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Awkward 3x5: Indecent Exposure

Don't even think about shaking the creamer.

Awkward 3x5: Indecent Exposure

Previous episode: "Let's Talk About Sex"

In spite of a swoonworthy appearance from Colin and a slumber party complete with a Ouija board, this episode still managed to feel super boring. What gives, Awkward?

Fave slang/phrase: Due to the lack of Tamara-isms, I had to go with this gem from Sadie: "Consuela, get my spirit board!" And for those of you who think I should've gone with "shaking the creamer," GROSS and NO THANKS.

Matty or Jake or Colin (who won this episode): Matty continued on his maturity streak, which is great, but Colin managed to make the line, "You've got a bit of a stache," sound like the sexiest statement ever made. And when Matty cries, it looks like he has pink eye. Therefore, I declare Colin the victor!

OMG moment: This episode... didn't really have one? But I did get excited when Tegan and Sara's "I Was a Fool" came on.

Here's what happened:

It's been a week since Matty moved in with the Hamiltons after falling out with his parents, and the lack of personal space is starting to wear on Jenna. (As Tamara says, "You could easily pass for 25." Because Ashley Rickards is 21! I see what you did there, Awkward writers!) Per usual, Jenna doesn't know how to communicate her feelings to Matty, so she asks Val for advice. Val is, unsurprisingly, an expert at sending guys packing, and she delivers several terrible yet highly effective suggestions, including sharing his neti pot and baby talk during sex. (Val, please never, ever use that baby voice again.)

But Jenna doesn't want Matty to leave her, she just wants him to leave her house. She's emotionally and physically blocked, and when she finds Matty in her bathroom, it slips out... of both ends. Matty handles her outburst with a charming amount of humor and understanding and agrees to move into Jake's house the next day. But first, to add some excitement back into their relationship, Jenna suggests that they watch a porn... a Harry Potter porn to be precise. Hermione, nooooo!! Jenna gets distracted by the bleak nature of the porn industry, and when she mentions teen runaways without a home, her comment hits Matty where it hurts. When she finds him crying in the bathroom, she realizes that he needs a mother, not a lover, and soon Teen Mom is having a heart-to-heart with him about healing his relationship with his own mom. Teen Mom is really rocking this season, amirite?

Seriously, this is the SAME make-up technique they used when everyone at the Red Cup Hot Tub party got pink eye.

Thanks to his convo with Teen Mom, Matty realizes that it's time for him to go home and face his family relationship problems head on. He says good-bye to Jenna but then, a few moments later, he appears at her bedroom window and grabs her in a passionate embrace. Way to bring the magic back, Matty!

Meanwhile, Tamara is determined to attend the annual cheer slumber party at Sadie's, but when she crashes the event, she realizes that it's only Sadie and Lissa. Apparently, the other cheerleaders can't be forced into coming because Sadie is broke and therefore powerless to make threats (or bribes). Sadie and Tamara immediately get into it, and Sadie demands her spirit board, which ultimately reveals that Ricky Schwartz was murdered. Ugh, I AM SO OVER RICKY SCHWARTZ. Tamara toughs it out and even fights her way into Sadie's bed, but in the morning, they're still mortal enemies. Sadie admits that she's broke, but that's not exactly breaking news, is it? Seems more like a ploy by the writers to force Sadie and Tamara into some sort of unlikely friendship.

But the best scene of the show happened right after Jenna's creative writing class, in which she criticized Colin's essay for sounding pretentious, then fell asleep, leading Mr. Hall to draw a mustache on her face. (ILU Mr. Hall!) When class ends, Colin catches her in the hall and thanks her for being honest. See, he's not a douchebag! Even though he is wearing a douchey sweater! Then, to return the favor, he leans in and whispers in her ear, "You've got a bit of a stache." SA-WOON. I would seriously walk around with a marker mustache ALL DAY if it meant some close personal contact from Colin.

I'm glad that the writers aren't hurrying Jenna and Matty along, although it's obvious that Colin will make romantic waves at some point down the line. Similarly, I'm relieved that Tamara and Jake are working out. But with that said... LET'S BAKE SOME DRAMA CAKES NEXT TIME, OK SHOW?

What did y'all think? Leave your rants/raves/predictions in the comments. Oh, and Conseula, get my spirit board!!!!

Next episode: "That Girl Strikes Again"

Posh Deluxe's photo About the Author: Sarah lives in Austin, TX, where she programs films at the Alamo Drafthouse. Sarah enjoys fancy cocktails, dance parties and anything that sparkles (except vampires).