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The Carrie Diaries 1x9: The Great Unknown

Carrie tries to sabotage her relationship. Mouse is competive. Walt is confused. A typical episode?

The Carrie Diaries 1x9: The Great Unknown

Previous episode: "Hush Hush"

You guys! Carrie's relationship problems come out in full force in this episode. Scared to be alone. Doesn't want to get hurt. Pondering the meaning of Sebastian giving her his jacket. The works!

Our girl has been in a bit of a funk since being banned from NYC by her troll dad. But she's had the charming and handsome Sebastian to keep her company. The two are so inseparable that their peers have created a nickname for the two. "Kyddshaw."

Writers, you have failed us all. At least to my knowledge, this was not a thing in the 80s. Having said that, I'm totally getting schooled in the comments right?

Anyways, Carrie and Sebastian are just too cute with all their blondeness. But when Sebastian offers up his jacket because Carrie is cold and makes sure she's home on time so he can stay in her dad's good graces, she flips out.

Carrie sobs to Mouse that she's scared and that Sebastian's jacket, the french fry tab and basically about all the reasons why the majority of us would have slept with him WEEKS ago. I mean, that face, a french fry tab? Girl.

Mouse isn't having Carrie's bullshit but does advise her to try to be light and fun (although she knows this isn't Carrie's way) about it, if she's afraid of getting hurt.

Carrie's obvious interpretation of light and fun is to act super weird around Sebastian. I can't fault her on this one. When a friend recently told me to be "breezy and casual" around a crush, my interpretation was to rabidly clutch a margarita in hand while staring at him from across a room. I get it. But Sebastian doesn't and is confused about Carrie's behavior especially when she tells him she wants to play it by ear regarding their weekend plans.

Carrie's weekend plans consist taking the love of our lives, Dorrit to the library to research her paper on THE SEX PISTOLS. She's the best. When they get back from the library, Sebastian randomly shows up. Dorrit is unimpressed and calls him some sort of pretty boy nickname.

Carrie and Sebastian watch a movie. We all know what that means. Making out and maybe some over the shirt touching. 

Dorritt is blasting music so when Carrie goes upstairs to get her to turn it off--she finds that Dorrit has ran away! Sebastian helps Carrie to brainstorm where Dorrit has gone. After calling all her friends, Sebastian comes up with a genius assumption. Dorrit's writing about Sid and Nancy--so she's obviously gone to The Chelsea Hotel (!!). Carrie tries to say that Dorrit's probably at the mall or something but Sebastian, much like Mouse earlier, and says "I don't even know your sister and I know that's wrong."

Carrie decides this is the time to freak out about their relationship via talking about Dorrit. She argues with Sebastian about how it would take less time to take the train instead of driving, etc. And he just looks really confused the whole time.

When Carrie finally arrives at The Chelsea Hotel, guess who found Dorrit already? Sebastian! Dorrit talks about how she thinks Sid and Nancy are like Romeo and Juliet--"Sid loved Nancy so much he stabbed her." Despite Dorrit's obviously questionable romance tastes, she does give Carrie good advice. She promised herself after their mother died she'd always love big and not be afraid of getting hurt.

She also adds that Sebastian is "way cooler than I expected for a pretty boy." I cannot wait for Dorrit to get a boyfriend, just to see her general taste.

Carrie admits to Sebastian that she's scared and he says the same thing but likes that she's complicated and weird. So we'll see how this goes.

The lives of our other characters are pretty whatever with the exception of Walt. No Maggie this week because she's playing sick in order to avoid seeing the Walt/Donna pairing.

Mouse has a pretty silly and pointless plot, that's really only enjoyable because Mouse is the best. She's been determined to solve a rubix cube and when she finds a hot football player, West (I couldn't tell if they were saying Wes or West. I'm gonna go with West cause it sounds cooler) who solves the rubix cube immediately. This gets Mouse going. She uses her filing job to find out his academic background and it turns out he's number one in the class. Obviously Mouse challenges him to a rubix cube-off complete with a ridiculous 80s-esque montage of Mouse getting pumped up. She ends up winning and rubbing it in West's face. West is impressed with Mouse's ambitions and I'm hoping for a romance between the two.

In dad news, he's getting BJs from aerobics instructors at the gym. Well, I mean one in particular, but ESCANDLO. And gross. Larissa is dating Harlan, ick. But at the gym manages to settle the dad's anxieties re: sex. Their conversation ends up about Carrie and Larissa makes the argument that Carrie needs to be able to discover her own path especially because she has the talent to be able to. And talking to Larissa apparently worked because the dad decided to let Carrie go back to Interview. The illicit, frequent BJs probably helped that decision too.

Walt and Donna are still going strong and actually seem to be enjoying each others company. They are so comfortable that Donna isn't wearing much make-up around him and they are lounging around watching The Terminator or shopping cashmere sales at the mall.

But one thing isn't working for Donna. The lack of sex that they are having. Walt stalls by telling her he wants them to get to know each other better before going to the bonezone. Donna attempts to seduce Walt and upon realizing her efforts are futile asks, "Are you even into girls?"

His lack of response seems to tell Donna everything. In this moment, I really realized that I like Donna--a lot. She tells Walt she really likes him but she knows what she needs and that sex is a part of that. She swears she won't say anything about Walt's confusion but mentions that she has a gay brother who lives in Los Angeles who is very happy. It's such a good scene you guys. After their breakup, Donna even spreads a rumor that Walt's dick was too big for her to handle, buying him some more time to figure things out.

Things of Note/Hilarity/WTF:

•  "Busy? Playing with balls?" Mouse's opening line to the football player.

•  "I like pain. It feels so good." Donna while Walt is massaging her.

•  "I find alphabetizing very relaxing." - Mouse

•  Dorrit's Sex Pistols jacket is everything.

Next week: It's Carrie's birthday! Birthday sex?!

Kerensa Cadenas's photo About the Author: Kerensa is a writer living in Los Angeles. She grew up on binge reading Sweet Valley High and watching Saved by the Bell at a very young age. Hence, she is now unable to grow out of this life-long phase. She loves terrible teen television, young adult novels and probably listens to One Direction more than she should. She also enjoys more adult things like margaritas on patios and dance parties. A Marcus Flutie/Nate Archibald man-hybrid remains her ideal.