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The Vampire Diaries 4x22: The Walking Dead

In which Jenny is thoroughly satisfied for perhaps the first time all season.

The Vampire Diaries 4x22: The Walking Dead

Training montage! *Drink!* Stefan doesn't want Elena to kill Katherine, so he thinks having her break cinderblocks and do pull-ups is a good substitute.  Elena is awesome *Drink!* with her detailed description of what Katherine's chest cavity might feel like on the inside.

Rebekah discovers the joys of sending out graduation invitations in order to receive cashy money, while Caroline addresses her own million envelopes and Elena obsesses about Katherine some more. 

Bonnie is meditating in the woods, when Katherine (or is it?) shows up.  Bonnie gives some exposition about the Expression triangle and her big plan, blah, blah, blah Katsia, blah, blah.  Then Bonnie witches a link between Katherine and herself, so Katherine can't go anywhere.  Absolutely nothing could go wrong with that. (Oh Shit! +1)

Stefan joins Damon at the hospital, where Damon makes one of his juice fast jokes, *Drink!* but then Mommy Sheriff shows them a patient who's been exsanguinated.  By Silas, they presume. (Oh Shit! +2)

Bonnie shows off her new magic tether to Katherine by leading her unwillingly into the old Lockwood campout werecave.  There she tells Katherine that whatever happens to her, happens to Katherine, so there we have the crux of the whole Elena killing Katherine, thing, because it's probably true in reverse, yes? (Oh Shit! +3)

At the Bronze, Elena is setting everyone on edge by playing darts, so Rebekah -- of all people -- goes over to cheer her up.  That goes over like a bag of lead bananas, so Caroline gives a try, asking Elena if she meant all of those mean things she said when her humanity was off.  But Elena can't let herself feel anything but RAGE because if she lets in one other single feeling, she'll go back to feeling ALL OF THE FEELINGS, and even she remembers how annoyed we got with her then.  Meanwhile, whatever Bonnie's doing in that cave has brought on a big storm, and the power goes out. (Oh Shit! +4)

Stefan, Damon and Mommy Sheriff figure out what Bonnie's been up to, and deduce that her next move will be to head to the center of the Expression Triangle which is… the Hellmouth Mystic Falls High School.  Oooh, maybe there's a dance!  Everyone is trying to find Bonnie, except Elena, who is KIND of reminding me of no-humanity Elena, with her "I don't care about Bonnie, I just care about Katherine" business.  Damon is awesome, *Drink!* and just sounds really worn out.  Elena is sure that once she kills Katherine, everything will go back to normal and she'll be just fine, but Damon isn't going to let her into the basement where Katherine and Bonnie are.  So she stabs him. (Oh Shit! +5)

Bonnie TOTALLY proves that old saying wrong by ACTUALLY getting blood out of a stone… and the spell is complete.  The veil is down. (Oh Shit! +6)

Damon wakes up from being stabbed, just as someone approaches, and with the veil down, we know it might be… ALARIC!!!  (Oh Shit! +7 -- in a good way) Blessed be the sweet baby Jesus!  Mr. President!!! (Sorry, Matt, but I think even you would gladly turn over your President sceptor in favor of having Alaric back.) WE LOVE YOU!  WE MISS YOU!  Nothing has been the same without you!  Please don't ever leave us again!  Okay, okay, back to the show.  Alaric proves he's really Alaric by showing Damon the contents of Locker 42 -- Scotch!  (Of course he did!)  AND he says he had to come back to look after his best friend.  (Aw, of COURSE he did!)  *Drink!* He also says some stuff about how the veil's actually only partially down, so he can only exist inside the Expression triangle, but who cares?  Alaric's back!!!  Alaric, the most beautiful sound I ever heard… Alaric, Alaric, Alaaarrriiccc…

Rebekah and Matt are getting all cozy in the candlelight at the Bronze, but that's before Kol Drogo comes in, reminding us that not everything from beyond the veil is as welcome as our president.  (Oh Shit! +8)  He's still mad about getting killed, and has decided to take it out on Elena, but first he insults Rebekah for finally getting the quarterback's attention, and then he throws a shiv into Matt's shoulder!!! (Oh Shit! +9)

Bonnie's so over Katherine's constant "Are we there yet?" but lets her tether lengthen so Katherine can go distract whomever it is that she hears coming. *coughElenacough* (Oh Shit! +10)

Elena totally gets the drop on Katherine, and starts stabbing her and burning her face, and yep, the same exact thing is happening to Bonnie.  (Oh Shit! +11)  Thankfully, Stefan tackles her before she can finish Katherine off.

Rebekah picks all of the glass out of Matt's shoulder, but he refuses her offer to heal him, on account of wanting to make sure he graduates as a human, which is honorable, and all, but seriously.  So Rebekah goes to get a first aid kit, and finds Caroline in the kitchen, cutting her wrists over and over and over, which means that it's actually Silas in the cave with Bonnie! (Oh Shit! +12)

Turns out, Silas was only joking earlier when he let her think she had seen his hideous Crow face and so was no longer controlled by him.  He's so in her mind, she can't even fathom how in her mind he is! (Oh Shit! +13)

Elena is hella pissed that Stefan stopped her from killing Katherine, and thinks he's lying about the Bonnie thing.  She IS kind of awesome *drink!* with her response to his "I can help you," and gives him a fairly long overdue punch in the face.

Matt calls Damon and tells him about the Caroline sitch, while Alaric gets caught up to speed on all of the gossip.  He really just wants to have some alone time with Damon, but Damon tries to have his head in the game.

Rebekah can't seem to get Caroline to stop cutting herself, except that smacking some sense into her was way lower on her list than it would have been on mine.  Because it works.  And Caroline's response is awesome. *Drink!*

Silas is all, "Well go ahead and drop the veil, betch, I just wanna die."  but Bonnie, as we know, had never planned on dropping the veil completely.  But then they hear Damon coming, and Silas turns into Alaric!!!  (Oh Shit! +14)  And starts Darth Vader-choking Bonnie!  So wait, was it actually Silas all along?!!  I mean, maybe I don't even care if it was… I just… Alaric!!!!

Elena finally crumbles at Jeremy's grave, and once again Nina Dobrev turns in a stellar performance, and I think Elena might be having an actual breakthrough.  That's before Kol Drogo shows up and says he guesses he'll have to kill her now. (Oh Shit! +15)

Bonnie still can't breathe, but Grandma Whitley tells her it's all in her head!  Then she tells her that she can stop Silas, too, because Expression is just a manifestation of her will!  Wha-huh?

Anyway, Damon is totally NOT fooled by the Silas-Alaric, and starts choking him with a chain!  (Oh Shit! +16) Which I'm not comfortable with at all, and have to tell myself that they're just friends wrastlin'.  But then Bonnie comes in and turns him into stone! (Oh Shit! +17)

Kol Drogo is kicking Elena's butt, but she WANTS to die.  And this would be a good time for… JEREMY!!!!  (Oh Shit! +18 -- also in a good way) I missed you and your arms almost as much as I missed Alaric!!!  Also, you're very handsome.  Also, he's awesome *Drink!* with his crossbow and asking Kol how many times he has to kill him.  Kol starts in on a joke, acting all threatening-like, when Stefan is awesome *Drink!* and runs in and snaps his neck!  HA!  Then Elena and Jeremy get to have their sweet, sweet reunion, which I didn't really get to see on account of the fact that I was chopping onions.

Bonnie and the Salvatores discuss whether they should just drop Silas into the ocean, when Elena and Jeremy show up.  Turns out, Bonnie has to put the veil back up, so they don't have much time.  If I'm not mistaken, Damon looks around for Alaric.

Stefan joins Caroline at the Bronze, but he's having a sad *Drink!* because he was hoping to see Lexi when the veil lifted.  He even got Bon Jovi reunion tour tickets, and everything.  But then she's standing right behind him! (Oh Shit! +19 -- you know the deal)

Damon WAS looking for Alaric!  And he found him!  And they share some (scotch, I'm sure) from a flask as they put Silas's stone body into the back of Damon's car.  They banter, and it's just like old times, only I never, ever want it to end.  Oh, and Alaric pulls the cure out of his pocket, and tells Damon to "go get the girl."  (Oh Shit! +20)  Meanwhile Lexi teases Stefan.

Bonnie is convinced that she can bring Jeremy back for good, even though Grandma Whitley tells her to stop, stop stop it!  Then Bonnie gets Dark Willow makeup and passes out. (Oh Shit! +21)

Matt thanks Rebekah for helping Caroline earlier, and then they see Rebekah's very first boyfriend, the vampire slayer!  (Oh Shit! +22)  They decide to make like a tree and get outta' there, but turn to see two other vampire slayers, including the one who looks like Charlie Bewley because he IS Charlie Bewley!  (Oh Shit! +23)  I didn't realize that they had killed him.  How come no one got haunted? 

Bonnie wake up to find that she actually didn't wake up at all!  Holy Shit Balls!!! (x1000)

Now THIS!!!!  This is what I call a Vampire Diaries episode!  I don't even mind that the whole Bonnie/Katherine tether  was KIND of a copout so Katherine could live, and we never really found out about the exsanguination at the hospital.  But at +1023, I think we broke the ohshitometer for the first time this year. And you?

Jenny Bird's photo About the Author: Jenny grew up on a steady diet of Piers Anthony, Isaac Asimov and Star Wars novels. She has now expanded her tastes to include television, movies, and YA fiction.