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Mystic Falls: Where Everyone Sleeps With Everyone Else

Science doesn't lie, you guys.

Mystic Falls: Where Everyone Sleeps With Everyone Else

The Vampire Diaries is on another two week break!  What will we do until it returns?!!!  Why, make a graph of all of the people on the show who've had sex together, if you're Mandy.  The following is a transcription of actual emails between Mandy and myself:

Mandy:

I was reading your TVD recap and your comment about everyone having slept with everyone got me wondering. So I made this PDF, mapping all the sexytimes (mostly from memory, with some fact checking. But then I gave that up, 'cause there are WAY too many people, and I'm pretty sure I got them all?). 

Edit: "But what about Damon and ___?!" Y'all, we have NOT forgotten; all common Salvatore conquests have their own line (pink) and are routed through Stefan.

Some observations:

•  Stefan has never slept with anyone that hasn't also slept with Damon. (Or at least we don't know about it. Maybe he got it on after a Bon Jovi concert.) EWW! I can't believe I seriously hadn't noticed this.
•  Damon is the town bicycle. And literally a motherfucker (almost twice, since he once made out with Matt's mom).
•  Thank goodness nearly everyone's a vampire, or the spread of STDs in Mystic Falls would skyrocket.
•  There are a lot of dead people in this chart.
•  Bonnie needs to get laid. Then maybe she'll stop being THE WORST.
•  Oh, and I guess I didn't put any parents (other than the ones in Alaric's polygon) on there, 'cause BORING and the chart is already outta control.

Jenny:

Oh my God, Mandy! I am amazed by your skill creating this chart, and the in-depth analysis you had to do to figure it out.  The only sad part is that there is not a picture of me in there with blue lines to Klaus, YHH, & Damon.

Mandy:

Oh and another thing I noticed: it's all heteronormative and (mostly) white! Granted, that's a problem with all TV, but don't tell me that Klaus never tried out for the other team.

I'm right there with you, re: inserting myself in the chart. And if Alaric was still alive, I would have put a line between him and Damon too.

Jenny:

Yes.  YES.  Yes.  (About the Alaric and Damon part, not the mostly white and heteronormative part.  That part is disappointing.)

So there you have it, folks!  Perhaps it's a slight exaggeration to say that everyone has slept with everyone else, but it's pretty darn close.

Jenny Bird's photo About the Author: Jenny grew up on a steady diet of Piers Anthony, Isaac Asimov and Star Wars novels. She has now expanded her tastes to include television, movies, and YA fiction.
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