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The Carrie Diaries 1x6: Endgame

Carrie is the worst part of this show. Can we get The Dorrit Diaries?

The Carrie Diaries 1x6: Endgame

Previous episode: "Dangerous Territory"

I think we need to stage an intervention with Carrie because homegirl has a saint complex that I cannot deal with.

It's too much. Let's all keep this in mind going forward.

Thank god Dorrit was in this episode.

It's Thanksgiving (midseason show timing) which was Carrie's mom's favorite holiday, so Carrie is determined to make it perfect. She won't even let that little thing about not being able to cook get in the way.

George, her self described "sophisticated New York boyfriend,"  is still a thing she's doing. Not literally doing, although that would be much more exciting. But they are dating which in 80s teen dates means day drinking in Central Park? That sounds pretty ideal.

Transition to "suburban Carrie," her friends are wary about her making Thanksgiving dinner. Mouse doesn't believe it's going to happen. And Maggie is still traumatized from the time in seventh grade when Carrie made her microwave nachos. At this point though, Carrie is merely assisting her grandma, but when a storm hits Florida she's in charge.

And the pressure is really on because her dad decides to invite George and his dad, Harlan. George's dad is that creeper dude from a couple episodes ago who told the Dad to use being widowed as a way to get laid. This George thing is obviously going to work out.

Carrie goes about getting everything together--making ambrosia salad and hiding all the embarrassing shit in her room including a framed picture of Shaun Cassidy. Our girl Dorrit, thus far, has been around lurking with heavy eyeliner and a major will to live, mostly because she's afraid Carrie's cooking will kill her.

It's pretty obvious that Dorrit's going to sabotage this whole thing. When the recipes are grease-stained and the cookbooks missing, we all know who did it.

Mouse, already having Thanksgiving at the country club, stops by to help Carrie make this dinner. Also probably because she doesn't want Carrie to inadvertently kill her family of food poisoning.

When George and his dad get there, like super early, Carrie freaks because it's "too early for him to see the real me." Red flag. Carrie is even more flustered when greeting George, her portrait of Shaun Cassidy has appeared in the hallway. Dorrit strikes!

Carrie hasn't cooked any food at this point, FYI. And George being excited to make out in Carrie's bedroom doesn't help things. Poor Mouse gets stuck cooking until Dorrit interrupts on behalf of Mouse.

While Carrie and Mouse are shrieking over taking turkey guts out, Dorrit surprisingly bonds with George, whose time with a shrink has figured out Dorrit's "shtick." She wears all black, has a pet named Morrissey because she thinks it makes her different but it's just a phase. And aw, Dorrit seems to be glad to be figured out.

Carrie is still on turkey duty, realizing there are different sizes since this one she got won't fit in the oven. But all the while freaking out that Dorrit will tell George the "Disney World" story and is generally being terrible.

They finally get the turkey in the oven and food preparation finally seems to be going pretty okay, but the latest development Carries feels she has to take care of is Dorrit's disappearance aka she just went outside to smoke some pot.

(Plot side note: Sebastian was supposed to spend Thanksgiving with his mom. She ends up with her tennis instructor in St. Barts instead. This will be relevant soon.)

Carrie freaks and tells Dorrit that she's going to tell on her. Dorrit tells Carrie that she likes attention and she's basically tired of Carrie acting like her mom and taking over the holiday--trying to pretend that everything is the same but it's not.

Dorrit goes back to lock herself in her room while smoking pot and listening to loud punk rock because obviously. Mouse is still stuck in the kitchen and now George's dad has referred to her as the "oriental maid?" WOW.

They can't get the turkey out of the oven because it's locked and Carrie's inevitable Thanksgiving breakdown occurs in front of George. She complains about taking care of everyone and trying to make Thanksgiving perfect, etc. And then the oven explodes, blowing all the fuses in the house.

The dad who has got to be pretty drunk at this point from just sitting around watching football realizes he's been absent and vows to change things. I'm hoping that this makes Carrie less annoying.

Carrie doesn't tell her dad about Dorrit's pot. Dorrit tells Carrie that their mom actually hated Thanksgiving, mostly because it stressed her out. I'm guessing because the dad didn't do shit. But Dorrit always helped her pull the guts out of the turkey because she liked too. Very goth of you Dorrit.

Any fears that Carrie has about George are squashed. He doesn't care about anything that happened, I'm guessing because he has a mother named Kick and has experienced many, many worse breakdowns than this one.

After George and his dad leave, guess who shows up? Sebastian! Once you get past swooning over that face, Sebastian wanted to talk to Carrie because he realized she was the person he really wanted to see, not Donna. Boy needs to get his shit together. Carrie invites him in for the makeshift Thanksgiving they have and everything is great.

Maggie's the only one this week who is elsewhere. She's at Walt's WASP central Thanksgiving. She's dressed like Nancy Reagan according to that creeper cop who is spending Thanksgiving at her house. They talk about Walt going to Dartmouth, which he doesn't want to do. But it gets Maggie thinking about her plans for her future outside of Walt and she realizes she doesn't really have any. When she gets home, she asks her brother if there's any money for her to go to college. He informs her that there isn't but since she's a girl she can just marry Walt. Depressing.

Now drunk creeper cop comes to Maggie's room to "talk to her." Even though didn't he reject her two episodes ago? He tries to see if "she's wearing underwear under her prim little dress." EW. And Maggie rejects him because she wants to start thinking about the choices she's making. Good for you girl.

Things of Note/Hilarity/WTF:

•  George tells Carrie "I'd love to see you in an apron." Is this rich dude dirty talk?

•  The dad considers Thanksgiving an early success because Dorrit hadn't blown anything up.

•  "When I'm an adult I'll use my oven for storage." Carrie on never cooking.

•  Sebastian and the dad bond over hating the Cowboys.

Next week: George and Sebastian meet at a school dance! Carrie's wearing an insane dress!

Kerensa Cadenas's photo About the Author: Kerensa is a writer living in Los Angeles. She grew up on binge reading Sweet Valley High and watching Saved by the Bell at a very young age. Hence, she is now unable to grow out of this life-long phase. She loves terrible teen television, young adult novels and probably listens to One Direction more than she should. She also enjoys more adult things like margaritas on patios and dance parties. A Marcus Flutie/Nate Archibald man-hybrid remains her ideal.