots of business woman realness ensembles. In true romantic comedy fashion, Carrie trips over her files and runs into a super cute boy, George Silver. I mean he's no Austin Butler, but his swoopy hair is certainly appealing. Turns out Carrie knows him! He rubbed poison ivy on her face when he was seven and she was four. TRU LUV 4EVA.

Carrie's boss who notoriously hates everyone loves George. And he asks Carrie to one of his rich mother's famous soirees. Carrie for some idiotic reason says no--to which her friends protest. We learn that he's taking a gap year between high school and college (older man!) which of course Mouse takes to mean that he's dumb. Love her. 

Carrie claims that she said no because she's stressed about her upcoming driver's test, but it's really because she's not over Sebastian. This is totally apparent when Carrie fails her driving test due to seeing Sebastian and DONNA (Poll: Are her lips real? Y/N?) making out in the middle of the sidewalk. Are youths just making out all over the place? In the middle of sidewalks during midday driving tests? Sebastian claims he didn't want to Carrie to find out that him and Donna have been "hanging out for a week" like this. We also all know what "hanging out" means Sebastian.

Carrie lies and says she's been seeing George and promptly calls him to say she can go to the soiree. Carrie's boss is being weirdly supportive in helping her out. She helps her pick a dress out, offers jewelry she can have. Carrie asks why she's being so nice to her. Carrie's boss has known George since he was four and thinks he needs to spend time with someone who understands hard work. She tells her to tell George's mom (Kick--that is her name) that the canapes are great and that the Basqiuat is divine. George shows up in a tux and Carrie's not black tie appropriate, but in a moment of fashion magic she puts on a black full-length tutu. Classic Bradshaw fashion improvisation!

Kick loves Carrie's dress and inquires if it's couture--which Carrie doesn't understand. Sigh. George's ex-girlfriend, Blythe, fresh from Betty Ford is there too. The dinner conversation is painful with mentions of not wanting to fly with the plebes, skiing and Iranian caviar. Carrie talks about loving driving, which didn't make sense to me because can't Carrie in SATC not drive at all? Or really poorly? Blythe tries to pull rank on Carrie about George, but Carrie's not really giving any fucks, but she does accidentally run into the waiter which negates the whole situation.

After a sneak call to Mouse from the powder room to build confidence, she overhears Kick telling George that Carrie doesn't fit in their world. She married a "Jew from the Bronx" because she thought it would be exciting but that you need someone who "gets your world." Carrie storms off and George goes after her. I think I was right about this rom com thing. And he likes her because she can take care of herself...awwww.

I'm sure as you've already assumed Kick is a crazy mom, so when George and Carrie return to the party for his declaration, she starts fake crying which Carrie calls out. Carrie's last name comes up and apparently her mom, Grace and Kick were BFFs! Carrie and Kick bond over this--and we get the origins of Carrie's famous corsages--her mom always wore flowers in her jacket lapels.

Carrie finally passes her driving test, not without seeing Sebastian in the rear view mirror even though he's clearly not there. And she teaches George how to drive.

Maggie's storyline is really boring this week. Basically she holds Donna to a standoff over who gets the diner as their stomping grounds. Spilling food on each other and basically sitting at the diner for as long as they can stand it is what happens. Dull. Sebastian finally solves it and the diner is sacred again.

Mouse invites Seth over for the weekend since her parents are going to be out of town. Guess what they are going to do?! But during the phone call, Seth says "sex isn't everything." Not sure what 18 year old dude says that, but alright. Mouse becomes paranoid that she's bad at the sex. Mouse asks the only dude she can, Walt, who also clearly doesn't know what he's doing. Mouse basically wins MVP of this episode because of her many awesome conversations. When trying to figure out proper "gripping" techniques, Walt gives her this advice.

"You play golf right? You know how you are supposed to hold it loose but with control?"

Mouse's response:

"I can never do that. I always want to squeeze it really tight. I get blisters."

Of course the two of them end up watching porn together. I mean, it's not porn, technically but an instructional video--one that Walt had to watch 5 times in order to understand. Mouse (government name: Jill Chen as noted from an award in the background) is an excellent student. Wearing her "sexy" pajamas, Mouse destroys Seth. After they have sex, things get sad.

Since Mouse knows "what she's doing" now, Seth assumes she slept with another guy while they broke up--which alleviates his guilt for sleeping with two girls while they weren't together. Poor Mouse. She keeps up the guise that she did. Then this conversation happens.

Seth is super jealous that she slept with someone else, even though he did too. He claims that it's different because he's a guy Mouse thinks that's crap and says: "Alright buster. This is such a ridiculous double standard. You sleep with a bunch of girls and you are cool, but if I do I'm a slut?"

PRAISE BE TO MOUSE Y'ALL

He asks the name of the guy she slept with and she says Walt. It all clearly gets resolved and she admits to the instructional video, but warns Seth "no double standards."

Things of Note/Hilarity/WTF:

•  Are they phasing out the Carrie voice over? Or am I just ignoring it? Who can really tell?

•  Also, the dad loses his wedding ring. Accidentally hits a lady with his car and now they might go on a date. Let's stop with the dad subplots unless he's committing a white collar crime ala Jimmy Cooper.

•  Donna and her minions order "salad with dressing on the side" at the diner.

•  While Mouse and Seth are fumbling around in bed, they pull out a clarinet from under the covers? Did this just go into American Pie territory?

•  "Damn, you can run in heels." George when chasing Carrie outside.

•  "I like you not because you are a bitch but in spite of it." Sebastian says to Donna. She likes that he called her a bitch.

Next week: Carrie tries to cook!

Kerensa Cadenas's photo About the Author: Kerensa is a writer living in Los Angeles. She grew up on binge reading Sweet Valley High and watching Saved by the Bell at a very young age. Hence, she is now unable to grow out of this life-long phase. She loves terrible teen television, young adult novels and probably listens to One Direction more than she should. She also enjoys more adult things like margaritas on patios and dance parties. A Marcus Flutie/Nate Archibald man-hybrid remains her ideal.