Previous episode: "Reality Check"
Apparently, this episode of Awkward was the spring/summer finale, and the rest of the season won't air until the fall. It's almost like MTV is begging me to quit recapping the show. And in case I didn't get the message, they posted this trailer for the rest of the season, and YEP. I'M DONE. POSH HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.
So, dear reader, enjoy this, my final Awkward recap. No need to bake any drama cakes!
Fave slang/phrase: NADA. Seriously, this episode was totally devoid of humor. Awkward, WHAT HAS BECOME OF YOU?
Matty or Jake or Collin (who won this episode): UGH. Just no. I can't even. (Ok, ok, I would say Matty, but he's an idiot for dating Jenna, who clearly doesn't deserve him.)
OMG moment: When Jenna kissed Collin and Matty was heading to the car and OMG I TOTALLY FELL FOR MTV'S TRAP.
Here's what happened:
As Collin and Jenna continue their flirtationship, he gives her an invite to a photographer's open house. It's the same night as the Julies' Annual Black Friday Party, which Tamara has re-christened as the After Mall Ball, because hold the phone, Tamara has replaced Sadie as an official hostess! She's not the only one moving up the social ladder, because Ming is now the head of the Asian Mafia! GET IT GIRLFRIEND. She eventually meets The Accountant (a seven-year-old boy) who gives her the key and a cell phone that gets her anything. I'm surprised she didn't call up Fred Wu!
Was it weird to anyone else to watch a Thanksgiving episode in the middle of June? Anyhoo, Val and Teen Mom, suited up in leotards and elbow pads, kick ass during Black Friday while Tamara frets over all of the prep for the After Mall Ball. (Because you know the Julies don't do shizz.) She orders Jake around, which isn't cool, but fortunately for T, I was too busy being upset with Jenna to care.
Because JENNA. WTF. She totally forces Matty to accompany her to Collin's open house, and then, before they go inside, she dredges up old history about how Matty was ashamed of her. LET IT REST JENNA. Matty makes the mistake of saying that he was embarrassed of her, but he quickly back pedals by admitting that really, he was just mortified by his own insecurity. Then he utters the most double true line from this entire season: "Sometimes it feels like all I'm doing is making amends for how we started." PREACH. Dude is on a roll, because he calls out Jenna for being so self-absorbed. Like, she hasn't even asked him how he's doing with his parents?! REALLY? Ugh. KICK THAT BISH TO THE CURB.
Jenna says she'll go to the party without Matty so he can head over to the After Mall Ball. The worst part of this scene is Jenna thinking that she's being selfless when we all know that she wants to get with Collin. Girl, I don't blame you for that! Just be HONEST WITH YOURSELF. And with Matty. He doesn't deserve this.
At the After Mall Ball, Lissa is dizzrunk and admits to Sadie and Tamara that she killed Ricky Schwartz. Finally! The reveal we've all been waiting for! I CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT. Also, JUST KIDDING, no one cares about that storyline. Ricky Schwartz is like fetch. STOP TRYING TO MAKE RICKY SCHWARTZ HAPPEN. With that said, there's a pretty sweet moment when Sadie convinces Lissa that there's no way that eating Thai Food and kissing Ricky could have killed him. Turns out that she's lying. "I don't want her to beat herself up for the rest of her life. She'll end up in porn." Speaking of sweet, I admit that I was impressed by how quickly Tamara and Jake made up after their party prep spat. I see a real future for these kids! (Too bad I won't be watching the rest of the season to literally *see* it.)
Of course, Collin looks *sick* in his blazer, and Jenna, I'll admit, looks classically gorgeous. Although she's supposed to leave after half an hour, she stays with Collin, and eventually, he admits that there *is* sexual tension between them. DID IT SUDDENLY GET HOT IN HERE? He tells Jenna that he broke up with Angelique because he "wanted to be with someone like you." Then he agrees to take her to the After Mall Ball, but after the drive, they just sit in his car and simmer in the tension. I experienced a half a moment of pure swoon before Collin started uttering douchey lines like, "When it comes to love, do you think the hunt is better than the kill?" and "Redefine yourself through your own lens. Choose you." GAG ME. Why the writers decided to ruin such a hunk of hotness, I have no idea, but they totally did.
In fact, I was glad when Jenna lunged for Collin and they started kissing in the car, because THESE ASSHOLES DESERVE EACH OTHER. It's just a shame that Matty came SO CLOSE to spotting them but then didn't, because he was robbed of the chance to dump Jenna in a fiery blaze of glory. I would have fist pumped to that shizz, no joke.
Well, Awkward, I'm sad that it came to this, but I want to thank you for supplementing my vocab with awesome slang. I appreciate all of the wisdom you've taught me, including the fact that if I drink enough wine, it tastes like love. And if I ever need a sex touch, I know who to call. PEACE OUT.
Now that y'all know how *I* feel, hit me up in the comments with your own verdict. Will you tune in to the show when it returns?